Therapy for son

We keep going back and forth on whether or not we should have our son see a therapist. I just don’t know if it will help or make things worse.

How do people decide if it is the right decision or not?

He is very shy, doesn’t talk much and has no friends. He is emotionally sensitive and a perfectionist.

What are the pros and cons?

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How old are they? If he wants to go, I would send him. If he doesn't want to go, see if he will just try a session or 2. I was forced to go when I was a child and it didn't help me at all.

He is 15, a freshman in high school.

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My son reluctantly went when I asked him to try it when he was 14. After one session he told me it made him very uncomfortable and that he never wanted to go back. At 21 he said he’d like to try it again. He started a few months ago. He told me he really likes the guy and that he’s helping him.

Key for my son is talking to a younger male therapist (now) rather than an older male therapist (then). I think he had to be ready but I also think that trying it at 14 even for only one session helped him decide to try it later.

My son asked me if he could go to therapy when he was 16-ish (he's 25 now); he knew I'd been going for a while and that it's helpful for me. So I found him a couple different t's through my insurance while he was still on it, the first one didn't really work out but he liked the 2nd one, she was really helpful and he was still seeing her off and on until he moved out of state like a year ago. So I agree with lost, if he wants to go, I would send him.

I agree with everyone else. If he is open to the idea then it's worth a try. But I would be sure to let him know that he is in the driver's seat, so to speak, and that he understands it's his therapy and it's solely for his benefit. If he gets in there and doesn't have a good rapport or doesn't feel like he can open up to the therapist then let him know he can try someone else. Or, if at any time he feels therapy isn't helping him then let him know he can always stop. It's his choice. My son (now an adult) also went to therapy throughout his teens. Ultimately, after trying a couple different people, he found a young(ish) therapist that he really clicked with. He saw him off and on for several years and it was very helpful for my son as he was also in the process of coming out at the time. It was nice to know he had that outside support. But when he said he was ready to stop therapy I supported that too.

I think every single person can benefit from therapy. The question is, is he open to it as he probably won’t benefit much if not.
As a teen who was forced into it, I just felt like I was being punished and shamed and I just faked my way through it to get them to say I didn’t need to be there, which in my eyes at the time would undo the shame I felt for being sent there in the first place. That was all I cared about. Pity, because I really needed the help but if you’re not ready, you’re not ready

I agree that you should see what he wants to do. If possible (depending on, say, insurance needs and availability in your area), give him a few therapists to choose from. If any allow a free consultation (I've had a free 15-minute call or Zoom meeting with a few in the past), take advantage of that to get a sense of fit. Let him know that it's fine to change therapists if he doesn't like the first one, and if he doesn't feel therapy is right for him right now, that's fine, too. Also, I'd let him know, assuming you and the other parent feel OK with this, that what he shares with the therapist will be confidential, unless it's a case where the therapist thinks your son (or someone else) is in danger. So that he'll feel it's a safe space to share and the therapist won't go running back and telling you everything he said.

I'm glad you're pursuing this--I asked my mom to see a therapist for depression when I was 17, and my mom said I didn't have anything to be depressed about, so she didn't agree to it. I really wish I'd seen someone then. (They did briefly have me see a psychiatrist when I was 13 for a different issue, but I didn't find her all that helpful. And it felt like they were having me see her because they didn't want to deal with my anxiety, not because they wanted to help me.)

Does he want to go?

My youngest son was quite the introvert up until maybe his senior year. Then in college he completely found his passion, his people, his goals. Almost unrecognizable. Completely confident, a lovely group of friends, and now an amazing teacher.

Your son may just not be there yet. If he’s not interested in therapy, I wouldn’t push it unless he’s really in need or wanting to go.