Couch 241: Twin primes!

Jan 18, 2023 at 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I want to say I’m sick and cancel my one class today. Everything else is zoom meetings this afternoon.

I’m not actually sick; I just can’t bear the thought of going into that workplace.

I haven’t canceled a class due to my own illness in years. I had to cancel a few when my mother was ill, but otherwise it’s rare for me.

You sound like me, I would have to be pretty much dying before I dont go into work

LonesomeTonight · Jan 18, 2023 at 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I want to say I’m sick and cancel my one class today. Everything else is zoom meetings this afternoon.

I’m not actually sick; I just can’t bear the thought of going into that workplace.

I haven’t canceled a class due to my own illness in years. I had to cancel a few when my mother was ill, but otherwise it’s rare for me.

I guess there's no option to convert the class today to virtual? And it is OK to cancel on occasion. Could you just say a personal conflict came up and you won't be able to make it? (You don't have to tell them the personal conflict is that you can't deal with the thought of going there!) Though probably too late for today.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 18, 2023 at 11:43 AM

That second session with K was fine. Aggressively fine. Not bad, not good, just fine. We focused on stuff about my D, like her behavior issues at school. I didn't get emotional at all. I stayed fairly detached, I think as protection. It's really telling when last time she gave me an hour (after saying she was fine with 45, 50, or 60 minutes), and this time I was like, at minute 47, "I'm good at stopping at 50 minutes today." She was like, "Oh. OK." She shared a couple potentially helpful things regarding D. But it was just meh.

Hoping R will be around next time Dr. T goes out of town!

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 18, 2023 at 12:05 PM

Hugs/head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

LostOnTheTrail · Jan 18, 2023 at 12:10 PM

I'm sorry you had to go in there with your guard up, LT.
Given the difficulty in the first session, I'm hardly surprised.

I hope R will be able to support you the next time Dr. T goes out of town.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 18, 2023 at 12:11 PM

Thankfully I am not on phones today at work, only have to do 3 days of phones this week praise be (monday, yesterday, and tomorrow). Yesterday was a rough 10 hours, although I only cried once which in past years it has been more than that. This woman yesterday just did not let up yelling at me for like 35 minutes no matter what I said or tried to say. Yes, I had wine for dinner after I finally logged off. ha. So done with this month.

On lunch now, then 4 more hours of work today.... they removed one hour of OT today, and since I already worked one hour this morning from 5a-6a, I get off at 3 like normal instead of at 4. Hooray!

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 18, 2023 at 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

That second session with K was fine. Aggressively fine. Not bad, not good, just fine. We focused on stuff about my D, like her behavior issues at school. I didn't get emotional at all. I stayed fairly detached, I think as protection. It's really telling when last time she gave me an hour (after saying she was fine with 45, 50, or 60 minutes), and this time I was like, at minute 47, "I'm good at stopping at 50 minutes today." She was like, "Oh. OK." She shared a couple potentially helpful things regarding D. But it was just meh.

Hoping R will be around next time Dr. T goes out of town!

I'm sorry that session didn't go better, and I hope you're able to see R instead next time Dr T is out of town. Or that his future trips don't interfere with your sessions in the first place.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 18, 2023 at 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

I'm sorry you had to go in there with your guard up, LT.
Given the difficulty in the first session, I'm hardly surprised.

I hope R will be able to support you the next time Dr. T goes out of town.

Thanks, Lost! I think it's OK I had my guard up. I was tempted to just cancel entirely or just meet virtually, but I feel better in a way that I still went in to face my fears. I only reacted slightly to the building this time.

LostOnTheTrail · Jan 18, 2023 at 01:16 PM

Hi Couch,

I'd like to share something awesome that I'm still basking in - it happened last night.
I'm doing an online course called Poetry As a Spiritual Practice, with an amazing tutor called Chris La Tray.

This week's theme was impermanence, and Chris invited us to bring any poems dealing with that.

I had one of mine memorised, but dealing with my arm over the last few days meant that I had to have the text to hand for reassurance.

The piece was extremely well received, and Chris said I'd read it well.

Then he said 'I'm about ready to be done, if you guys are.'

I didn't realise that my work could have such an impact on people.

One person asked to hear a specific bit again...but the time I almost prompted a facilitator to call time on their workshop will live with me for a long time.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 18, 2023 at 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

I'm sorry that session didn't go better, and I hope you're able to see R instead next time Dr T is out of town. Or that his future trips don't interfere with your sessions in the first place.

Thanks, Artie! When he told me about this trip, he said he didn't think there would be anything else till the summer. So I'm hoping that's the case. Or at least that if there is something, it would be more of a long weekend sort of thing, rather than 10 days (with spanning over two weekends).

I want to be able to manage better when he's away, and I did fairly well when he was gone in the summer (I think?) I do feel part of this is that we were on what seemed like the tail end of working through a rupture just before this. Like things were starting to feel OK again, more connected, and then he went on vacation. So I'm hoping that didn't disrupt all that.

In a way, it almost would have been easier had the trip been in the early part of the rupture, when I was upset with him. Though I'd have struggled for other reasons then, I guess.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 18, 2023 at 01:23 PM

That's awesome, Lost!

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 18, 2023 at 01:25 PM

Wow, that's awesome, Lost!

ArtieTheSequal · 01:56 PM

sorry guys. I know I'm poisoning my own soul with all of this, no need for me to poison the couch with it. Please accept my humble apologies to anyone who saw my rant. I'll go hide in a cave now or something.

I wish.

SlumberKitty · Jan 18, 2023 at 01:30 PM

Wonderful, Lost! What a great experience!

NP_Complete · Jan 18, 2023 at 02:40 PM

You don't need to apologize for talking about your feelings on here, Artie.

NP_Complete · Jan 18, 2023 at 02:52 PM

My session got cancelled today because P is feeling sick. He was out of town so we had a larger gap between sessions than normal. It feels like a lot happened in that gap. We met yesterday, so it feels like I should be okay, but I'm really feeling down about not meeting today. I've been struggling more with depression lately and it feels like it doesn't take much to knock me completely down. I'm feeling very intensely today that I have no one to confide in besides him. Loneliness and hopelessness are a really bad combo for me.

SlumberKitty · Jan 18, 2023 at 03:16 PM

HUGS if wanted NP_Complete. I hear you.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 18, 2023 at 03:46 PM

Also giving you hugs if wanted, NP. I know it can be really difficult when a session gets canceled, especially when he'd been away. Post here more if you think it might help.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 18, 2023 at 03:46 PM

Artie, feel free to rant away.

East17 · Jan 18, 2023 at 04:43 PM

@ArtieTheSequal, I don't know how you manage all the OT hours you do, and putting up with verbally abusive calls as well... You definitely deserve to have a rant sometimes!
I hope the rest of the month goes quickly for you.

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Couch 241: Twin primes!

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,232 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,760 hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 12:05 PM #784 Hugs/head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,744 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 01:23 PM #791 That's awesome, Lost!
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,232 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,760 hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 01:25 PM #792 Wow, that's awesome, Lost!
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,232 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,760 hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 01:29 PM #793 sorry guys. I know I'm poisoning my own soul with all of this, no need for me to poison the couch with it. Please accept my humble apologies to anyone who saw my rant. I'll go hide in a cave now or something. I wish. Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Jan 18, 2023 at 01:56 PM..
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 01:30 PM #794 Wonderful, Lost! What a great experience! __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,808 7 6,349 hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 02:40 PM #795 You don't need to apologize for talking about your feelings on here, Artie.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 03:16 PM #797 HUGS if wanted NP_Complete. I hear you. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,744 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 03:46 PM #798 Also giving you hugs if wanted, NP. I know it can be really difficult when a session gets canceled, especially when he'd been away. Post here more if you think it might help.
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,744 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Jan 18, 2023 at 03:46 PM #799 Artie, feel free to rant away.
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