How do you cope with therapy

AnaWhitney · Feb 28, 2023 at 08:01 PM

To the amazing people here who are long term therapy go-ers, how do you do it ? How do you get through the difficult emotions that come up in between sessions? I’m not used to having emotions and I’m shocked at how I’ve been over the last few weeks. I want to work through my stuff but I don’t want to feel anything in between🙈🙈

LonesomeTonight · Feb 28, 2023 at 08:46 PM

For me, going more often--twice a week, then, once the pandemic started, three times a week. It helped some. The option of outside contact (occasional emails) helps at times, too (though sometimes can lead to more stress). But then, I still struggle. (And I intend to cut back to twice a week soon, for various reasons.) For me, much of this comes from anxious attachment, difficulty in holding onto people in my mind, trusting they'll still be there, won't abandon me, etc. Stuff going back to childhood. Could that be the case for you maybe?

Normally, I'd say to talk about all this with your therapist, to talk about possible ways to help with times between sessions, to see whether more frequent sessions are possible (if feasible for you), whether outside contact is an option (if it's not already), etc. Or to just discuss other coping mechanisms. But I saw from your other thread that you're in a weird situation with your therapist, where she's requiring you to share info in order to meet with her again. So I'm not sure when you'll talk to her again.

Deejay14 · Feb 28, 2023 at 10:19 PM

It is generally easier to learn coping skills first and then the bigger life issues that brought you to therapy. At the very least learn them concurrently.

East17 · Feb 28, 2023 at 11:00 PM

Making sure you're in a safe enough place to be able to do the work is really important, as are learning coping/grounding skills so that you can cope with whatever comes up in the course of therapy.

There's no way around not feeling anything in between sessions I'm afraid, therapy doesn't stop when we leave the session. We carry on processing stuff in between. In fact, that's where a lot of the work is done, in our thinking things through between meeting with our Ts.

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*Beth* · Feb 28, 2023 at 11:43 PM

Have sessions twice a week and get plenty of sleep so my brain can process and my body can rest.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Mar 01, 2023 at 04:19 AM

Early on I'd go twice a week, at first I'd ask for a second session from time to time, later it was a scheduled thing. By now, I have learned enough coping skills that I don't need to go in twice anymore (except in some huge emergency). I have the option to text my T on Wednesday to ask about the possibility of a short phone call, which usually can be done.
In addition, I try to write down what I'm thinking about if things get intense so I can remind myself when it's close to my session.

AnaWhitney · Mar 01, 2023 at 07:11 AM

Thank you everyone, I have heard it said a lot of times on here about the importance of building a good relationship with the T first. I wonder if that’s what my problem is?
I tend to feel safer in the early stages with a T and it only gets harder for me to open up once I get used to them. I was so determined to work on myself once and for all and not be beaten this time, that I jumped in once I met her a couple of times, I decided I liked her more than my other Ts and my stuff felt like it wanted to come out so I unleashed it 🤣🤣 I think I then couldn’t handle it and started going a bit crazy and would barely communicate.
I have got the impression that she’s baffled by me, she often says things like she’s going to do some research etc.
Do you not find that it’s worse if you actually put time into building a ‘trusting’ relationship with a T? That’s giving them a lot of power and makes it so much harder to open up. I don’t think I can trust anyone to be trusted if that makes sense 🙈 I’d rather just not trust them but tell them stuff anyway
Is that what Im doing wrong 🤔

LonesomeTonight · Mar 01, 2023 at 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnaWhitney

Thank you everyone, I have heard it said a lot of times on here about the importance of building a good relationship with the T first. I wonder if that’s what my problem is?
I tend to feel safer in the early stages with a T and it only gets harder for me to open up once I get used to them. I was so determined to work on myself once and for all and not be beaten this time, that I jumped in once I met her a couple of times, I decided I liked her more than my other Ts and my stuff felt like it wanted to come out so I unleashed it 🤣🤣 I think I then couldn’t handle it and started going a bit crazy and would barely communicate.
I have got the impression that she’s baffled by me, she often says things like she’s going to do some research etc.
Do you not find that it’s worse if you actually put time into building a ‘trusting’ relationship with a T? That’s giving them a lot of power and makes it so much harder to open up. I don’t think I can trust anyone to be trusted if that makes sense 🙈 I’d rather just not trust them but tell them stuff anyway
Is that what Im doing wrong 🤔

I wouldn't say it's what you're doing *wrong* exactly. It's just your process right now.

But I'm guessing maybe you were hurt badly in the past by a person or people that you really trusted? Which makes trust seem dangerous? That seems like something to work through with a therapist.

I would try telling your T some of what you said here.

Also, with my current T, my third session with him, I really opened up about stuff, then felt really exposed after. And afraid he would think I was too messed up or be afraid of working with me (it was stuff about my transference for ex-MC, but it all kind of came out at once--it was also the first time I'd cried in front of him). So I understand that feeling of seeming too exposed. I think it would also be good to discuss that with her.

AnaWhitney · Mar 01, 2023 at 09:32 AM

I actually wasn’t! I’ve never felt like anyone did anything or betrayed my trust. I don’t let people stay around that long 🙈 At least if I’d had a partner cheat on me or something then I could understand my own behaviour. That’s why I struggle with myself so much because it just doesn’t make sense. The problem is and always has been me

Waterbear · Mar 01, 2023 at 11:39 AM

The honest answer is I am not sure I do cope. Not very well, anyway. It is so freaking hard dragging all of this stuff up week in and week out, to feel all of these feelings all of the time. To be constantly triggered by everything you see, hear or read. Trying to get on with 'normal life' knowing what you know and dealing with what you are dealing with sometimes feels simply impossible. Sometimes it is simply impossible. But the things that do help me are writing a therapy journal; having two sessions a week; knowing that I can email my therapist and trying to be kind to myself.

Therapy reviewed · Mar 01, 2023 at 12:46 PM

Between sessions is where it all happens... It gets manageable the longer you're in therapy. Kinda line "oh hello trauma my old friend".

Jesla · Mar 01, 2023 at 07:33 PM

ive learned a lot of good coping skills.

SlumberKitty · Mar 02, 2023 at 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesla

ive learned a lot of good coping skills.

That's great! I've learned some. I am working on learning more.

AliceKate · Mar 02, 2023 at 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnaWhitney

Do you not find that it’s worse if you actually put time into building a ‘trusting’ relationship with a T? That’s giving them a lot of power and makes it so much harder to open up. I don’t think I can trust anyone to be trusted if that makes sense 🙈 I’d rather just not trust them but tell them stuff anyway
Is that what Im doing wrong 🤔

I feel like that, too. The therapy relationship is super scary to me, tbh.

RTerroni · Mar 02, 2023 at 06:34 PM

It's hard to say, what I wanted to talk to my Therapist tomorrow has changed significantly so I really don't know how to approach things for tomorrow.

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AnaWhitney Member Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Somewhere Posts: 405 8 357 hugs given	Feb 28, 2023 at 08:01 PM #1 To the amazing people here who are long term therapy go-ers, how do you do it ? How do you get through the difficult emotions that come up in between sessions? I’m not used to having emotions and I’m shocked at how I’ve been over the last few weeks. I want to work through my stuff but I don’t want to feel anything in between🙈🙈
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Feb 28, 2023 at 11:43 PM #5 Have sessions twice a week and get plenty of sleep so my brain can process and my body can rest. __________________
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AnaWhitney Member Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Somewhere Posts: 405 8 357 hugs given	Mar 01, 2023 at 09:32 AM #9 I actually wasn’t! I’ve never felt like anyone did anything or betrayed my trust. I don’t let people stay around that long 🙈 At least if I’d had a partner cheat on me or something then I could understand my own behaviour. That’s why I struggle with myself so much because it just doesn’t make sense. The problem is and always has been me
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Therapy reviewed Member Member Since Sep 2022 Location: Uk Posts: 114 1 1 hugs given	Mar 01, 2023 at 12:46 PM #11 Between sessions is where it all happens... It gets manageable the longer you're in therapy. Kinda line "oh hello trauma my old friend".
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Jesla Member Member Since Jan 2022 Location: Nowhere Posts: 41 2 2 hugs given	Mar 01, 2023 at 07:33 PM #12 ive learned a lot of good coping skills.
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RTerroni Elder Member Since Sep 2013 Location: USA Posts: 5,751 10 2,136 hugs given	Mar 02, 2023 at 06:34 PM #15 It's hard to say, what I wanted to talk to my Therapist tomorrow has changed significantly so I really don't know how to approach things for tomorrow. __________________ COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022
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