Couch 245: STELLA!

LonesomeTonight · Aug 29, 2023 at 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

My baby sister (she's 56) just announced that she is retiring in 12 weeks. I'm outwardly excited and happy for her, but on the inside I'm so dang jealous I want to cry. I hate that I will have to work until the day I die. I accept that it's my own damn fault for staying with h. I should have left him years ago and now I feel like it's too late to make a difference. **** I'm going down a negative spiral since my sister's announcement. Oh hell my break's over and I'm late logging back on. Oh well.

Hugs, Artie. It's so hard not to compare yourself to others. I figure I will probably always need to be working (in part because I don't know whether D will ever be able to be self-supporting), though I also have trouble imagining *not* working at all (if I still have the ability to do so). And I've had thoughts before that if I'd gone into another field, maybe I could have been making a lot more money. (Or if I'd stayed in this one federal job that had a brutal commute, but where I was making a lot more and had job security.)

Could you maybe try to focus that energy on trying to figure out a job that might feel more fulfilling? Or at least less energy-draining. If that's something you want.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 29, 2023 at 12:54 PM

eh, i'll be okay. i think it's more that i'm just kinda freakin' out about this surgery thing (again) because the gyno sent me a message saying I should be hearing from the scheduling peeps soon.

she said I'd go home the same day, and will probably feel pretty good the next day but will be tired from the anesthesia. hopefully they can do it on a friday morning and that will give me saturday to rest before i have to work on sunday. or, it will be really great if we're still slow at work and being offered unpaid time off - i'd do that for the sunday. unfortunately, it's usually a day by day thing they can't plan when it will be offered too far in advance.

LonesomeTonight · Aug 29, 2023 at 12:58 PM

If anyone sees pigs flying by or hell freezing over, it's because Dr. T said today that he's been realizing lately that things I'm talking about/saying to him aren't just about him and that he's taking them less personally. That he's realizing some things are about archetypes of what I'm looking for, rather than a particular person, such as him. That they're about "LT" rather than about "LT and Dr. T."

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 29, 2023 at 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs, Artie. It's so hard not to compare yourself to others. I figure I will probably always need to be working (in part because I don't know whether D will ever be able to be self-supporting), though I also have trouble imagining *not* working at all (if I still have the ability to do so).

Could you maybe try to focus that energy on trying to figure out a job that might feel more fulfilling? Or at least less energy-draining. If that's something you want.

Thanks, LT. i have thought about that. my friends who are full-time rv'ers both got jobs where they work remote from anywhere they can get internet; my current job requires a fixed internet connection so i couldn't be like full remote. I mean i would seriously do that - travel as much as h wants if I could just work online from anywhere I can get internet. my friends have a satellite setup thingy. i dunno. i feel like any remote job i could get would not pay as much as i make now and i would be starting over as far as vacation time. i need to figure out what i want out of the rest of my life.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 29, 2023 at 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

If anyone sees pigs flying by or hell freezing over, it's because Dr. T said today that he's been realizing lately that things I'm talking about/saying to him aren't just about him and that he's taking them less personally. That he's realizing some things are about archetypes of what I'm looking for, rather than a particular person, such as him. That they're about "LT" rather than about "LT and Dr. T."

Wow!! Maybe one of those flying pigs finally bopped him upside the head and knocked some sense into him!

LonesomeTonight · Aug 29, 2023 at 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Wow!! Maybe one of those flying pigs finally bopped him upside the head and knocked some sense into him!

Ha! That's funny! And I actually said to a friend a bit ago that maybe he either read a book on transference or got hit in the head.

I have noticed it though, that he seems to be understanding that certain things aren't fully or even mostly about him. It's made me feel more able to talk about some difficult topics that I would have found too risky before. And I feel that they're important things to discuss.

He also said that he thinks the love thing forced us into certain discussions. I said that of course I wish that had gone differently. But that maybe it was a breakthrough of sorts. He said it could be that talking about that big thing made it easier to talk about other, smaller things. (Or something like that.) And I agreed. Adding that it didn't mean I was glad he'd reacted the way he had! But that I could have chosen to leave and instead opted to process it and try to work through it.

Lemoncake · Aug 29, 2023 at 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Thanks, Lemon .Well most (not all) of the reasons do come back to the money thing, I suppose.

This is why I need to stop taking unpaid time off when it's offered... i need to be saving money. Just because I can afford to do it at the present moment, doesn't mean I need to be ignoring the need for saving for the future. I'm just aggravated with him today, scared about my health stuff, missing L, etc. I'll get over it.

You can send me a PM if you would prefer, but what is your current approx saving rate at the moment and what do you have now?

Make a full list of your outgoings and your current income.

In which areas could you save?

Are you using all your tax free options? We call them ISA's. Think it would be a Roth account for you guys.

If it's only you and your husband at home, might be controversial, but would you consider downsizing and moving to a lower cost state?

You need to make your money work for you. One way is through passive income and investing. You could just find a high interest account and lock the money away instead if you want something safer.

That's all I've got from the top of my head.

Have you read Animal farm? Boxer works himself harder than any of the other animals, but in the end the windmill is still not built. It only left him severely ill and utterly exhausted. Your health is worth more than money. Taking unpaid time off is still needed and vital- just needs to be balanced.

You'll get over it, but you don't have to do it alone.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 29, 2023 at 06:12 PM

I think I'm also coming to terms with the imminent loss of old cat (he's 18 now I think?). He sleeps pretty much all day, gets up for a little bit when I feed them in the evening, then goes outside (in the backyard) and sleeps out there until I bring him back in. He howls loudly at his water fountain at around 2-3 am every morning, then drinks, then goes back to his bed. That's his whole life now - sleep, drink, and eat. It makes me sad for him now, and sad for me in the future after he is no more. He's been part of our family for practically his whole life; we got him when he was just a wee kitten.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 30, 2023 at 04:35 PM

Had a 4-hour training class today at work, so it was an easy day. Meanwhile my freezer is broken, so we have a repair guy coming out tomorrow to work on it.

And, I can't believe it's almost September again!

unaluna · Aug 30, 2023 at 05:00 PM

I cant believe your old cat and i have almost exactly the same life!

atisketatasket · Aug 30, 2023 at 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I cant believe your old cat and i have almost exactly the same life!

Then maybe you can tell us what he’s howling at the water fountain?

unaluna · Aug 30, 2023 at 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Then maybe you can tell us what he’s howling at the water fountain?

"EARL GREY, HOT! MAKE IT SO!"

Cat has watched too many Star Trek TNG reruns and senilely thinks that he and Data got promoted to Captain.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 30, 2023 at 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Then maybe you can tell us what he’s howling at the water fountain?

i did google it and found an idea that they do it to discharge static electricity, but I'm not sure that's true, because Penny never does it and i've watched her approach and drink out of the same fountain without a peep. And he doesn't do it during the day. I do have a speculation that maybe he can't see very well at night anymore and howls because he's frustrated trying to find the right spot where the water comes out, since he doesn't do it any other time or place. I'm thinking about ordering a different kind of fountain for him, one that has the water coming out from a wider area instead of 4 little areas.

stopdog · Aug 30, 2023 at 07:01 PM

I am dealing with a client who think others should change for them - everything would be okay if the other person would just change and not be upsetting. I am the court appointed on the case. I am struggling not to tell client that others don't have to change to make client happy - but it would be futile- if client could do that then client would not be looking at a guardianship - I am supervising a student who is working the case.

stopdog · Aug 30, 2023 at 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

"EARL GREY, HOT! MAKE IT SO!"

Cat has watched too many Star Trek TNG reruns and senilely thinks that he and Data got promoted to Captain.

I don't like earl grey tea at all - I don't like bergamot.
My old cats have always gotten a sort of cat dementia where they go into rooms and scream until someone goes and finds them. Just part of the aging process I always thought.

unaluna · Aug 30, 2023 at 07:38 PM

Then you probably wont like my Stash Breakfast In Paris, black tea with bergamot, lavender, and vanilla. Makes me feel like Barbie.

stopdog · Aug 30, 2023 at 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Then you probably wont like my Stash Breakfast In Paris, black tea with bergamot, lavender, and vanilla. Makes me feel like Barbie.

The Horror

atisketatasket · Aug 30, 2023 at 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am dealing with a client who think others should change for them - everything would be okay if the other person would just change and not be upsetting. I am the court appointed on the case. I am struggling not to tell client that others don't have to change to make client happy - but it would be futile- if client could do that then client would not be looking at a guardianship - I am supervising a student who is working the case.

If more therapists would tell people that…well, I guess there would be more fired therapists. And your job would be easier.

atisketatasket · Aug 30, 2023 at 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Then you probably wont like my Stash Breakfast In Paris, black tea with bergamot, lavender, and vanilla. Makes me feel like Barbie.

Are you two planning a sleepover? *wiggles eyebrows*

stopdog · Aug 30, 2023 at 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Are you two planning a sleepover? *wiggles eyebrows*

Good lord.
Would that make me Ken?

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Couch 245: STELLA!

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,593 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,006 hugs given	Aug 30, 2023 at 04:35 PM #429 Had a 4-hour training class today at work, so it was an easy day. Meanwhile my freezer is broken, so we have a repair guy coming out tomorrow to work on it. And, I can't believe it's almost September again!

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,932 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.8k hugs given	Aug 30, 2023 at 05:00 PM #430 I cant believe your old cat and i have almost exactly the same life!

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,932 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.8k hugs given	Aug 30, 2023 at 07:38 PM #436 Then you probably wont like my Stash Breakfast In Paris, black tea with bergamot, lavender, and vanilla. Makes me feel like Barbie.