My breakup with ex T

HUGS Velcro

I originally said that I thought the response was heartfelt and sweet. I still think some of it is, but I see more clearly now the problems with it and I had forgotten the previous posts you had written about the boundary issues and other things. I am sorry that it didn't work out with her. I think your new therapist's response was very nice. I hope you can do good work with the new therapist.

Oops, that was meant for the Couch thread! Sorry, Kit.

It's okay! HUGS

Crap. This saga is not over.

Ex T texted me. I had bought her books on self harm once she said she didn't understand it. She wanted to know if I wanted them mailed to me. I do not. I already have them. She said she was wondering what she did wrong. I just took the blame for everything. Said I loved her too much and didn't want to hurt her by being unwell and I am unwell right now. Thought maybe she would feel better. I feel like crap.

She responded back
Yes I understand. But I think we could have worked it out. Its ok. I want the best for you. If I'm not it so be it...but I doubt you will find anyone that carried you in their heart daily. I hope I'm wrong. But I can't deny its a big loss for me because I was thoroughly dedicated and determined to help you be well and peaceful. I have to turn it over to God now. Protecting me was your issue.
_____________

OMG! I am still being hurt by this woman. I cried a little and I don't even cry. I'm just trying to do what I think is best for my mental health. I haven't gotten any better with her in 14 months. I could be with her another 7 years and still not be better. I think that was enough of a trial to know that this approach isn't working. Maybe I should have tried to talk to her before leaving her. But I just chickened out. And she might have talked me into staying. I really felt it was time to leave. When I told her I was having trouble sleeping she told me to drink alcohol and smoke pot. Both things are not for me. And she should have known that. I don't care if other people do them, but they aren't right for me. Like what the heck. I texted new T who is going to get sick of me quick. I told her what was said. Not that she can help. My head hurts. This is like a bad romantic breakup. I'm such a mess.

Ugh, Kit, I'm so sorry. You're right that it sounds like a bad romantic breakup--hopefully she won't be showing up at your door with roses! She's acting very unprofessionally. It's like she used receiving the books as an excuse to contact you again--she could have just sent them along to you without asking. Or simply texted and said "I received the books--do you want me to send them to you or should I return them to Amazon?"

And it's wrong that she said again how she doubts anyone will love you/carry you in their heart (basically the same thing) like she did. I'm sorry. It seems like she's trying to guilt trip you. If you haven't replied to this latest message, I'd either let it go without replying or reply and say you think it would be best to not have any additional contact while you focus on your current therapy. Or something like that. But I understand that would be difficult to do. So maybe just let this text be and don't respond to any others from her.

Hugs...

omg Kit "Protecting me was your issue." ??? That's so not right for her to say that, she definitely has no right to guilt trip you like that. I am so very sorry that you're having to deal with that bs on top of everything.

wait what?? She told you to drink alcohol and smoke pot when you said you were having trouble sleeping?! Just, wow.

Oh, I forgot to respond to that part about the alcohol and pot. So, yes, alcohol can potentially help you fall asleep, but it's ultimately disruptive to sleep--leading to waking in the middle of the night or at least poor-quality sleep. Definitely not something a therapist should be recommending! Pot, I'm not sure? There are other natural things she could recommend, like chamomile tea, magnesium, a weighted blanket, lavender oil, etc. Maybe CBD/hemp oil (which you can get without any THC, the part of pot that makes people high), which I've been trying at times for sleep with varied success.

I'm not saying she is one, but she's playing out of an abuser's handbook with the whole "no one will love you like I love you"/"you'll never find love again" thing. She's making all of this about her and her ego. You made this move because it is what you needed and I think it's great that you were able to see that and act on it. Maybe consider just blocking her at this point?

Goodness me Kit, I'm shocked that exT has contacted you again and sorry for the bad effect its had on you. She is definitely out of order, and if you haven't already done so, I'd block further contact from her in order to protect yourself.

You've already said elsewhere that you've had to contact a crisis line. It's totally unacceptable that she's making you feel so bad.

As the client you have the right to leave, to say that it's not working, either with or without any further explanation.

I know you have a kind heart, but this Ts behaviour is bordering on emotionally abusive. Please do what you need to do to look after yourself.

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk

Yiiiikes. As hard as all this must be for you to hear, her reaction to you leaving just shows you how very much you needed to leave. I'm not sure what she's doing here, but it's certainly not therapeutic. I hope new T can help you come to a place of peace about all this. I'm sorry it's affecting you so much.

I'm really sorry Kit, that was an awful message to receive from an ex-T.

I agree with some of the others. Please consider blocking her. She is acting the part of an abuser and "turning you over to God" is her once again stating that if she can't help you, noone can. That is completely out of line and frankly narcissistic (not saying she is a narc, but this is still a very narcissistic thing to say). I understand that you want to protect her, and I understand that all of us bashing her may be very hard for you, and I want to apologize for joining in with more of the same, but be sure that this is all about her actions, and not at all about yours. Your love for her is beautiful, and your response to her was the kindest thing.

It is her actions that is in the wrong here, not on any level is any of this your fault. I hope you know that.

I generally am a little shy in responding but Kit, I wanted to gently tell you that she is very wrong that "no one else will carry you in their heart daily". While I don't know her intentions and I don't want to bash her for your sake, this just isn't true and something with a very disordered view would say. You deserve GOOD care with GOOD boundaries. You can definitely find that.

Wishing you much peace.

Biz

My thoughts exactly! I have been around my fair share of abusers and narcissists and this is exactly the kind of thing they say. I have so much respect for you Kit, in how you have handled this so far ❤️❤️❤️

She is playing the victim card again. Block, block, block.

That is seriously messed up (at least she is consistent in this one aspect) and grounds for formal complaint

Oh, wow. Just...wow. How are you doing, Kit? Honestly, I am concerned. Please check in.

btw...melatonin for sleep. 5 mg or 10.

Thinking of you, dear Kit.

Still thinking of you @SlumberKitty