Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

ScarletPimpernel · Apr 28, 2023 at 07:34 PM

I sometimes really hate it when L has a different perspective of a situation than I have had my whole life. For example: I had a happy memory with my dad. Her perspective is that she felt sad for me because a child deserves more than the scraps my parents gave me.

This week she disgusted me with saying something about

Possible trigger:

how my mom got physical pleasure from me.

Or there's another topic that I wish I could blame my parents for, but her perspective is that it wasn't their fault. She does have compassion and understanding for me, but still my fault. It can be frustrating and hurtful when our perspectives differ. Not necessarily wrong, though.

atisketatasket · Apr 28, 2023 at 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

I couldn't read the article because it's behind a paywall so this might have been discussed, but what about those feelings which are unkind towards others and are typically understood to make one an unpleasant person?

It seems like there are "acceptable" negative feelings (especially the kind where we judge ourselves and beat up ourselves) which we encourage people to feel and accept in order that they don't get repressed and start to rot in ourselves. But then there are those distasteful negative feelings which it doesn't seem so acceptable to encourage.

For example, I feel a considerable amount of hostility, disgust and judgement towards others. Feeling positive or even neutral about that way of feeling doesn't naturally seem like something to encourage - for myself or for society generally. I see it as a problem which I am trying to regulate. How does this fit? That my feelings of disgust etc are cover feelings and that the underlying feelings (such as fear or vulnerability) are the ones to accept? But then I am accepting some feelings but not others. Or is regulation a kind of neutrality?

Rhetorical questions in part, but I find these kinds of things confusing and how to navigate the concepts (nevermind the feelings) doesn't seem obvious to me.

I guess I think what makes one an unpleasant person is acting on negative feelings or the way one acts on them. Not the having of the feelings.

Like, I can be very judgmental, and when I’m feeling like that, I try not to say or do anything judgmental except maybe in a vent to a close friend who will get it and not hold it against me.

ElectricManatee · Apr 28, 2023 at 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

I couldn't read the article because it's behind a paywall so this might have been discussed, but what about those feelings which are unkind towards others and are typically understood to make one an unpleasant person?

It seems like there are "acceptable" negative feelings (especially the kind where we judge ourselves and beat up ourselves) which we encourage people to feel and accept in order that they don't get repressed and start to rot in ourselves. But then there are those distasteful negative feelings which it doesn't seem so acceptable to encourage.

For example, I feel a considerable amount of hostility, disgust and judgement towards others. Feeling positive or even neutral about that way of feeling doesn't naturally seem like something to encourage - for myself or for society generally. I see it as a problem which I am trying to regulate. How does this fit? That my feelings of disgust etc are cover feelings and that the underlying feelings (such as fear or vulnerability) are the ones to accept? But then I am accepting some feelings but not others. Or is regulation a kind of neutrality?

Rhetorical questions in part, but I find these kinds of things confusing and how to navigate the concepts (nevermind the feelings) doesn't seem obvious to me.

Feelings are just feelings until you act on them. They don't hurt anybody or make you an unpleasant person by themselves. There's a bit in the article that says:

Dr. Shallcross suggested approaching the feeling with curiosity and “using your body and your experience as a laboratory: ‘What’s here?’”

That's the neutrality part for me. You notice your hostility or your disgust and then wonder where it comes from. That might point you to a root cause (the fear or vulnerability or whatever) that you can work through. Eventually you might even come to appreciate the hostility because it's an indicator that something is coming up for you that haven't quite noticed or dealt with yet. ("Wow, I am filled with rage at this person for no discernable reason. I wondering what's bothering me right now?") When you get a handle on accepting the deeper stuff, the surface reactions and feelings will probably fade on their own. (Or at least that's the idea, I think.)

ArtieTheSequal · Apr 30, 2023 at 09:20 PM

Well, that's a wrap on another National Poetry Writing Month! My 2nd year successfully completing the 30 poems in 30 days challenge. Doing so brought me joy this year. Now it's time to focus on the Writing your way home course... I haven't posted too much on there yet but am ready to get caught up.

Hugs and head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

velcro003 · Apr 30, 2023 at 11:44 PM

my life is dark drama series, that in no way I will get out of hell, unless a miracle happens. That my employer doesn’t contest it, and I will be approved for some income. and when this lovely start of unemployment begin? I didn’t think to ask how long it takes them. But I did ask how often do get denials denied, and says it happens a lot. My employer said they won’t contest it. But now i’ve added more panic to my life. The biggest thing was putting down a resignation is worse than just got fired. I didn’t know! where do people learn to do all of this stuff!

So now I am worried that they think I tried to hoodwink them by making them give me the rights to get unemployments. ugh so that is now added on this very long silver rope choking me, slowly and surely.

velcro003 · Apr 30, 2023 at 11:45 PM

also- GO ARTIE, ITS A PARTY * bass music pounding down a beat. lol

sorry i currently am medicated.

LonesomeTonight · May 01, 2023 at 06:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

my life is dark drama series, that in no way I will get out of hell, unless a miracle happens. That my employer doesn’t contest it, and I will be approved for some income. and when this lovely start of unemployment begin? I didn’t think to ask how long it takes them. But I did ask how often do get denials denied, and says it happens a lot. My employer said they won’t contest it. But now i’ve added more panic to my life. The biggest thing was putting down a resignation is worse than just got fired. I didn’t know! where do people learn to do all of this stuff!

So now I am worried that they think I tried to hoodwink them by making them give me the rights to get unemployments. ugh so that is now added on this very long silver rope choking me, slowly and surely.

Hugs, Velcro. I hope you don't get denied unemployment. You could contact the unemployment office and ask how long a decision usually takes, though I imagine it can vary.

LonesomeTonight · May 01, 2023 at 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I sometimes really hate it when L has a different perspective of a situation than I have had my whole life. For example: I had a happy memory with my dad. Her perspective is that she felt sad for me because a child deserves more than the scraps my parents gave me.

This week she disgusted me with saying something about

Possible trigger:

how my mom got physical pleasure from me.

Or there's another topic that I wish I could blame my parents for, but her perspective is that it wasn't their fault. She does have compassion and understanding for me, but still my fault. It can be frustrating and hurtful when our perspectives differ. Not necessarily wrong, though.

Hugs, Scarlet. I've had conflicts with Dr. T over similar things. Where he's said my mom has anxiety, too, so I should l should try to look at her with compassion. And ultimately forgive her. Which felt like I should go directly from blaming myself for some things to forgiving her, without other steps in between. So I get it. It feels like the T is taking their "side" instead of ours.

LostOnTheTrail · May 01, 2023 at 09:57 AM

Is it weird that I'm already planning how I want to decompress after getting home from work tomorrow?

LonesomeTonight · May 01, 2023 at 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Is it weird that I'm already planning how I want to decompress after getting home from work tomorrow?

I don't think it's weird--in fact, I think it's smart. Hugs, if wanted.

unaluna · 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Is it weird that I'm already planning how I want to decompress after getting home from work tomorrow?

I need to do more of that.

Just picked up my meds, in a big ol' white Lincoln. I love LYFT. Anyway, set for meds for a while. Except for insulin, which is about monthly and i cant get it delivered.

Finally took my first shower since my eye surgery two weeks ago. You know i would not be able to follow instructions of "dont let water splash your face from the front". I had a detached retina. Pretty much better now, about halfway thru convalescence. Vision that isnt still blocked by reparative stuff is much like the other eye, which is to say still legally blind if it werent correctible. SNAFU! The eye was toeing out a bit when i was putting the prescribed eyedrops in it, but when i look at myself in the mirror, it looks fine. It USED to toe in, so no complaints here. This all sprang up like 3 weeks ago, i saw the eye dr wednesday and got operated on the next day. He was very cute and im in love again, but of course you probably already figured that out!

LostOnTheTrail · May 01, 2023 at 03:41 PM

Thanks, LT.

Hugs are appreciated.
I'm hoping that R might send me an update tomorrow to let me know about Thursday.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Una.
I'm squeamish anyway, but eye surgery sounds particularly horrific.

unaluna · May 01, 2023 at 04:39 PM

Thanks, LOTT. Yeah, the best part was the anaesthesia! Havent slept that well since i dont know when.

LonesomeTonight · May 01, 2023 at 05:18 PM

That's scary about the detached retina, Una! Hope your recovery continues to go well.

FooZe · May 01, 2023 at 09:15 PM

Since there's a new Couch thread here already (Winchester Cathedral apparently just stood and watched)...
Couch 244: Great Expectations
... I'm going to go ahead and close this one early.

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Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,219 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,754 hugs given	Apr 30, 2023 at 09:20 PM #784 Well, that's a wrap on another National Poetry Writing Month! My 2nd year successfully completing the 30 poems in 30 days challenge. Doing so brought me joy this year. Now it's time to focus on the Writing your way home course... I haven't posted too much on there yet but am ready to get caught up. Hugs and head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Apr 30, 2023 at 11:45 PM #786 also- GO ARTIE, ITS A PARTY * bass music pounding down a beat. lol sorry i currently am medicated.

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,835 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.3k hugs given	May 01, 2023 at 04:39 PM #793 Thanks, LOTT. Yeah, the best part was the anaesthesia! Havent slept that well since i dont know when.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,731 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	May 01, 2023 at 05:18 PM #794 That's scary about the detached retina, Una! Hope your recovery continues to go well.

FooZe Administrator Community Support Team Member Since Apr 2009 Location: west coast, USA Posts: 26,003 (SuperPoster!) 14 5,090 hugs given	May 01, 2023 at 09:15 PM #795 Since there's a new Couch thread here already (Winchester Cathedral apparently just stood and watched)... Couch 244: Great Expectations ... I'm going to go ahead and close this one early.