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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,808
7 6,354 hugs
given |
#981
I didn't message her. The DNA match I got was for a cousin. I had to build an extensive family tree of that person before I could find the details that lined up with the info I had on my birth family, which was basically just ages and genders of bm, her parents and her siblings. So the bm and half-sisters are not DNA matches. You'd think a new first cousin DNA match would arouse some curiosity though, assuming that person saw it.
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ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,763
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#982
Quote:
Could you reach out to the cousin maybe? Depending on what program you're using, I think there's a way to message someone within it (you can with 23andme, I believe). |
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SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,763
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#983
Quote:
Ugh, I'm sorry, Lost. I'd think maybe it's required listening for people who don't think they have a chance of being touched by it, but certainly not for those who have been affected by it. Hugs, if wanted. And it's not your responsibility to change the world. Were you considering contacting the host about it being inappropriate to send a message like that? Or were you more wondering whether you need to listen to it? |
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SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,797
12 3,129 hugs
given |
#984
I didn't want to engage with it, but I am amazed at the insensitivity of it. I don't feel like I have the reserves as I am right now to voice my concerns.
It touched a nerve, and I am in a raw place at the moment. Thanks so much for the hugs. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
*Beth*, ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,808
7 6,354 hugs
given |
#985
Yes, I can do that, but I'm not sure if I want to do that as it will open a whole other can of worms I don't think I'm emotionally prepared for at this time. I haven't even told my mother about any of this yet. I was drinking last night and feeling tempted to contact these people anyway. Thankfully I resisted that urge.
Last edited by NP_Complete; Mar 19, 2023 at 04:46 PM.. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,731
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
given |
#986
The weather is nuts - 60s last week and now it doesn't get above freezing and march is still like a lion not a lamb. I hate walking the dogs in windy cold - I am okay with just cold -but wind and cold is unhappy walking for me.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,714
5 |
#987
Quote:
Reminders of trauma, especially very recent ones or ones with which we were intimately involved, are horrible. And unavoidable. I have found some ways of dealing with my distress when I bump into triggers about CSA, but I still have some way to go with flashbacks etc. Hermitville is appealing. Do you have ways of managing your triggers with podcasts etc and with seeing the words you don't like? |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,797
12 3,129 hugs
given |
#988
Thanks, Comrade.
I certainly have ways, this was just a landmine in a context that I really wasn't expecting. At present I am recovering from having had COVID, and therefore not in the best state of mind to deal with such things rationally or reasonably. I'm well aware they're just words on a page or a screen, but in this specific context...it was maddening. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,714
5 |
#989
Quote:
The unexpected nature of these things can be a real gut lurch. I think rational and reasonable are very over rated ideas. Let this $hit out, it doesn't matter if it's messy and ugly. All the more reason to let it out. What has happened to you must be excruciating otherwise the words would indeed just be words. But, for you, they aren't. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,797
12 3,129 hugs
given |
#990
Thank you for clarifying.
I would be grateful to be able to articulate the messiness and ugliness of this experience. Strangely, it's moments like this that remind me of how much I need to but can't.
Possible trigger:
As someone who is a writer, and someone who teaches writing...I have particular ideas about how this needs to come out...and it's not obeying those rules. When has there ever been logic to grief? __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,714
5 |
#991
Quote:
Also, I don't want to faux-therapise, but could there be something else other than grief going on for you? It was noticeable that you thought I was saying they were just words when I was describing trauma. Could that be a projection, something like you feeling that you are making a big deal out of nothing? Believing normative ideas that you should move on, that you don't deserve to feel, or something? Beating yourself up. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,714
5 |
#992
You don't have to answer my questions obviously, it just struck me as a something noteworthy.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,797
12 3,129 hugs
given |
#993
Exactly.
There's a shame component to my grief this time around, but that realisation isn't even a week old yet. I intend to explore it further with R on Thursday. 'Big deal out of nothing' sums it up well. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Administrator
Community Support Team Member Since Apr 2009
Location: west coast, USA
Posts: 26,013
(SuperPoster!)
15 5,090 hugs
given |
#994
The new Couch is here: Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral
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SlumberKitty
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Closed Thread |
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