Nervous about bringing up [trigger]

I have therapy this next week after taking a break for a long time. I’m not doing the best and I’m trying to figure out how exactly to go about talking about it.

Obviously, it’s gonna be awkward no matter what. I feel so weird about the idea of walking in an immediately bringing up my thoughts of suicide. I also am afraid of what my therapist might say and whether or not she will want me to seek hospitalization which I can’t afford. That would only make things worse I think since I have no health insurance. And then I wonder what my therapist could even do or say that would help. A big part of why I’m feeling this way is based on external circumstances which obviously can’t be changed by my therapist.

Do I go and talk about it just to get emotional support? I’m tempted to either cancel or go and not mention the thoughts.

Just to give an idea of where I am exactly, I have thoughts and a plan that I know would work. I’m just scared.

Go to your appointment. Share all your concerns Then make a safety plan no matter how preliminary it may seem. Follow the safety plan to the tee. I have been in that spot.

I'm really sorry that you're struggling, and I understand wanting to talk about the thoughts but also worrying about the consequences. I've talked about suicidal thoughts with a few therapists, and they have all been supportive and helpful without mandating or even suggesting hospitalization. There are very specific circumstances where somebody would be hospitalized involuntarily. So I can't promise that your therapist won't try to send you, but I can say that your thoughts sound distressing and that you deserve to have somebody on your side to help you deal with them and with those external circumstances.

I've had suicidal thoughts and have come out on the other side many times. I've come to realize that for me the thoughts are a maladaptive coping mechanism, a way to imagine a circumstance in which I can end the pain that I'm currently in. For me, that perspective helps make the thoughts make sense and feel less scary and threatening. You're seeking help from a therapist because you feel overwhelmed, which is an excellent impulse. The therapist can't change your circumstances, but maybe they can help you cope differently or at least make you feel less alone. Whatever you decide to say during your session, I help it gives you some relief and puts you on a path to feeling better overall.

It’s so hard but you are doing the right thing by going, don’t cancel the appointment. It is awkward, I totally get that but remember they will probably ask what brings you in if you’ve had a break, try and think of answering honestly as helping the therapist gather the right information and let it come out that way.
I won’t give advice on whether hospitalisation is likely as I wouldn’t have a clue, so will let others on here advise about that
Is it a therapist you’ve worked with before ?