Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

You probably don't feel this way, but I think it's great that you're seeing the pattern. Stuff often keeps coming up over and over for people until they figure out how to resolve it (how to meet the need or manage the anxiety it causes or whatever). You are comfortable enough with him that the real core issues are coming to the forefront, and the forefront is exactly the place where you can work on them. Do you think Fin is positioned to help you explore this safely and productively? It could be really healing. And FYI, there is nothing wrong with romantic or sexual feelings. They're just feelings like any other.

Thank you for the reply EM. I have also missed seeing you around.

Yes I do think he would be gentle and careful with it. He is also highly perceptive, so I wouldn't be surprised if he might already know. This relationship overall feels a lot healthier and more secure. There have been no ruptures or large ups and downs- just a lot of consistency and care.

(No dramas about emails either!!)

Lemon - Switching to another therapist, even female, might not help with romantic feelings towards your T. I am straight and so is L. I've had sexual fantasies about her, and am extremely jealous of her H. I want that intimacy and time with her! I've told her this and she welcomes it. She never makes me feel ashamed or bad for any of my feelings. We just work through them when they come up.

It might be beneficial to try to work through these thoughts and feelings you're having towards your T. Maybe this will be a safe place to explore your sexuality whoch is why these feelings are coming out?

Hi Lemon-Thank you for your concern! I eventually fell asleep anyway. I went to the ortho doc today, and he told me the next step is surgery. I need to get an MRI done, and follow up on three weeks. He put me on his schedule for the surgery (in may) but I can cancel.

It is 4 weeks off my feet, then a boot. I have no more FMLA left. I also can’t go another month with no income, even if that’s possible.

I asked if they can prescribe anything for the pain, but he said no. I guess I just suffer.

Thank you for your input and for sharing Scarlet.

What's been going for me in the background is that I've been getting a lot of male attention, more so then I'm used to without even trying. I was asked out, but turned that person down without having a real reason. I spoke to him about why I had said "no" only this week when we were alone and walking together. We did also randomly spot each other at the shopping centre too on thursday and we walked around buying sun cream. I know I could easily date him, but I don't want to hurt him when I don't even know what I want.

Hugs, Lemoncake.

I'm back from the dermatologist and running a couple of errands. All is well with the spot on my arm, he said it's nothing dangerous and should never turn into anything dangerous so that made me feel relieved. I also had him look at my heels because they are so extremely dry and cracked that it hurts to walk on them sometimes; he said it's a form of eczema and prescribed a cream that he said should help clear it up in 6 weeks. Huh, well I guess that's why regular lotion isn't helping.

Gold flakes for the old therapy mill.

Exactly.

I'll be bringing a pan full of those flakes for the mill with me this afternoon... one of those is that my 5 typed pages of writing from this past week is very generously peppered with F-bombs. And my writing today is "why so many F-bombs, Artie?!" I don't have the answer, yet.

So so so so so depressed lately. I don't know how I can keep going on. I feel like I am dragging myself along the sidewalk with my fingernails, barely inching forward. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel because the tunnel is apparently under the water and is never going to end. My pdoc is booked. My GP just says call your pdoc. I've texted my T every single day this week. (Yeah, that feels pathetic, I know). Really no clue how to keep going. I've given up on the DBT books for now because I have no focus for them. I'm not suicidal. I'm just seriously depressed. It is so difficult.

I'm happy to hear this art.

Do you also wear socks or mainly sandals in Arizona?

So glad the spot was nothing of concern!

Hugs, Kit. I hope you can start to feel better. Could some sort of more intensive program help?

Hugs, Lemon. This seems like good stuff to talk about with your current T, Fin. Ir sounds like he could help you with this.

I’m currently drafting the running away message I am going to send him.



Perhaps I won’t send it. I have all WhatsApp notifications turned off so I never get the pings at the top of my screen. He might not have done that though and it’s already 8.45pm here. So I wouldn’t want to send it late at night, but would wait until early Monday morning to send it.

No good for a Tuesday session- I’ve already paid for.

Hope it's going/went well, Artie!

I also shared some writing with Dr. T today. I'm taking this online memoir course and turned in my first assignment. It was supposed to be about a "first." Because I know the topic of my memoir I ended up writing about when I first met Dr. T. I gave him a slightly edited version to read in session today (left a couple things out).

I was anxious about it, but it led to an interesting discussion about where I was at the start of therapy with him vs. now, like he mentioned some positive changes he's seen in me (that I agree with).

He also said that he thinks writing is an important creative outlet for me and that it can give me a sense of purpose. When I left, he thanked me for sharing my writing with him. As I was walking out the door, he said, "Keep writing!"

I'm supposed to get feedback from the instructor early next week--nervous! I realized it's the first time in a very long time that I've submitted any sort of writing to anyone for critique, particularly for something this personal (I used to write newspaper articles and columns eons ago)

Maybe. I did that in 2021-2022 and it was exhausting. I don't know if it really made me function better. The option I haven't tried is residential but I don't know how I would manage to pay for that and pay my bills while not working.

Thanks for the hugs!

After my brother had his reaction to the Pfizer dose he was in crazy amounts of pain too.

We tried everything. I bought him CBD drinks. He had lots of meat and omega 3,6 +9 vitamins. He was taking tumeric in milk. I did massages for him with hot stones I got from Amazon. The massage bar was Lush’s Wiccy Magic with peppermint oil. We also did hot bath soaks with Epsom salts. My grandfather had a heated massage foot machine which he used. Perhaps you could hire a TENs machine?

Are you eligible for any state/ government benefits if you are too sick to work?

Kit can you take some time off work and just rest?

Could you do more more sessions with your T?