Can’t get over exT

retro_chic · Jun 26, 2023 at 08:42 AM

Things ended terribly with my last T and I can’t seem to get over it. I have a new T now but I’m finding it impossible to completely open up and trust her due to past experiences. My ability to trust people in general and form meaningful relationships has been destroyed because of this. I feel permanently damaged.

I don’t know how to get closure. I wasn’t planning on ending things with exT and as a result we didn’t even go through a proper termination process. I wasn’t anticipating my last session with her to actually be my last session. I feel so much anger and hatred towards but I also still miss her and hope she’s okay. I’m not sure what the purpose of this was other than to vent. Just really struggling to cope with this.

Yaowen · Jun 26, 2023 at 11:05 AM

I can certainly identify with you. Our brains seem to have minds of their own sometimes, pushing and pulling us into places that don't make us happy. I wish I knew why that was. But unfortunately I don't.

The situation you are in is heartbreaking, but sadly I don't know how to help. I've often felt that my brain was in conflict with itself. Once I found myself mourning the loss of someone for 13 years. Part of me wanted one thing and part of me wanted another and the one part won out for 13 years.

Life is so mysterious and not always in a good way. My heart goes out to you. Deepest apologies for not knowing how to be helpful to you. Hopefully others here will have better words for you than my poor words. So very, very sorry you are struggling!

ECHOES · Jul 06, 2023 at 11:50 AM

So sorry this happened. I can relate. I don't have a new T yet but her first job is going to be to help me process and adjust to not having my T of 16 years.
Have you talked with your new T about everything that you wrote here?

Therapy reviewed · Jul 07, 2023 at 01:36 AM

Hi. My 20yr therapy ended 3 yrs with no ending too. Time helps is all I can advise.

East17 · Jul 12, 2023 at 11:56 AM

It's a terrible shock isn't it, when therapy ends so abruptly, especially if there was no indication that anything like that was about to happen. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It does damage our ability to trust again, particularly another T.

You haven't said what the reason was for your therapist ending things and of course you don't have to disclose it here, but I wonder if you would feel able to ask her for a closure session, or if not an actual session, just for her to give you a reason why, so you can work through it with new T?

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 12, 2023 at 12:29 PM

My ex-T ended things abruptly with me, too. What helped me was time, lots of crying and grieving, and processing it with T and then a little with L. It's been 8.5 years since she abandoned me. It was really difficult to trust anyone. For me, I had to give T some trust to work through it because processing it was the only way I was going to survive it. Thankfully, T was/is a good therapist and was able to hold my anger that sometimes came out at her. She even tried to get me closure with ex-T, but couldn't.

I have finally let go of the hope for closure from ex-T. Instead, I got my closure from T and L being good therapists, and processing it over and over again. They are my closure.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 12, 2023 at 12:44 PM

I wish therapists knew just how much damage they are capable of causing when they abandon a client. I guess I'm just a romantic like L would always say, but I just can't accept that people in a caring profession such as this would be able to be so callous if they truly knew.

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2023 at 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

I wish therapists knew just how much damage they are capable of causing when they abandon a client. I guess I'm just a romantic like L would always say, but I just can't accept that people in a caring profession such as this would be able to be so callous if they truly knew.

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ECHOES Legendary Member Since Aug 2007 Location: West of Tampa Bay, East of the Gulf of Mexico Posts: 14,352 (SuperPoster!) 16 1,020 hugs given	Jul 06, 2023 at 11:50 AM #3 So sorry this happened. I can relate. I don't have a new T yet but her first job is going to be to help me process and adjust to not having my T of 16 years. Have you talked with your new T about everything that you wrote here?
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Therapy reviewed Member Member Since Sep 2022 Location: Uk Posts: 114 1 1 hugs given	Jul 07, 2023 at 01:36 AM #4 Hi. My 20yr therapy ended 3 yrs with no ending too. Time helps is all I can advise.
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,775 hugs given	Jul 12, 2023 at 12:44 PM #7 I wish therapists knew just how much damage they are capable of causing when they abandon a client. I guess I'm just a romantic like L would always say, but I just can't accept that people in a caring profession such as this would be able to be so callous if they truly knew.
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