[rebelrose]

I'm thinking it's time to return to therapy and I want to go back to my former T.

After analyzing my actions, my initial decision to stop therapy over a year ago was triggered by my sense that T was pulling away from me. I'm super sensitive to that stuff which kicks in my hyper-independence. I reacted by quitting by email and then we later met for less than 5 minutes on Zoom and that was that. I could see he was hurt.

Mulling it over, I'm wondering if my sensing him pulling away was because I put too much pressure on him. He was my sole source of support for several years, and at the time I think he was dealing with some overwhelming stresses in his own life.

I think that is why he continued contact with me after therapy ended. He had to respect my decision, but he also knew I was not in a good place. It was his way of extending support.

I don't want to repeat the same situation, and I don't even know if he would be willing to take me on as a client again but I'm going to ask him anyway. The issue is I would still have no one other than T. I'm single. My parents are alive, but they are in their 70s and they worry so I don't like sharing too much with them. I have 1 friend, but she's dealing with her own health issues right now, along with the pending death of her father.

I find myself needing more than what I can get through a computer screen. I need to be able to at least make a call and hear someone's voice, or see people in person. I need face to face contact.

Is your T your sole source of support? If yes, are they okay with that? If not, beside online forums, who do you turn to when you need additional support? And how did you build that support system?

Do you have another "shoulder to cry on"?