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Iamher3
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Default Sep 27, 2023 at 12:25 PM
  #1
I highly prefer blank slate.
And do not like when Ts share their personal stuff.

I recently started with a great T. That i really really like.

Recently he shared something personal with me and i wish he didnt. There is a major milestone in his life and he let me know he will be on short leave.

Now that he has shared the specifics , my mind is all over the place. I am thinking of what else is going to change. Will he reduce his hours? Will he stop taking insurance? Will the quality of our sessions change? Am i too depressing and negative for this positive change in his life? Would he even want to continue seeing me? He said be will take minimum time off. But what if that extends? What if he forgets about all the work we have already done? Do i have to start over again with a new T.? Is it fair that this was disclosed to me sooo soo late? If I had known when i started couple months back, i may have just looked for a diff. T?

It would ve been better if. He just told me he is taking some time off from work. And i wouldnt be thinking about all this other stuff.

I can ask him for reassurance, that he will be back. But who is to say that it will not change.
How do i stay vested in this relationship without being hurt. How do i protect myself for the disappointment? For losing my support.

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ArtieTheSequal
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Default Sep 27, 2023 at 12:56 PM
  #2
if/when i ever attempt therapy again, it will be with a blank slate t. long-term t (who i'm still trying so far unsuccessfully to break away from emotionally) was constantly sharing tidbits about her life for the 10+ years I saw her regularly which led to some hurt on my part that I don't have any interest in feeling with another t.

I don't have any answers for you, but I do wish you all the best.
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Iamher3
Oliviab
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Default Sep 27, 2023 at 01:07 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iamher3 View Post
I highly prefer blank slate.
Now that he has shared the specifics , my mind is all over the place. I am thinking of what else is going to change. Will he reduce his hours? Will he stop taking insurance? Will the quality of our sessions change? Am i too depressing and negative for this positive change in his life? Would he even want to continue seeing me? He said be will take minimum time off. But what if that extends? What if he forgets about all the work we have already done? Do i have to start over again with a new T.? Is it fair that this was disclosed to me sooo soo late? If I had known when i started couple months back, i may have just looked for a diff. T?
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This is obviously a personal preference with no right/wrong answers, but I could not work with a blank slate therapist. Since much of my trauma is interpersonal, anything that happens between us is very important. The questions like yours above a pure therapy gold--so much good stuff to explore here!

Any time I have strong reactions to my therapist, to something he did or didn't do, we roll up our sleeves and dig in. First, we have to do some repair work. I have to be able to express my feelings and have them validated. Then he will generally share his perspective. And then when the feelings have settled enough to do deeper work, we dig into why I might be feeling this way, what iin my past made this a big deal to me, how it plays out in my other relationships, etc.

Just another perspective--may or may not be helpful.
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East17, Iamher3
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Default Sep 27, 2023 at 02:28 PM
  #4
It's fresh. It fades. His disclosure.
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Iamher3
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Default Sep 27, 2023 at 02:56 PM
  #5
I never had any interest in the personal life or the thoughts/feelings of a therapist.

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Iamher3
Iamher3
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Default Sep 27, 2023 at 03:07 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oliviab View Post
This is obviously a personal preference with no right/wrong answers, but I could not work with a blank slate therapist. Since much of my trauma is interpersonal, anything that happens between us is very important. The questions like yours above a pure therapy gold--so much good stuff to explore here!

Any time I have strong reactions to my therapist, to something he did or didn't do, we roll up our sleeves and dig in. First, we have to do some repair work. I have to be able to express my feelings and have them validated. Then he will generally share his perspective. And then when the feelings have settled enough to do deeper work, we dig into why I might be feeling this way, what iin my past made this a big deal to me, how it plays out in my other relationships, etc.

Just another perspective--may or may not be helpful.

U can tell what the milestone is. I think this is a great big happy moment for him. He is very excited about it.
I feel like i ve to be very sensitive in how i share my feelings around this.

If he just said he is take time off for few weeks, it would ve been so much easier to discuss my insecurities.

Thank u for sharing ur experience.

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AnaWhitney
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Default Oct 04, 2023 at 11:51 AM
  #7
I don’t like blank slate Ts. My T shares things all the time and also posts a lot on her social media page. Even though it’s all genuine, honest and interesting stuff from the perspective of not just a T, MY actual T as both a human and T, I can be highly triggered by simple things popping up on my news feed. It was so difficult at times that I’ve been tempted to block or unfollow her but I didn’t and I’ve found it has got easier.
Things are happening in Ts lives whether we know about it or not and I have learned that so far she has showed up for me regardless of whatever struggle she posted about that week.
I feel I can trust her more because she is true to herself and I don’t feel like there’s a big difference between her as a professional and her as a regular person, which I feel is not the kind of thing that can be got from a blank state T, where I’d be thinking ‘but what do they REALLY think of me?’
It’s not for everyone though and it was damn hard to get to this point. Like really hard!
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