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AnaWhitney
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Default May 06, 2023 at 03:58 PM
  #1
What happens after you ‘get to the root’ of your issues in therapy ? My T says sometimes that I’m close to getting to the root of things and I’m not 100% sure what that even is.
There are a couple of painful things I could discuss that I’ve been avoiding, one of them I’ve tried to do the work on several times and then bottle it up again because of the guilt that comes up. I feel I’m close but can’t help wondering if that’s ‘the root’ and if it is what happens after that? Will I be expected to just talk about it then that’s it, I’m done ?

I have got quite attached to my T (which is unlike me) and because of her Ive been able to push myself and get through some of my discomfort in ways I could never do with other Ts. So although our relationship is good, I am in such pain already in between sessions but know I’ll never be able to admit it even to her.

So when clients finally talk about the ‘the root’ cause of some of their problems,, where do the sessions go next? Or is that it? I feel a push to do it and I want to trust that she will have a plan, but I’m afraid we’ll just be done because the process will be over once we’ve figured it out and I’ll be on my own again because the job is done and I won’t be able to say how much I have relied on her to get to that point.

So what tends to happen after the deep stuff comes out? Is that seen as the final stage of therapy? Like the puzzle is solved so I should now be able to go off and be a positive human.
I hate that I need her but I do. I feel such a push to do the work and I don’t want to fall into the trap of resisting just to drag this thing out either.

Can anyone that has any experience let me know if there’s usually more to the process or am I correct that its over once I bleed my heart out everywhere.
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Default May 06, 2023 at 04:37 PM
  #2
I know the "root" of my most my issues: being neglected and then abandoned by emotionally handicapped parents. I still have a ton of work to do in therapy. I'm just now connecting some of the dots as to why certain things happened (indirectly and directly due to the root issue). I'm also learning how to see things from different perspectives, how to cope, to reveal all my parts and their traumas, practice circle living and use wise mind, etc. Plus there are daily issues that come up as just a natural part of life, and there's always building the therapeutic relationship. You can be done whenever you want to be done. You can choose a different treatment or therapist. And you shouldn't have to "bleed out everywhere"! Take things at your pace. Open the wound as slowly or as fast as you feel comfortable with. Therapy is hard and can hurt, AND you don't need to sacrifice your stability for it.

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Default May 07, 2023 at 06:12 AM
  #3
I'm not sure I've ever reached the root. More like whack a mole and still is. Resilience to the moles? Maybe. But to put it in such a concrete way was more fantasy for me. If only we unrolled a scribe and ticked off the list until the final item.

Never worked like that for me.
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Default May 07, 2023 at 08:29 AM
  #4
Hmm. I liken getting to the root of my problems as the climax of a plot line. The protagonist (me) of the story reaches a moment of awareness or understanding. There is still falling action and resolution. What happens after that moment of understanding? Lots of choices, decisions, changes, work (whatever it may be) has to fall into place to reach the ending.

For me, while I understood what had happened and what I needed to do, it still took time to reach the place where I could independently and consistently do what I needed to do on my own, without my therapist’s support. I did get there though, and once I did, it felt very natural and not at all overwhelming to discontinue therapy. I found that I was going into sessions just recapping what I had already successfully handled before I got there. A few sessions like that and I knew I was okay on my own. It was an interesting point of true autonomy (which was exactly where my therapist had said he hoped for me.) Very freeing.
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Default May 08, 2023 at 02:06 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
I know the "root" of my most my issues: being neglected and then abandoned by emotionally handicapped parents. I still have a ton of work to do in therapy. I'm just now connecting some of the dots as to why certain things happened (indirectly and directly due to the root issue). I'm also learning how to see things from different perspectives, how to cope, to reveal all my parts and their traumas, practice circle living and use wise mind, etc. Plus there are daily issues that come up as just a natural part of life, and there's always building the therapeutic relationship. You can be done whenever you want to be done. You can choose a different treatment or therapist. And you shouldn't have to "bleed out everywhere"! Take things at your pace. Open the wound as slowly or as fast as you feel comfortable with. Therapy is hard and can hurt, AND you don't need to sacrifice your stability for it.
Thank you, can I ask how long it’s been since you found the root? I just like to know what happens next, I’ve never got this far before 🙈
That’s good to see someone’s else’s perspective that you don’t have to bleed out everywhere, I suppose for me it’s so hard to bring things up and I can only do it if I can bring it up in a logical sort or way, so I feel like I have to get it all out at once or else I’ll just be skimming the top and the rest will stay buried forever because I won’t be able to bring it up again because it won’t be relevant or important. I guess I have an all or nothing mentality about it and I definitely have sacrificed my stability by blurting out stuff before.
Therapy is hard alright! If I didn’t like my T I’d be long gone
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Default May 08, 2023 at 02:19 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
Hmm. I liken getting to the root of my problems as the climax of a plot line. The protagonist (me) of the story reaches a moment of awareness or understanding. There is still falling action and resolution. What happens after that moment of understanding? Lots of choices, decisions, changes, work (whatever it may be) has to fall into place to reach the ending.

For me, while I understood what had happened and what I needed to do, it still took time to reach the place where I could independently and consistently do what I needed to do on my own, without my therapist’s support. I did get there though, and once I did, it felt very natural and not at all overwhelming to discontinue therapy. I found that I was going into sessions just recapping what I had already successfully handled before I got there. A few sessions like that and I knew I was okay on my own. It was an interesting point of true autonomy (which was exactly where my therapist had said he hoped for me.) Very freeing.
Great answer, thank you!! Hopefully I will get there too. For now the idea is scary
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Default May 08, 2023 at 02:25 PM
  #7
Well, I always knew my parents were an issue, but I never understood how things connected to it. What I thought was normal, wasn't. What I thought was minor, also wasn't. And the things I've done or had done to me, there was a reason for it. Issues with my mother were a no brainer. But my dad... he was my only real parent, but again, I thought what I did receive from him was a lot, when it wasn't. It was enough to get me through childhood, but I deserved more. I think the real A-ha's have come from understanding each part of myself and going through the different traumas in my life. So I guess I identified the root within the last 4 years with my current therapist.

I'm also kind of all or nothing when it comes to opening up. I get this urge in me, and I "rip off the bandaid" and put it all out there. L says I'm just listening to my wise-mind and it knows when it's ready to deal with something. It's scary and hurts AND I have found it to be the most healing for me. I wouldn't recommend it to others unless they feel it's right for them. For me, it feels right.

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Default May 08, 2023 at 04:04 PM
  #8
This is great, thank you so much for sharing! Can’t tell you how helpful it is to me when people share ❤️❤️
I don’t think I want to go all or nothing because it feels right, I think it comes from a fear of what I say being dismissed as unimportant and not getting a chance to go there fully and then having to continue to hold onto it forever. That doesn’t make much sense when I type it out 🙈
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Default May 08, 2023 at 04:17 PM
  #9
Oh it does absolutely make sense! To me anyway... I totally get the fear of having something I've said being dismissed as unimportant or irrelevant, and just being stuck and having nowhere to go with it. It has happened before and it just caused me to shut down. Not what you want to happen in therapy. When your self esteem is at rock bottom and you feel invisible anyway, the last thing you need is for a T to make what you've told them seem trivial.

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Default May 09, 2023 at 05:07 PM
  #10
Exactly!! I can’t recover fast from shut down. And I just have to wait for it to be relevant another time. So I want to give all the info to avoid that and potentially end up a bit crazy from oversharing.
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Default Jun 11, 2023 at 08:59 PM
  #11
My T and I both know the root of my problems…severe CSA/torture. It doesn’t mean therapy is over! In fact, it’s far from over. I will be in therapy for the rest of my life (which is a different issue due to my complicated health situation). We work on the trauma a very little bit each session…and I mean a little…no more than 5-10 minutes so I don’t get overwhelmed. No bleeding out everywhere! You set the pace. Go as slow as you need to. It’s not dragging things out, it’s taking care of your needs!
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