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Old Mar 20, 2023 at 10:43 AM
  #21
 
Three more sleeps until we next meet.

Plenty to talk about, as ever.

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Old Mar 20, 2023 at 11:05 AM
  #22
 
So I emailed you and asked if I could switch to remote and you were like no problem! In fact if you wanted to rest we can do zoom tommorow morning instead." I said yeah that would be fine. But well played since you told me last week I'm your first client, so now you get a big chunk of today off. I'm currently still on the verge of puking so I know it wasn't the session anyways that was making me sick and I would not have been productive today.

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Old Mar 20, 2023 at 12:29 PM
  #23
 
Would you find it weird if I spent next session with my hands over my chest?

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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Old Mar 20, 2023 at 12:43 PM
  #24
 
I know this is weird, but I hope you don't forget to text me and remind me that we have a session tomorrow. Even though I already know. I like those reminder texts. Just a little reminder that you are there. Of course, I probably won't tell you that part. But maybe, if I am feeling brave, I will. Kit

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Old Mar 20, 2023 at 12:50 PM
  #25
 
Okay, that's weird. I just posted about you not texting me about our session and then you just texted me saying you double booked for tomorrow at 1 PM and could I change my appointment to 2 PM?

I haven't responded yet. I can change the appointment. I just feel........IDK. Less than? Not as important? Maybe you scheduled the other person first. Why don't you have regular session times instead of well, what do you have open next week?

Humph. Silly thing to be miffed about. But I am a little miffed. Kit

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Old Mar 20, 2023 at 03:51 PM
  #26
 
Dear T, Iím sorry I overreacted and felt so mad at you, Iím glad I didnít show you my over reaction. Thank you for responding (eventually) I just thought you werenít going to. I canít express the relief that came when you did. Good job I waited and didnít lash out at you or send a follow up message. Itís crazy the smallest things you do can send me crazy feeling abandoned, humiliated and rejected and it hurts so bad. But I guess thatís you showing me the trauma I need to heal. I still love you.
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Old Mar 20, 2023 at 05:55 PM
  #27
 
Dear T,
I"m glad you said it would be OK to sit on the couch again if I wanted. I had been afraid to ask, but in discussing the ottoman, it seemed like a good opportunity to do so in a low-stakes moment. Maybe I'll try that the next time and see what it feels like. I mean, I can always go back to the chair!


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Old Yesterday at 02:06 AM
  #28
 
You are not going to like the dream I had. It was a lucid dream, I knew I dreamt, and I made the worst decisions simply because I knew it was just a dream. Not sure what that says about the progress I've been making in regards to "that thing". Probably that it's not going very deep.

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Old Yesterday at 06:21 AM
  #29
 
That should have been.... Someone who can work more creatively, and someone who can work more consistently. Annoyingly, I had been feeling like maybe there was a possibility of continuing this work with you, until we did the diary check at the end. A holiday in April and again in May? And one session in 6 weeks due to our combined holidays and my work, that's not good. Or is it? I know it's not your 'fault', but you didn't need to point it out. I would have rathered you ask how that made me feel. You sounded surprised that I took my blanket, at the end. I told you, I need to decide whether or not I come back, and if I have no intention of returning, then I don't want my stuff left with you, do I. I don't know. I must say this is all a bit too much for me. I don't think that you can help me. I think that you are just as lost and confused as I am, and that makes me sad.
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Old Yesterday at 08:26 AM
  #30
 
And btw 5 gramm of lexapro? I'd probably die!

You are a brilliant therapist, but lol

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Old Yesterday at 10:19 AM
  #31
 
Thanks for replying to my text.
I felt sharing that news warranted it.
Looking forward to seeing you in a couple of days.


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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Old Yesterday at 10:25 AM
  #32
 
I guess I tell you about the small fries from Mcdonalds I ate last night and not the apple cider vinegar drinks I've been drinking and all the diet bars I've been eating or the bone broth I have on my shopping list. Or is that just manipulation? Maybe I'd have more trust in therapists if they didn' passivly aggresivly threaten to terminate me when I tell them this stuff.

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Old Yesterday at 12:26 PM
  #33
 
I'm so very ready for Friday. I have so much to talk about. Wish for more time.
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Old Yesterday at 12:44 PM
  #34
 
Damn... I stupidly looked forward to this session for a week and I feel so let down. It didn't help that we had technial issues on both sides, that kind of ruined the flow a bit. But I think you could sense that I didn't feel ok with how the session went.

There weren't any interruptions, but I didn't feel like you were really present with me, as though your mind was somewhere else. I was conscious of H being in the next room for a while and that definitely didn't help.

The disconnect I am feeling with the wider world seems to be seeping into our therapy sessions as well, and I really need that not to happen, as it's the one 'safe-ish' place I have in my life.

Now I have to sit with these feelings for another week. I know you wouldn't mind me emailing you about it in-between, but I have always tried not to contact you between sessions. In my head I am more reliant on you/our relationship than I would ever admit, but in real life I don't come across like that, and I don't believe you are aware of it. That's the way it's going to stay if I can possibly help it.

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Old Yesterday at 12:52 PM
  #35
 
I wish I'd listened to my gut a year ago. I knew in my heart that yours wasn't the right environment for me.
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Old Yesterday at 04:01 PM
  #36
 
This isn't really for you, T, but I've nowhere else to vent this. Why are therapists so bad at getting back to people. I've contacted 8 over the last two days and only 3 have replied. Two of those to say they have no availability. One to ask me more questions, which I answered right away, yet 24 hours later, still nothing. Is it too much to think 'you' might get back to someone who is clearly reaching out for help? I'm struggling here and it would be really nice if I wasn't just left hanging. I understand you are all busy, and some may be away, but I personally think that's quite a low response rate 😓
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Old Yesterday at 04:04 PM
  #37
 
Ps, on top of the mouth ulcers and fatigue, I now have a banging headache. I so rarely get headaches. Stress is really not good for you.
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Old Yesterday at 05:23 PM
  #38
 
Kinda funny how you had to put your toddler back in his room because he escaped in the middle of our session. But why did you have him in his room anyways? Unless he was supposed to be taking a nap or something.

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Old Yesterday at 05:34 PM
  #39
 
Being able to ask for support entails finding the words.
Finding the words takes energy that I'm struggling to spare.
The team that now presents what I will always consider Steve's podcast recently put out an episode on getting the rest you need.

Every time I think about listening to it I find myself thinking 'He should still ****ing be here.'

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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Old Yesterday at 05:56 PM
  #40
 
E: I'm glad I get to see you tomorrow, and since the intense anxiety of going back to work has been pushed off another week, maybe we can actually focus on something else.
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