advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
MuddyBoots
Monster on the Hill
 
MuddyBoots's Avatar
MuddyBoots Bricks through the window and I think it's time I go
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
4,819 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 27, 2023 at 02:22 PM
  #1
Anyone else hate this question? Come on, I don't know your "powers." Fix me?

I ask what kinds of things they could do to help and I never get a direct answer. This is with all therapists/case workers I've had.

edit: Also, similarly, asking what you "need from [them[ right now"

__________________
If any chord that I could strum
Make me feel less like a man
I'd slam my fingers in the doorway
And shatter all the bones
So I could never strum again

Last edited by MuddyBoots; Jan 27, 2023 at 03:59 PM..
MuddyBoots is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
AliceKate, Fuzzybear, SlumberKitty, Taylor27
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated

advertisement
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Jan 27, 2023 at 02:32 PM
  #2
I recall, once, a therapist I was seeing asked me what I "needed". I didn't know what to tell her. I think I said something that, in retrospect, didn't make a whole lot of sense in the whole scheme of things. But it was what came to mind at the time. Ultimately, though, it didn't really matter because it was only a short time later I quit seeing her and haven't seen a therapist since.

__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
AliceKate, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated
zoiecat
Grand Member
 
zoiecat's Avatar
zoiecat has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 916
5 yr Member
409 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 27, 2023 at 03:00 PM
  #3
To me that question is fact finding. They are not asking you to tell specifically how to help but rather what do you want to get out of therapy.

Do you want to decrease your depression...stop panic attacks...be able to better handle a relationship? Why did you feel the need to start therapy.

They can't help you or even know where to start if they don't know what you are looking for.
zoiecat is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Rive., unaluna
MuddyBoots
Monster on the Hill
 
MuddyBoots's Avatar
MuddyBoots Bricks through the window and I think it's time I go
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
4,819 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 27, 2023 at 03:57 PM
  #4
I'm not talking like a first "get to know you" appointment. I'm talking like in mid-tough session when you're dissociated af and they want to know "what you need"

__________________
If any chord that I could strum
Make me feel less like a man
I'd slam my fingers in the doorway
And shatter all the bones
So I could never strum again
MuddyBoots is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated
ScarletPimpernel
Wise Elder
 
ScarletPimpernel's Avatar
ScarletPimpernel has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,392 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
6,348 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 27, 2023 at 04:52 PM
  #5
Maybe come up with some ideas when you're not dissociated?

L and I have a bunch of different activities to do when I'm getting close or am outside my window of tolerance. Things like handholding, pick your poison questions, talking about my dogs, deep breathing, etc. She'll usually suggest something and we try it. If that doesn't work, we try something else. And we always start the session determining where I'm at in the window, and she or I checks in if either notice me starting to dissociate.

__________________
"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
ScarletPimpernel is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
AliceKate, unaluna
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 27, 2023 at 05:12 PM
  #6
I hate that question too. Even random T has not asked me that question. Long term former T who I loved deeply would ask me that question and it was such a pointless question. IF I knew what would help I would suggest it. Obviously I had no idea what would help. All I knew is that I wanted help.

Just want you to know you aren't alone. I think that is one of the most irritating T questions. HUGS if wanted, Kit

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
AliceKate
 
Thanks for this!
Rive.
zoiecat
Grand Member
 
zoiecat's Avatar
zoiecat has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 916
5 yr Member
409 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 28, 2023 at 10:40 PM
  #7
My T and I always discussed when I was present as to what kinds of things would be most helpful to me when I dissociated. I really liked when he gave me a cold pop can to hold. I liked looking at the color and feel the cold smooth can. I HATE when he tells me do hand drops onto my knees and he knows it but still suggests it when I dissociate. What works for each individual is different which is probably why they are asking.
zoiecat is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
ElectricManatee
Magnate
 
ElectricManatee's Avatar
ElectricManatee has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
5 yr Member
4,704 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 29, 2023 at 02:48 AM
  #8
I have always hated the "what do you need?" question, and I'm starting to find it useful. Sometimes I say that I need to talk about X or we need to stop talking about Y. Sometimes I say that I need a way to calm down. One time I half-jokingly/half-exaperately told her that I needed a nap, and then we strategized what I could do to make that happen and I ended up taking a nap every day that week. Taking a second to really think about what I need in the moment has started to bleed over into non-therapy time when I ask myself what I need and how/whether I can get it, which seems silly except that I used to not really care whether I was getting what I needed. So it's an annoying question but maybe also a useful exercise?
ElectricManatee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
AliceKate, Oliviab, unaluna, zoiecat
ArtleyWilkins
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
5 yr Member
7 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 29, 2023 at 07:03 AM
  #9
While I hated the question, ultimately it taught me to put thoughts to my feelings, to put words to those thoughts, to advocate for myself rather than to freeze, to be communicate rather than dissociate. It taught me self agency instead of helplessness.

Still hated the question, but I reached a place where I could express what I needed before I was asked, and that was growth for me.
ArtleyWilkins is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
AliceKate, East17, Oliviab, Rive., zoiecat
AprilRains
Junior Member
AprilRains has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2023
Location: USA
Posts: 10
1 yr Member
Default Feb 24, 2023 at 02:11 PM
  #10
Sometimes I have honestly not known what to say but I can also see that my therapist also wasn't sure of exactly what I needed. Part of therapy is learning to how to ask for what you need from friends, family, partners, co-workers, and other people who come into contact with. It can be really, really hard. Right now I am struggling with that very issue.

I think it is always ok to say you don't know. Sometimes what I find helpful is to state what I wish could happen. That can be different than what someone can specifically do. For example, once I said I what I really wanted was to experience a mother who wasn't critical because I didn't know what that was like. That isn't something my therapist could specifically do for me but it did help move me forward.
AprilRains is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
AliceKate
mote.of.soul
Mad Walker
 
mote.of.soul's Avatar
mote.of.soul Act not the goat
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,034 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
21.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Feb 25, 2023 at 04:45 AM
  #11
Yes, being asked that question can be quite surprising all right. It's like if you went to a doctor and described exactly what's ailing you, and then s/he turns around says, "Well, what can I do to help you?!" (Not quite the same thing, I know.) That's why it's always good to know right from the outset why you want the counseling. Then you can ask them straight away that you'd like them to help you with this, this, and this, please. And if they say they can't really help you with that, then you can just leave and not spend the next 10 years talking round and round in circles and not really making any progress.

__________________
"A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
mote.of.soul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
"boyfriend", "manfriend", "partner", "spouse", or "husband?" WishfulThinker66 Relationships & Communication 6 Jul 13, 2019 01:08 AM
9 year old told me he feels "blank" "empty" "doesn't feel happy" BananaPancakes Partners of People & Caregivers Support 10 Sep 10, 2016 01:52 AM
Constantly feeling "on edge", "nervous", "stressed??" Occasional Tilter Anxiety, Panic and Phobias 5 Aug 21, 2014 10:16 AM
"chatterbox" "lemme outa here" "talkaholic" BrokenNBeautiful Borderline Personality Disorder 9 Jun 10, 2012 02:12 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:39 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.