Couch 245: STELLA!

In the middle of a week+ rupture with P and he's just left for vacation. Timing is always terrible on this things. Fun times.

Good luck, WFS!

Artie - I just did a quick google search and found this article. There might be better ones out there. Reasons Why You Should Start Judging People (2 Types of Judgement)

I was taught that judgments can be good, even necessary at times. It's something that all animals do. It's protective. Yes, it can turn unhealthy (i.e. prejudices, being overly critical), but judgment itself is not always bad. Think how babies or dogs know when they don't like someone even though they may have never met the person. Or you're walking down the street at night and you get scared when you see another person.

Also, your core-self is NOT your thoughts, feelings, or even actions. Your core-self affects these things, as well as outside stimuli.

You're not a bad person, Artie. I think you're a hurting person who is trying their best to navigate this messy world. You are okay, Artie. As L would say: perfectly imperfect.

I did it. I set up my schedule with G. Wednesdays at 2pm starting 11/8. L says to give myself permission to cancel whenever I want especially the first couple sessions. She said the first session I might not want because it's the day after my last session with her, and it might just be too soon. She said to listen to my nervous system and my wise-mind.

I think my biggest fear is what am I supposed to talk to him about? I'm not sure I want to talk with him about L. And there's nothing I really want to work on with him. L says I'll probably be guarded, shy, introverted with him. That I'll be more likely to freeze and close off. She said that's okay and if I need to, then honor those parts of me.

So what should G and I talk about? Any suggestions? What would you talk about with a support therapist who you'll only see for 15 sessions?

Hugs, NP--I'm sorry. It does seem like timing tends to be terrible on ruptures in my experience as well. When does he return? And will you be communicating with him at all while he's away?

Hugs, Scarlet. I think it's good that you went ahead and set up the sessions. For me, when Dr. T is away, it helps to know I have something already scheduled with backup T.

My sessions with R were more limited at each time, but I actually ended up talking about Dr. T quite a bit with her. Out of curiosity, is G going to share whatever you tell him with L? Or is he OK keeping some things between the two of you? Once I told R that I'd rather her not share (and she had to abide by that, as I rescinded the sharing agreement), I felt safer sharing whatever I wanted with her. It seemed like a safe space to get out some of my feelings about Dr. T. But I could also understand your not feeling OK doing that--I've been seeing R periodically for several years at this point, so there's a different comfort level with her.

I also talked to her about other topics. She has specialized training in certain areas that Dr. T does not, so I tried to take advantage of that. Is there anything in G's training that's different from L, where maybe he could help you in a particular area?

Another thing you could do is pick a particular thing you want to work on. Just going from stuff you've talked about on here recently, maybe you could choose to focus on, say, how you plan to have your father move out and how to talk to him about that. Or on your relationship with your H. Like you could decide "I want to work on this thing over those 15 sessions." Or, you could just use him to cope, to focus on coping strategies. Or some combination of those things.

You likely won't feel ready to open up much at first. But maybe you could try to come up with a sort of plan with him. Just a few thoughts...

Man thats just bogus!

Thanks, LT! That really helps a lot!

About G sharing with L: I really have no problem with him sharing anything with her. I am truly open and honest with L about everything. That being said, G doesn't use the language that L and I have been using for 4+ years. I do not trust that he can communicate with L in the ways I can. So I have asked that he not share anything with L until after she returns. To let me be the one who updates her weekly. Both G and L agreed.

I don't feel like, well right now, sharing things about L with G because L is so precious to me. I don't feel he's earned the right to know the intricacies of my relationship with her. It also feels like if I share anything about her with him, that I'm sharing her with him. And I'm extremely possessive and jealous when it comes to L. It's why I don't share too much information here or with family, or why she never mentions her other clients.

G is trained in ACT which I have been very interested in for a long time. L says that ACT is good when it comes to quitting smoking. So I think maybe we can focus on those two things.

And you're totally right! He can help me prepare to tell my dad about our move. That isn't too personal to talk about, and I could use all the help I can get with that.

So you're inviting me to go skydiving with you? Let's do it! Super fun!

Heh. I really like that analogy, una.

How long will he be away for?

You can't compliment me, i was complimenting YOU!

As for skydiving, yeah no way i can "practice" climbing up stairs to jump off a 3 foot high platform into a pit of pea gravel all afternoon. That will kill me now long before the jump would! But i have the certificate to say i did it once! In a galaxy, long ago and far far away...

He's gone all next week. We're going to have a 10 minute check in phone call next Wednesday. I think neither of us are happy with the situation we find ourselves in. I'm still trying to figure out how we got here. He's being confusing and contradictory. He's open to hearing about any anger I have, but in the next breath he can't take anger directed at him. ???? In reality, I'm not that angry. I'm hurt, but I guess he's taking my comments as anger. I don't know what is safe to say and he feels I'm punishing him by my silence. It's a mess but I hope we can work through this somehow.

Thanks Lemon and Scarlet. I'll comment more later just having a busy day.

Went to h's last liver-study appointment, as the medication trial is over now. Well he still has 2 more one is the final liver biopsy and then an appt to get the results, but he's not on the medication anymore as of today.

This afternoon I'm doing something nice for myself - this may be TMI but oh well haha, I scheduled a professional bra fitting at this place called the Bra Spa - cute name huh, it will be nice to find out my actual bra size (I know it's changed since I've lost weight) and I'm planning on buying a couple to spoil myself a little.

Oh I truly am a believer that women should spoil themselves with underwear, bras, etc.! I have even made sure the women in my family are spoiled with such clothing. It makes us feel better about ourselves. Not wearing the same old under clothing day after day.

Proud of your, Artie. You deserve it.

You can try to break the record of the 104 yr old woman who recently jumped. Sure, she died rather soon after -but being that active at 104 is inspiring

Oh, I didn't hear that she'd died. Still, inspiring like you said.

I plan on bungee jumping to the Great Beyond.

I had a professional bra fitting once, in the mid 80's, the lady turned me into pointy madonna boobs, it was kind of horrifying. Artie, hope theyve modernized since then! Im like Kramer on Seinfeld, theyre swinging free! The girls, that is, not the boys!

Good for you, Art!
I am of the opinion that properly fitted undergarments are a necessity. It's just awful walking around all day tugging and adjusting of feeling uncomfortable.

What a fun experience that was actually!! I never knew what a huge difference it would make. I look like I've lost another 10 lbs wearing one of the new ones I bought.

And get this, there's a yarn store right next door, so I spent some time in there after. It's yarn heaven in there! haha! So many beautiful yarns of every conceivable material. Expensive, but it was fun looking and talking crochet with the proprieter. I shall be going back there in January with my first overtime paycheck.

All in all, Artie had a fabulous self-care afternoon!

H is out on a job, so I'm going to go work some more on my cardigan. Might as well continue the feel good afternoon.

I think ex-hankster is less than ten years older than you. So she could break the record, then you could come along and break HER record…

Oh, on the ear injections, I asked for an MRI first. To those who asked, no, there’s no painkillers for the ear injection procedure.

The new Couch is here: Couch 246: Choose Change