My breakup with ex T

Yiiiikes. As hard as all this must be for you to hear, her reaction to you leaving just shows you how very much you needed to leave. I'm not sure what she's doing here, but it's certainly not therapeutic. I hope new T can help you come to a place of peace about all this. I'm sorry it's affecting you so much.

I'm really sorry Kit, that was an awful message to receive from an ex-T.

I agree with some of the others. Please consider blocking her. She is acting the part of an abuser and "turning you over to God" is her once again stating that if she can't help you, noone can. That is completely out of line and frankly narcissistic (not saying she is a narc, but this is still a very narcissistic thing to say). I understand that you want to protect her, and I understand that all of us bashing her may be very hard for you, and I want to apologize for joining in with more of the same, but be sure that this is all about her actions, and not at all about yours. Your love for her is beautiful, and your response to her was the kindest thing.

It is her actions that is in the wrong here, not on any level is any of this your fault. I hope you know that.

I generally am a little shy in responding but Kit, I wanted to gently tell you that she is very wrong that "no one else will carry you in their heart daily". While I don't know her intentions and I don't want to bash her for your sake, this just isn't true and something with a very disordered view would say. You deserve GOOD care with GOOD boundaries. You can definitely find that.

Wishing you much peace.

Biz

My thoughts exactly! I have been around my fair share of abusers and narcissists and this is exactly the kind of thing they say. I have so much respect for you Kit, in how you have handled this so far ❤️❤️❤️

She is playing the victim card again. Block, block, block.

That is seriously messed up (at least she is consistent in this one aspect) and grounds for formal complaint

Oh, wow. Just...wow. How are you doing, Kit? Honestly, I am concerned. Please check in.

btw...melatonin for sleep. 5 mg or 10.

Thinking of you, dear Kit.

Still thinking of you @SlumberKitty

Also thinking of you, Kit, and hoping you're doing OK.

I think she has family staying at the moment, looking at her posts in other places on here.

She might not have much chance to be online at the moment.

Thank you everyone for your support.

New T texted me on Friday after I let her know about the text messages with former T. New T said

Oh Kit, I'm so sorry! It is not your job to comfort or make the other therapist feel better about the situation. Please do not take on this burden. Unfortunately, she is being inappropriate. Perhaps you should block her. It seems that continued contact fom her is detrimental to you.

Then on Saturday morning New T texted me to check on me. She said

Good morning, Kit, Just checking on you. How are you doing?

I said.

Hi T. I am hanging in there. No self harm. I am pretty depressed but my sister is here and we have been talking wedding stuff for 3 hours. It makes me a bit sad because I will probably never be able to get married but I am happy for her. I told three of my friends that I was feeling suicidal. Two prayed for me. I did not hear from the third. Today I just feel down and depressed but I am trying to just keep focused on my sister's joy. Thanks for checking. Have a wonderful weekend.

New T said:

Okay...does knowing that they are praying for you help?

Me:

Not a lot. But it encourages me to pray for myself which I am not good at.

trigger for Christianity


Then I said

So today, while I still feel depressed and even oppressed by this darkness, I don't feel the same suicidal feelings. They might come back, probably they will, and I will have to deal with them. But for now, I am not alone in the muck and the mire in the bottom of the pit.

New T said:

Yes, I can see how that could work for a little while. I'm glad there is at least some light down there for you. Remember you are worthy, you are loved, and you are important! No matter what the negative thoughts say!

I said:

Thanks!

I feel good that new T reached out to me in what I feel was an appropriate way. I haven't blocked old T. I probably should but IDK I still care about her. So I'm conflicted. In one of former T's texts she said, "I hope you get the miracle you need." Which sucked because it makes it sound like 1) I don't deserve to get better because a miracle is something you don't deserve, and 2) It's practically impossible for me to get better. That is still weighing on me and I am having trouble processing it.

Having my sister and three of her children here this weekend helped, although after about 7 hours I got a bit tired of the wedding stuff and needed to chill and relax so I went home with my Dad and Mom and my Sister's son while the girls and my sister continued to shop. I'm trying to be supportive of the wedding but feeling like crap this weekend and trying to be all happy for my sister took it's toll.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with new T. Hopefully we can process a bit more if needed. I am not in as much of a crisis now.

I still feel really depressed though. Just one day at a time.

I am so thankful for all of you here!

Thanks so much for your care and support during this time!

HUGS Kit

Ex-T has a knack for making you feel like crap.

Everything a T does should be in line with helping you. Ex T is being unprofessional, narcissistic and manipulative by saying no one will care like she does. I mean, I hope she's right because if this is "care" then who needs it? This is twisted and wrong. New T sounds like her contact is about helping you and that is fantastic.

You are trying so hard, with everything you have , to stay alive and healthy and everything that does not serve that goal is merely noise to be drowned out.

You could try blocking ex T as a trial to see how you feel. Try for 24 hours then 48 and just see if at the end of the trial period you feel better or worse for having done it.

I blocked a toxic person thinking I would unblock them in a week but the peace I felt meant I never unblocked them.

I'm so glad you've checked in, Kit. I totally understand your feelings about blocking/not blocking ex-t. I really like Jane's idea...sometimes a short-term block can really let us know where we stand. (((HUGGSSS)))

Kit,
What you wrote about light and darkness reminded me of a quote L and I use from Sandra King. We now always use the phrases like "letting the light shine in". Maybe this will help you?

Anyways, I am so so glad you seem to have a great new T. She seems like she's warm and caring and still has professional boundaries.

Thank you, Scarlet

This therapist needs to just shut up at this point. I can't believe the latest thing she's said. I understand why that would be hurtful to hear on multiple levels. I would probably be tempted to respond and tell her how the things she keeps saying are hurting you further, but I don't think it's a good idea to keep corresponding with her at this point.

I am so sorry that she reached out to you again. She should not have.

If protection was your "issue," then why did she ask for it by sending you those texts and photos? She deliberately put you in a position where it was very likely that you would feel protective. Who wouldn't?

I agree that blocking her might be necessary but I totally understand that you don't want to right now.

The responses from your new therapist were wonderful and very appropriate. I am glad you found someone who can be helpful and not harmful.

Sending more hugs, Kit

Thank you Artie.

Hey Kit,
First I want to own that I have only read your posts in this thread due to my own drama.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is not fair or right. If you cannot have a different relationship with ex T than the therapeutic one then she needs to have the self discipline to hold her end of the boundary. That has been a huge theme in my world right now... needing to hold people accountable for their side of the boundary.

I am glad that new T seems to be able to offer support and clarity through all of this.

What has helped me in similar situations recently is becoming even more clear on where MY boundary is... even with Awesome T and his retirement... where are my boundaries with all of it and as much as I hate it... what do I need from him, from the relationship, from our work together.

Hang in there.