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shamon86
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Trig Nov 01, 2023 at 09:57 PM
  #1
My therapist and I just started working on my "trauma" surrounding my mom's death.
Possible trigger:
.
He had me record that short story and I have to listen to it every day. I haven't cried yet though, not while recording it or listening to it. We're only on our first week of doing this but I thought this would be harder than it is. It makes me question if it even was a trauma at all. And that answer matters to me.
This happend over 15 years ago and I still think about it today. All my memories surrounding my mother boils down to this one day and losing her. Anytime I think of her it's always about the day she died. Labeling this as a trauma would justify to me the reason as to why it affects me so much and why I think about it the way I do, if that makes sense. Otherwise I feel like I'm making this big deal out of something that I shouldn't be. Am I just wasting his time?
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Default Nov 02, 2023 at 12:54 AM
  #2
I don't believe a client can waste the time of a therapist – the therapist gets paid. A client can waste their time and money but not that of the therapist. I also don't think that crying is an indication one way or the other of whether somethings useful to you or not. For me I think the question is are you finding dealing with the therapist useful if so then good and if not there are other things to do

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Default Nov 02, 2023 at 02:51 AM
  #3
I'd defo see that as a trauma. No one gets to decide on what and how anything affects an invidual.
Sorry this happened how t did.
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Default Nov 02, 2023 at 06:55 AM
  #4
Crying doesn't indicate trauma. You can have trauma and not cry AND you can cry and not have trauma. Plus the method used to try to treat trauma might not work for you. Personally, I would never think it's appropriate to record your story nor do I think you should go over your story daily. That's not how I understand how it works. That could be re-traumatizing and result in flashbacks, freezing, numbness, etc towards your past trauma or even create a new trauma.

Ex-T tried talking to me about my trauma. She knew the basics. We started talking about my mom, and I never cried. Then we talked about my dad... I cried so much. She thought I was faking it. The trauma from each parent affects me differently. I've processed the trauma with my mom a lot and have mostly accepted it. Not with my dad. I still try to see him as a parent even to this day. So I get triggered when any of my trauma comes up with him.

ETA: If you want to know if it's trauma, I think the main question is how it affects your life. I'm sure there's quizzes out there that could help you determine if it's trauma. Just my opinion? Yes, I'd say that could be very traumatic and the fact it still affects your life points to that it's trauma, too.

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Default Nov 02, 2023 at 07:26 AM
  #5
Just to give you some reassurance and counter what another poster said (about this being inappropriate therapy), I want to let you know that what you're describing actually sounds like a common and very well-researched form of trauma therapy called 'exposure therapy' or 'narrative exposure therapy' .

It is considered an evidenced-based therapy and has been studied extensively with veterans and also those with single incident trauma. Of course, no single trauma treatment is effective for all situations and it may or may not be effective for you personally, but it most certainly can be helpful and healing for many people as they work to process and metabolize traumatic events and experiences.

I would say that it's a good sign that you aren't finding the therapy to be destabilizing or too difficult thus far. It shouldn't be destabilizing. Perhaps you could discuss your concerns about crying with your therapist.
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Default Nov 02, 2023 at 08:05 AM
  #6
Maybe there's a bit of exploration for you to do before you concentrate on your mother's death itself. For example, the idea that the "trauma" label would afford your feelings a verifiable validity seems really significant. What's the significance of having that kind of "proof"? Does this link to being dismissed or disbelieved or otherwise belittled in other aspects of your life? There are lots of strands to explore and, as stopdog says, there are other approaches beyond talking therapy which can be helpful.
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