[MuddyBoots]

Anyone else hate this question? Come on, I don't know your "powers." Fix me?

I ask what kinds of things they could do to help and I never get a direct answer. This is with all therapists/case workers I've had.

edit: Also, similarly, asking what you "need from [them[ right now"

[Skeezyks]

I recall, once, a therapist I was seeing asked me what I "needed". I didn't know what to tell her. I think I said something that, in retrospect, didn't make a whole lot of sense in the whole scheme of things. But it was what came to mind at the time. Ultimately, though, it didn't really matter because it was only a short time later I quit seeing her and haven't seen a therapist since.

[zoiecat]

To me that question is fact finding. They are not asking you to tell specifically how to help but rather what do you want to get out of therapy.

Do you want to decrease your depression...stop panic attacks...be able to better handle a relationship? Why did you feel the need to start therapy.

They can't help you or even know where to start if they don't know what you are looking for.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm not talking like a first "get to know you" appointment. I'm talking like in mid-tough session when you're dissociated af and they want to know "what you need"

[ScarletPimpernel]

Maybe come up with some ideas when you're not dissociated?

L and I have a bunch of different activities to do when I'm getting close or am outside my window of tolerance. Things like handholding, pick your poison questions, talking about my dogs, deep breathing, etc. She'll usually suggest something and we try it. If that doesn't work, we try something else. And we always start the session determining where I'm at in the window, and she or I checks in if either notice me starting to dissociate.

[SlumberKitty]

I hate that question too. Even random T has not asked me that question. Long term former T who I loved deeply would ask me that question and it was such a pointless question. IF I knew what would help I would suggest it. Obviously I had no idea what would help. All I knew is that I wanted help.

Just want you to know you aren't alone. I think that is one of the most irritating T questions. HUGS if wanted, Kit

[zoiecat]

My T and I always discussed when I was present as to what kinds of things would be most helpful to me when I dissociated. I really liked when he gave me a cold pop can to hold. I liked looking at the color and feel the cold smooth can. I HATE when he tells me do hand drops onto my knees and he knows it but still suggests it when I dissociate. What works for each individual is different which is probably why they are asking.

[ElectricManatee]

I have always hated the "what do you need?" question, and I'm starting to find it useful. Sometimes I say that I need to talk about X or we need to stop talking about Y. Sometimes I say that I need a way to calm down. One time I half-jokingly/half-exaperately told her that I needed a nap, and then we strategized what I could do to make that happen and I ended up taking a nap every day that week. Taking a second to really think about what I need in the moment has started to bleed over into non-therapy time when I ask myself what I need and how/whether I can get it, which seems silly except that I used to not really care whether I was getting what I needed. So it's an annoying question but maybe also a useful exercise?

[ArtleyWilkins]

While I hated the question, ultimately it taught me to put thoughts to my feelings, to put words to those thoughts, to advocate for myself rather than to freeze, to be communicate rather than dissociate. It taught me self agency instead of helplessness.

Still hated the question, but I reached a place where I could express what I needed before I was asked, and that was growth for me.

[AprilRains]

Sometimes I have honestly not known what to say but I can also see that my therapist also wasn't sure of exactly what I needed. Part of therapy is learning to how to ask for what you need from friends, family, partners, co-workers, and other people who come into contact with. It can be really, really hard. Right now I am struggling with that very issue.

I think it is always ok to say you don't know. Sometimes what I find helpful is to state what I wish could happen. That can be different than what someone can specifically do. For example, once I said I what I really wanted was to experience a mother who wasn't critical because I didn't know what that was like. That isn't something my therapist could specifically do for me but it did help move me forward.

[mote.of.soul]

Yes, being asked that question can be quite surprising all right. It's like if you went to a doctor and described exactly what's ailing you, and then s/he turns around says, "Well, what can I do to help you?!" (Not quite the same thing, I know.) That's why it's always good to know right from the outset why you want the counseling. Then you can ask them straight away that you'd like them to help you with this, this, and this, please. And if they say they can't really help you with that, then you can just leave and not spend the next 10 years talking round and round in circles and not really making any progress.