Coming to terms with my mental illness

I feel like I have made some progress, but it feels like I have a long way to go. In particular, I have not fully accepted my schizophrenia. I know I have schizophrenia, and I know some of my beliefs are false. Maybe I still believe that my diagnosis was just one big misunderstanding. I have heard this type of thinking is common in schizophrenia. Perhaps my delusions have simply migrated to the back of my mind, but they are still there. Oh, well.

Hi there. Do you know this channel: LivingWellwithSchizophrenia. It seems like a good resource. I watch it, too. She also doubts her diagnosis all the time. This video relates to that: Am I actually sick?. She has more on that, too. For what it's worth, I feel you. Schizophrenia is scary af and believing to have it must feel horribly restrictive.

I'm diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. Hallucinations and/or Dellusions are not a factor in this diagnosis, and yet I have experienced both, though not to the degree that it is said to be common with schizophrenia (i.e. I never fully believed in the delusions and could -as far as I know- always identify my -mostly visual- hallucinations as such). The image of me one day waking up to a full-blown psychosis is not something I like to dwell on, but seems to be a very real possibility. I try to do what I can to stop that. I eat well, I sleep well, I do sports. You know. The usual ****.

About a week ago, I had to do something for a course I'm taking (I'm in my mid-30s, but decided to go back to Uni). I worked 15 hours (not counting breaks), went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 2.30am to finish it. I did finish it, and passed the course, but yesterday was the first day my anxiety wasn't through the roof. It had such a great impact on me and showed me that I really need to take care of myself, regardless of my diagnosis.

Not sure where I am going with this, really. Just hoping you take care of yourself, regardless of whether you believe in your diagnosis or not.

I used to take care of myself, but then my medication got increased and I felt I had lost the capacity to do so. In the past, I have found when I am on much less medication, I tend to eat very well, exercise, sleep well, etc. I have a belief that my medication is anti-discipline in that regard. Oh, well.

Have you discussed this with you psychiatrist? That sucks.

It is very common, after being diagnosed with a mental illness, for someone to feel that there has possibly been a misunderstanding. Most of us struggle with that for a long time, unfortunately. (I'm dx'ed with bipolar disorder, was dx'ed decades ago, and still struggle with it.)