[Calla lily12]

I need to ask you all a question. How many of you are "allowed" to e mail T and does T reply. ? At first he told me " no contact after hours", then he said a few times "e mail me". It seems when I need him the most he doesn't answer or says something that leaves me cold. I'm in (what word is worse than depression?). Hell? Maybe...... This is the first time I've been out of bed since Wednesday. I need to speak to him desperately. If I e mail him in desperation (sorry ..too dramatic). and he doesn't respond, it will push me over the edge.
I seriously need to talk to him. Would you guys take the chance?

[Calla lily12]

Sorry....I didn't see the thread about this issue. If you still want to answer this I'd really appreciate it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Do you need to go to a hospital? Many Ts won't be there during a crisis. They're not 24/7 Ts like a DBT T usually is.

Why not call?

L allows me to email as much as I want about whatever I want. But for a crisis, I call and leave a message. If I can't call for one reason or another, I'll email her that I need her to call. L always responds, but it can take up to 24hrs for her to respond.

Do you have a crisis plan? Have you ever made a crisis curve (plotting out the stages of your patterns during a crisis)?

L and I have created both. She wants me to reach out BEFORE the peak of a crisis. And I know what skills to use to help me through it.

[Calla lily12]

No hospital...no way. I kind of wish there was a happy medium. My problem (s) are I'm going through a med withdrawal that's supposedly not dangerous but feels like hell, I just had minor surgery, this time of year is particularly bad, and something he said last session is bothering me a great deal. I'd be happy with a one sentence e mail. I know he'd never return a call. This is the worst I've felt in a long time,but I can't even think about the hospital.

[Calla lily12]

I never really had a crisis plan and I'm one of those people who will downplay a crisis anyway.

[SlumberKitty]

Maybe try a crisis line or a warm line? I don't know if I would risk feeling worse if your T doesn't respond. Hugs if okay, Kit

[Rive.]

I was also gonna say crisis line.

But if he said 'email me' then you could email saying: 'you said I could email you and this [X] is happening with me right now.' Then tell me what you need i.e. a reply from him, reassurance / tools, a quick phone call to touch base etc.

1. I would add the 'you said you could email me' because of his inconsistency. So, this would be a reminder that he *did* give you this opportunity and you are not breaking a boundary.
2. Also specify what you expect from him as a lack of response would create upset. This way, your message is clear.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Rive.

I was also gonna say crisis line.

But if he said 'email me' then you could email saying: 'you said I could email you and this [X] is happening with me right now.' Then tell me what you need i.e. a reply from him, reassurance / tools, a quick phone call to touch base etc.

1. I would add the 'you said you could email me' because of his inconsistency. So, this would be a reminder that he *did* give you this opportunity and you are not breaking a boundary.
2. Also specify what you expect from him as a lack of response would create upset. This way, your message is clear.

I agree with all this. You could say that you'd prefer a response, but to at the very least "please confirm receipt."

My T does allow email and generally replies to it in the mornings. If he's unable to reply for some reason (or feels it should wait for a session), he lets me know. But we've had multiple discussions about this policy, and he's been consistent for the most part.

I think it's worth emailing, but then I'd also have a conversation next session about what the boundaries and expectations are around email. Also, could you request an earlier session? Mine will often accommodate that if he has room in his schedule. Or if it's more of an emergency, which it sounds like yours is, he might add an extra hour at the beginning or end of day (he's done that once or twice).

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I can't email, I can only call him to arrange a phone call two times a week, though it's really only one time and the other would be a huge, huge exception. If I was in your situation and knew my T was working on some day, I'd probably try calling and leaving a voice message instead of email.

[Calla lily12]

Originally Posted by Rive.

I was also gonna say crisis line.

But if he said 'email me' then you could email saying: 'you said I could email you and this [X] is happening with me right now.' Then tell me what you need i.e. a reply from him, reassurance / tools, a quick phone call to touch base etc.

1. I would add the 'you said you could email me' because of his inconsistency. So, this would be a reminder that he *did* give you this opportunity and you are not breaking a boundary.
2. Also specify what you expect from him as a lack of response would create upset. This way, your message is clear.

You're so right about his inconsistency. ! I did try to e mail him and so far it's worked out well.

[Calla lily12]

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

I can't email, I can only call him to arrange a phone call two times a week, though it's really only one time and the other would be a huge, huge exception. If I was in your situation and knew my T was working on some day, I'd probably try calling and leaving a voice message instead of email.

I wish I could call him but he said that'd a hard NO. I did e mail him and I was surprised he said in order to balance being there for me and being there for himself, he'd answer me but it may not be immediately. Better than nothing. At least I know he hears me and cares.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Calla lily12

I wish I could call him but he said that'd a hard NO. I did e mail him and I was surprised he said in order to balance being there for me and being there for himself, he'd answer me but it may not be immediately. Better than nothing. At least I know he hears me and cares.

I'm glad he said he would respond to you. My T doesn't allow phone calls either (though a previous one did on occasion). I hope he doesn't take too long to reply and that it's helpful!

[*Beth*]

I can email my t all I want. Does she answer? Not that I can recall. If I ask her about an email I sent she almost always says she didn't see it. Then she'll jump up and waste session time, scrolling through her emails. Sometimes I have emailed her just because I have to tell her something (even though I doubt she'll pay attention).

Anyway, how are you doing @Calla lily12 ?

[Calla lily12]

Hi Beth. I'm better than I was but not great. I did e mail him and he said he would answer as soon as he could. He needed the weekend to rest. That's more than I expected ,so I'm grateful.
How are you doing, Beth?

[Lostislost]

I can email my T any time, and he replies if it's needed. Always makes me feel worse though...to get those replies, that we can talk about it next session, see you next week, you sound upset etc etc. I did it just before Christmas, like a complete idiot, and it's still making me feel like crap.

[Mountaindewed]

My T says I can email her, that she likes it when clients email her since the sessions are short but she rarely responds. She apologized today about not replying to them and made some comment about how every day last week felt like a full moon, or something like that. Idk.

[Salmon77]

I only exchange emails with my T regarding scheduling and issues like that. If I really needed to talk to him sooner than my next session, I would probably see if I could get on his schedule earlier. Maybe something like a short phone session would be possible. I hope you're starting to feel better.