Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

Good luck-I hope it goes well. Braving hostility with a smile is something I applaud. I would be tempted to throw in a fiddle dee dee and fan snap on the exit. Tomorrow is another day.

I also like the line from Witness - "you be careful out there among them English"

dang it all to heck. i'm struggling again with the whole "it's not a competition" thing (trigger for weight talk) I know all of this in my logical brain but Immature 15-year old Artie on the inside, is screaming it's not fair!! and stomping around. I'm gonna go take little miss 15 for a walk while I'm on lunch.

I hope it goes well, @@.

Men often lose weight faster than women.
https://www.prevention.com/weight-lo...er-than-women/

Weight Loss and Gender: Do Men Lose Weight Fastser?

Yes, that does sound marvelous!

My T texted and said that she double booked our session for tomorrow and could I change to 2 o'clock?

Yes, I can change. But no, I haven't told her yet. I feel miffed. Like not good enough. Like oh, I'll just switch Kit, she doesn't matter. Of course, it's possible the other person was booked at that time first. So of course, they should get to keep it. But I still feel undeniably and absurdly annoyed.

I'm sorry, Kit. That sucks.

I'm glad you can adjust, though.

HUGS

hugs, Kit. I'm so sorry. I'm sure there's also an element in there of "Oh no, not again, not another flaky t". You do matter though, Kit. And it hopefully is just that she just made an honest, human mistake that won't happen again at least not very soon and that it's like you said, the other person was booked first.

Thanks Lost and Artie.

I said

Hi T.

Yes, I can do 2 PM, even though it isn't my preference, because I "see you" on my lunch break and that means taking lunch quite late. I eat quickly before I log in. I admit though that the double booking left me feeling like, I don't matter to you, and absurdly annoyed. However, if the other client was booked first, of course they should have the time. And, obviously you are human, and mistakes happen from time to time, and it the grand scheme of things it is not a huge deal as you were able to provide space for me on the same day even. So I will see you tomorrow at 2 PM. I hope you enjoy the first day of Spring.

Kit

T responded:

I just had a cancelation for the 12 pm slot, so would you prefer that?

I'm sorry you felt annoyed or slighted in some way. That was not my intent.

I replied

Yes, 12 would be better. Thank you for offering it to me. See you tomorrow.

T said:

You're welcome.

I am proud of me for telling her how I felt because I didn't do that with my last t. And look how things turned out there!

Kit - T double booked my very first session with her. This was right after ex-T abandoned me. I cried and called some people up telling them I didn't want to see her. They convinced me to see her, and I'm glad I did. She did double book me 2 other times and asked me to change my appointment. It hurt each time. But I was upfront and honest and we worked through it. I'm glad your T was better able to accommodate you.

Artie - Like SD said: men lose weight faster than women. Also, muscle weights more than fat. Try not to compare yourself. My H weights 15lbs less than me. He doesn't brag, but it does bother me because I have this idea that women should weight less than men. Not necessarily true. I just try to stay focused on being healthy and making good choices.

Kit, I'm sorry she double-booked, and I'm glad she was able to get you in at a time that works for you.

It's also possible that she might have contacted you both at the same time, and if the other got back to her first and said they could switch, she'd have let you keep it.

Dr. T has asked me if I could change my session before. He's never let on if he's double-booked me, but I know a couple times have been to accommodate another client, from something he said, which bothered me a bit. Then again, I do tend to have a flexible schedule. And it's usually been a case of "Are you able to switch to x time? If not, I can keep you where you are." There was once when I said I couldn't switch, and it was fine--he kept me in my original slot.

The way I see it now is, he's accommodated me a fair number of times, too, like asking for an earlier/extra session, for a different time slot/day than what I usually request, etc. So I figure that as long as it's not a case of him cancelling my session or moving it to a time that doesn't work for me at all (like if I had to pick up D or had a conflicting appointment/meeting), then I'm OK with it.

The one time I was really hurt by something like that was with ex-T. She only worked 3 days a week and didn't give clients set slots; we just scheduled for the next week at the end of each session. One time, when I saw her on a Wednesday (the last day of her work week), she said she'd forgotten to leave me a slot for the following week, so she couldn't see me. Which really hurt. I think she said she'd let me know if there was a cancellation (I forget whether there was one). But to be just completely forgotten about... I think I'd been seeing her a year at that point, or at least 6 months.

So I get it. But try to keep in mind that she was still able to get you in. And hopefully she'll be extra careful so that it doesn't happen again.

Thanks LT.

Yeah, this T doesn't seem to have set appointments either, which kind of bugs me and I have been thinking about asking her if I can have a set day/time. We have pretty much been able to do Tuesdays except for the first week when I saw her on Monday and Wednesday. We just set up the next appointment at the end of the current appointment. Ex T was like that for a while but eventually she got me on a schedule so I wonder if that is how it will be with this T.

I would have been hurt if I had been forgotten completely like you were with ex-T! That would have really stung.

She didn't exactly apologize. She said, "I'm sorry you felt x and y" instead of saying, "I'm sorry I made a mistake that is inconveniencing you." So it almost feels like a fake apology. BUT... I know that I am being super sensitive right now to EVERYTHING. So I am trying to give her grace. At least I don't feel anxious about my session with her tomorrow. That's a first. It will be our sixth session so IDK if that is helping me not feel anxious or what. Although it is not tomorrow yet, so who knows what tomorrow will bring.

In all my years of therapy I have actually never been double-booked. So this is a totally different experience for me. And to be the one not chosen, kind of stings. But I'm a new client. And maybe she has been seeing the other one longer. And maybe she scheduled with them first. I don't know. I will probably never know. I'm not going to make any more deal about it, at least not with her. Unless she brings it up tomorrow, but I kind of doubt that.

I think it is just feeding in to this whole feeling that I have lately that no one cares about me. I think people are getting sick of me being sick and not getting better and are getting tired of helping me. I'm not saying New T is. But just like friends and stuff. So I definitely feel myself pulling back some. Which is unfortunate because it deprives me of getting care. I don't know. Maybe I will talk about that tomorrow. Or maybe not.

Thanks for your insights! HUGS Kit

Hugs, Kit I'm glad she was able to get you an earlier time and on the same day.
And I hope it is a helpful session.

Hugs, Kit. I think it would be worthwhile asking if you can have a set time, especially considering you have a regular work schedule. Dr. T doesn't set regular times, but he said he generally holds slots open at 12 or 1 for me on my usual days, as those are my preferred times. Which I appreciate. But I think he really only started doing that after I'd been seeing him for a bit.

If she won't do a set time, another thing you could ask is whether you can schedule multiple sessions ahead, so maybe you'd know you'd have, say, the next 3 Tuesdays at noon, then keep scheduling a few weeks ahead. I hope you're able to work something out! and also that your session goes well tomorrow.

I did my good deed for the day. We got a big packet from the Drexel Admissions Office (so I'm thinking maybe acceptance package?) misdelivered to our house today. It was from a house about a mile away (they really messed up!--same street number, but the only thing in common with the street name was the first letter, and the recipient was of course totally different), so I decided to drive it over there. Thankfully, they had a mailbox, so I just left it in there. Maybe it's just an info packet, but if it's an acceptance, I'd think the person would be waiting on it!

Great job, LT!

sui trigger


I have the first initial assessment tomorrow at 4 PM.

I hope you're approved for the study, Kit! It's good you're trying to help them understand. Do they provide anything else for you during the study, like therapy or other supports?

No, I don't think so. They do test your cortisol levels via some sort of salvia test. I don't know what that is for. It basically seems like questionnaires, games, and interviews with psychiatrists and research staff. Just a way to help humanity, is how I see it.