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Grand Magnate
Omers
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Member Since: Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
3,133 hugs
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#1
Awesome T sent me a message after our last session that I interpreted as a boundary, that he didn't want to hear from me until after Thanksgiving... reasonable enough although it set off the grief all over again. In hindsight I am not entirely sure I interpreted it correctly. Anyway... he sent me a message on Thanksgiving that brought a lot of relief. I am waiting impatiently for his wife's new blog post.
New T is very kind and gentle although a lot more directive than awesome T. Combined with where he went to school I keep getting scared. It is strange, all my years of not trusting men because of CSA and I trust new T as a massage therapist but yet get afraid because he is a little directive. We have both a therapy session and a massage session next week and I am hoping that it will help me calm down. But... New T is very different. I am really OK with the differences, and I think they will help me to grow in new ways. New T seems a little unsure. He also seems a little unsure of my confidence in him. I hope it is just because he is a pretty new T. I really like the way he thinks and all he has to offer... when he isn't quoting his teachers and textbooks at me... I know some of the teachers which makes it a little crazier. I think there is a lot of potential for growth with new T even if it isn't the same, extreme nurture of awesome T. I am also a little nervous about the massage appointment. I was really excited about it and I am eager to work with him in that way... but he has requested bringing in someone else as well that he has worked with before. I get it if it is a liability thing or if it is legit he thinks she could help... it feels really weird though. Out T session is first so hopefully we can talk about it. When I tried seeing awesome T with art T in the room I totally triggered and awesome T had a really hard time keeping me OK... Fingers crossed I don't go crazy because there is a man and a woman in the room... and wondering why it scares me to have a man and a woman in the room... I would think it would make me feel safer. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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