Family constellations

Hello. Yesterday I attended my first Family Constellations meeting ever. I'm a 48 years old man. My problem is that I develop very strong bonds with my pets, and when they die I suffer a lot. It's not just the grief, but it affects my mind too. Once I have buried my loved pet, I start feeling guilty about it. I think my pet feels alone and abandoned in his grave, and the guilt is such that I have exhumed my pets bodies several times. Based only on this data, the Family Constellations facilitator came to the conclusion that my problem comes from the fact that my mother had 2 miscarriages, and so unconsciuosly I see my pets as if they were my lost brothers, for whom I take a lot of reponsability. Does it make any sense to you ? What other causations and solutions can you think of for my problem ?

I've never heard of Family Constellations. What is it? That interpretation seems like a bit of a stretch to me.

Well, it's a possible explanation, but even if it is part of the answer I assume there is more to uncover than just that. E.g. if your parents blamed you for the miscarriages etc. More to the point, if you don't feel it is a good explanation than that is already a good enough reason to doubt and discuss it with your therapist. Good luck!

I suppose that could be it? But it's really common to love pets, more than people sometimes! because we love them so much, the pain is awful when they leave. I lay awake for ages imagining my dog all alone somewhere after he died, it broke my heart.

The bit that stands out is that you exhume them. Does that help you at all? Maybe pets and babies have a similarity in that they are pure, wholesome, defensless?

I too take some pet deaths very hard. And while I have never dug one back up I have seriously contemplated preserving them somehow. But then this was not uncommon in my family as my aunt has a special freezer in the basement with all of her deceased pets... so. Personally I have a hard time drawing the connection to lost siblings because of your mothers miscarriages but what I think really is not important. does this therapist/modality seem to be helping you get to a healthier place would be my bottom line.

I know it's not the same, but we cremated all our dogs and we keep their ashes in memorial boxes in our bedroom. We will bury them with us when we pass.

Every loss has been heartache for us. It helps having their ashes and I made scrapbooks for each. But each loss has its own twinge of pain. The last one is probably the hardest for me because I was the one who administered the medication that killed her. It's been a year and I still cry sometimes at night for her.

All I'm trying to say is that I can emphasize with your losses.

Nobody but you can know why you feel the way you do. It is possible that it's because of trauma associated with your mom's past issues. It's possible that it's not. Does it ring true to you, does it feel like the person who said this saw some part of you that you failed to see, or others have never really understood? Or was it more of a huh, I didn't really ever think about this and I don't feel "seen" by this comment? It's probably impossible to find out what really is the ultimate truth. But what's important is how you feel about it. If you think this is the explanation you always searched for and now that you think about it, this makes total sense, then that's the path to follow. If it, however, irritates you and you feel like your conversation partner didn't really get it, then it's probably not correct.

Just my two cents, I think there's a lot of possibilities as to why people get attached to pets, and while some might be from past trauma, maybe these animals just are like family to you (which is the case for lots of people) and you're having trouble dealing with grief/this specific kind of grief. As for solutions, talking about it is a good first step. Recognizing it's an issue. A good therapist/partner in this journey will be somebody who teaches you how to grief in a better way while working through the emotions associated with it.