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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 10:17 PM
  #941
 
TW: SI talk

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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 10:17 PM
  #942
 
Ativan, which I take about once a month on average, is not a whoosh feeling for me—it’s more like my brain calms down to normal speed and I can think clearly without uncontrolled emotions getting in the way. So I’m not surprised it has no noticeable effect on you, SD. (That is not meant to be snarky.)

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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 10:18 PM
  #943
 
Honestly? I feel like I need to do something and I am not ready to jump back into therapy. I thought I might be but I'm not.

I don't know. I'm just sorta feeling at my wits end lately and I don't know what else to do. I guess I'm thinking dulling my feelings with meds again will make the situation more tolerable while I figure out how to leave. I never got any whoosh from meds when I was on them years ago. They helped clear my head initially, and dulled my feelings so I could better tolerate the horrid job I was working at the time without drinking every night.

I guess the short answer is I don't know what else to do and I don't want to let myself get back to the point where I was when I first saw pdoc in 2008. That was the lowest point of my life.
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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 10:21 PM
  #944
 
Someone recommended a witch doctor to me today. Bit hard to come by around here, while she’s actually in Africa.

But hypnosis, massage, acupuncture, a regular exercise program, consistently doing the things you enjoy like drumming no matter what…these can all help.

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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 10:26 PM
  #945
 
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Someone recommended a witch doctor to me today. Bit hard to come by around here, while she’s actually in Africa.

But hypnosis, massage, acupuncture, a regular exercise program, consistently doing the things you enjoy like drumming no matter what…these can all help.
Thank you. I'm still walking, h and I are both eating better, so those things are good but yes I do need to get back to the drum circles now that he started them up again this month, I've just been too tired by thursday evening to stay awake late enough. I've been interested in the idea of hypnosis - but it's a little daunting not knowing how to find a legit practitioner.
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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 10:29 PM
  #946
 
Thanks y'all. I need to go to bed now, 4:15 am comes way too quickly. Night couch.
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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 10:31 PM
  #947
 
@@, you shoulda found a witch doctor in italy. My parents were always talking about them. We had one on our street. They took my brother to him when he sprained his ankle.

It waz the fence-sitting that wrecked me. I needed to choose a side, italian or american.
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Old Jan 24, 2023 at 10:52 PM
  #948
 
If you're just wanting a regular old antidepressant prescription, you could probably get one from your regular doctor, maybe even without an appointment if you sent a message through their portal. Might save you some money overall.
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 03:42 AM
  #949
 
Our 10 month old cat has a double eye infection. Nothing like wrestling a 13 lb cat with claws to put ointment in his eyes every 12 hours. Now he's sneezing too but he has a follow-up appointment with the vet next Monday.

My son started working at the retirement community I work at, washing dishes. I'm not sure how I feel about him working at the same place as me. Luckily, we are in different departments and don't run across each other much. Not that I don't love him but his job performance history is atrocious.
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 07:30 AM
  #950
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
Ativan, which I take about once a month on average, is not a whoosh feeling for me—it’s more like my brain calms down to normal speed and I can think clearly without uncontrolled emotions getting in the way. So I’m not surprised it has no noticeable effect on you, SD. (That is not meant to be snarky.)

The 10 or so times I took Ativan in the past (haven't taken it in years), it's more like you describe @@. I would take it during a panic attack, and it just made it so that I could get through the grad class I was in (generally when it happened). Like it took me back to normal.
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 07:38 AM
  #951
 
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Honestly? I feel like I need to do something and I am not ready to jump back into therapy. I thought I might be but I'm not.

I don't know. I'm just sorta feeling at my wits end lately and I don't know what else to do. I guess I'm thinking dulling my feelings with meds again will make the situation more tolerable while I figure out how to leave. I never got any whoosh from meds when I was on them years ago. They helped clear my head initially, and dulled my feelings so I could better tolerate the horrid job I was working at the time without drinking every night.

I guess the short answer is I don't know what else to do and I don't want to let myself get back to the point where I was when I first saw pdoc in 2008. That was the lowest point of my life.
Hugs, Artie. If it was a particular med that worked for you, as NP mentioned, you might see if your GP could prescribe it, at least for now. P-docs tend to be very expensive (you don't want to know what my daughter's charges!), and with this time of year, even if you found one that takes your insurance, like you said, you're up against the deductible. For the actual med, if you get a more common one (like Zoloft or Prozac) in generic form, they're really cheap.

Hope it's OK to mention this here, but in Dear T, you mentioned reaching out to L. I don't see anything wrong with this, particularly if you want to talk about what's going on in your life right now and get some guidance/support. And if you made that clear in the email (rather than wanting to talk about your relationship with her, though that would be OK, too). If you don't want to try someone new, that might be the best option.

I also think it could be worth looking into someone new, even if you said you aren't ready. You used something through your EAP before--can you get a limited number of sessions of more regular therapy through that, maybe? (as opposed to the CBT program.) I just think it can help to have someone to listen to all the feelings you're experiencing. It wouldn't have to turn into an intense relationship like with L, if that is your concern (which I understand--and I'm probably the wrong person to be saying it doesn't have to become that, but oh well).

You deserve to be treated better than your H treats you. And to have a job that doesn't make you miserable. Sending hugs....
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 07:42 AM
  #952
 
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Our 10 month old cat has a double eye infection. Nothing like wrestling a 13 lb cat with claws to put ointment in his eyes every 12 hours. Now he's sneezing too but he has a follow-up appointment with the vet next Monday.

My son started working at the retirement community I work at, washing dishes. I'm not sure how I feel about him working at the same place as me. Luckily, we are in different departments and don't run across each other much. Not that I don't love him but his job performance history is atrocious.

That sounds like a challenge, getting eyedrops in your cat! I hope he gets better soon.

And I could see where you wouldn't want your son to be working at your workplace if he has a bad history of job performance. I imagine you're concerned it could reflect poorly on you if he isn't a good employee?
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 10:16 AM
  #953
 
Thanks LT. I appreciate that. I hadn't even thought about EAP my brain isn't working. I may call them after work today actually, I think you can just talk to somebody on the phone when you call in iirc. I might go ahead and email L too that's a good idea to put my own boundaries on what I want to discuss. We shall see.

I did take zoloft years ago I may ask my GP for that. i took trazodone too but i didn't care for the side effects (terrible nightmares) so i don't want to go back on that one!
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 10:20 AM
  #954
 
I'm on break now but just before my break, my Sup messaged me to chastise me for being under goal yesterday and wanting to know why. I told her I am tired and struggling with life-stuff in general in addition to being worn out from the overtime/phones/etc at work. AND I told her I am still well over goal overall for month-to-date. But apparently management gets on HER case on a day to day basis if someone is under goal one day. I don't get how they have enough time to be that ****ing micro-managing. I'm meeting goal for month to date overall during a very difficult month so I want to tell her to shut the **** up and leave me alone so I can work. Not to mention she took me away from production to get on my case and make me explain ONE DAY.

Now I have a NEW reason to want to see a pdoc - to ask them to write me out of work for like 3 weeks!!!! **** this ****.
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 10:24 AM
  #955
 
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I'm on break now but just before my break, my Sup messaged me to chastise me for being under goal yesterday and wanting to know why. I told her I am tired and struggling with life-stuff in general in addition to being worn out from the overtime/phones/etc at work. AND I told her I am still well over goal overall for month-to-date. But apparently management gets on HER case on a day to day basis if someone is under goal one day. I don't get how they have enough time to be that ****ing micro-managing. I'm meeting goal for month to date overall during a very difficult month so I want to tell her to shut the **** up and leave me alone so I can work. Not to mention she took me away from production to get on my case and make me explain ONE DAY.

Now I have a NEW reason to want to see a pdoc - to ask them to write me out of work for like 3 weeks!!!! **** this ****.

Ugh, that sounds so frustrating! It does seem ridiculous for her to be on your case about one day. It seems like it should be considered on a weekly or monthly basis. Hugs, if wanted.
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 10:27 AM
  #956
 
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Ugh, that sounds so frustrating! It does seem ridiculous for her to be on your case about one day. It seems like it should be considered on a weekly or monthly basis. Hugs, if wanted.
Thanks. I know, right? Even for Saturday through Tuesday overall, I'm over goal. One stinkin' day.... and I wasn't even that far under.
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 10:27 AM
  #957
 
break's over... back to it.
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 10:35 AM
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break's over... back to it.
hope work goes fast, Artie

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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 10:50 AM
  #959
 
My wife's primary care doctor prescribes her antidepressant, and I have a psychiatric nurse practitioner that I like. Accessing an actual psychiatrist in my area can be absurdly difficult and expensive, but we've both been happy with the providers we have.

You might also be surprised at how you feel with a new therapist. In some ways it might be easier than going back to L because you have a fresh start without any baggage. I am also wondering how you would feel about yourself for going back to her after a year away since you have fairly ambivalent feelings about your relationship with her. I don't think there is anything wrong with going back to her, but I do think it might needlessly complicate things. Even if a new T has to schedule you a while out, just having an appointment would probably start to make you feel better.
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Old Jan 25, 2023 at 11:53 AM
  #960
 
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My wife's primary care doctor prescribes her antidepressant, and I have a psychiatric nurse practitioner that I like. Accessing an actual psychiatrist in my area can be absurdly difficult and expensive, but we've both been happy with the providers we have.

You might also be surprised at how you feel with a new therapist. In some ways it might be easier than going back to L because you have a fresh start without any baggage. I am also wondering how you would feel about yourself for going back to her after a year away since you have fairly ambivalent feelings about your relationship with her. I don't think there is anything wrong with going back to her, but I do think it might needlessly complicate things. Even if a new T has to schedule you a while out, just having an appointment would probably start to make you feel better.
You make good points here. I'd add, too, that it can definitely seem daunting to start with a new T. But someone new can also have fresh insights. Part of why I stayed with Dr. T after intending to see him only briefly is that he seemed very insightful after the first few sessions. I'd been seeing ex-T for 6 years, so made sense that she likely wouldn't have as much new to say. Backup T R also had lots of insight. (Not so much the latest backup T.)

So it could be that you learn something helpful very quickly, or at least get a different perspective. Plus, you're not the same person now as you were when you were seeing L. And it may seem like you're starting from scratch, but you're not. You've likely already processed lots of things and know what is and isn't important to your life now and what you're working through. So it's more like starting in the middle, or even further in.

Yes, I know I mentioned going back to L, but I think a new T could be very helpful as well. I was just thinking of how you said you didn't think you were ready for that.
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