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Grand Magnate
nottrustin
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
375 hugs
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#1
*** trigger warning***
Today in my session with T we discussed my fear of what people would think of me if they knew my past. We actually talked about this last week but continued the discussion today. I told her that I feared people would think I wanted the abuse I endured as a young teen. So they would think I was a slut. i told her of another incident That happened about the same time as my CSA. She is the only person I have ever told about this. She told me that what happened in the other jncidence was not me being a slut but rather I was r@8ed. This sent me into a dark space. I ever thought of it as r@8e. It makes me feel even dirtier than ever before. I just want to give up I cannot tolerate the psin.. [TRIGGER][/TRIGGER] __________________ |
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*Beth*, AliceKate, ArtieTheSequal, BizzyBee, Calla lily12, LonesomeTonight, Lostislost, Taylor27
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Lostislost
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Member Since: May 2020
Location: Uk
Posts: 557
890 hugs
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#2
I also feel dirty about these things. I have to constantly remind myself that as a child, you weren't at fault. We feel dirty because of how disgusting the people are that hurt us, they are the dirty ones. We can wash ourselves and know we did nothing wrong. I hope you are ok and take good care of yourself today.
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LonesomeTonight, Taylor27
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AliceKate, comrademoomoo, LonesomeTonight, nottrustin, Rive., Taylor27
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Grand Poohbah
comrademoomoo
is losing at chess, winning at blundering
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,698
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#3
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nottrustin, Taylor27
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AliceKate, LonesomeTonight, Lostislost, nottrustin, Taylor27
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Grand Magnate
nottrustin
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
375 hugs
given |
#4
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Member
Oliviab
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Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 102
84 hugs
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#5
I read a poem once about shame that was so powerful, I think of it often. There was a line in it about forced to swallow the guilt of another and tend what grows.
I shared this poem with my T and he will reference it when I am swamped with shame and feeling like I am dirty and contaminated due to CSA. He reminds me that this is not my shame, that it belongs to another. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Veteran Member
Marie123
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Member Since: Jan 2011
Posts: 574
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#6
Try to put the blame and shame where it belongs......on the abuser. I know that is difficult. You are carrying the abusers "stuff" HIS shame for what he did. It might help to write a letter to the abuser....it's called restorative justice...restorative justice says.....this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. It is for yourself. You can keep it, or send it.
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nottrustin
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Grand Member
Calla lily12
Calla is nothing
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: a place far away
Posts: 826
978 hugs
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#7
Quote:
I was blamed for my r*** and that pain won't go away. My own mother said I must have done something to encourage it. I hope you can see yourself as a good person deserving of compassion. __________________ Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.... |
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LonesomeTonight, nottrustin
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