advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
 
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,134 (SuperPoster!)
9
75.4k hugs
given
Default Jun 12, 2024 at 03:35 PM
  #641
Dear T,


It seems some of my fears were founded. At least you were empathetic (for the most part) about the stuff with my mom.

Love,
LT
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel

advertisement
MuddyBoots
Monster on the Hill
 
MuddyBoots's Avatar
 
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,786 (SuperPoster!)
3
5,519 hugs
given
Default Jun 13, 2024 at 09:54 AM
  #642
Thanks for not seeing me today. Not like I could really use some support right now or anything... I am seriously considering drinking again because I cannot deal, but no, I'm going to do a coping thing and go to Guitar Center and test some stuff out, see what's out there now.

__________________
After you make a mistake, you can either repeat them or learn from them.

I like repeating them just to see if it really is likely cause and effect.
MuddyBoots is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
 
Thanks for this!
LostOnTheTrail
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 14, 2024 at 08:24 AM
  #643
During lockdown, Thursdays began to feel like a destination.
Then Steve died, and that feeling never left.

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 14, 2024 at 04:12 PM
  #644
I appreciated not fielding 'How are you?' during today's work Zoom meeting.
Then the question arrived via email from a senior colleague, after I posted my latest artwork on social media.

All I could do was tell [part of] the truth.

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
 
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,134 (SuperPoster!)
9
75.4k hugs
given
Default Jun 15, 2024 at 09:30 AM
  #645
Dear T,

I wish I could tell you why it was so funny which song the one band closed with last night. And maybe I told you back when it initially led to that (private) meme my friend created early on in my seeing you from your professional website pic. But now knowing how you are about photos being used, I doubt you'd find it amusing.


Love,
LT
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
ScarletPimpernel
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
 
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,134 (SuperPoster!)
9
75.4k hugs
given
Default Jun 15, 2024 at 09:33 AM
  #646
Dear T,

Also, I'm really on the fence on whether to meet that Thursday before the move. I suppose I have time to decide. I just don't know if virtual, even with your screen turned to the window, would feel too sad. And you'll likely be preoccupied with the move, so I fear you'll be distant. Well, and that I'll be distant, too, in trying to protect myself. And there's already the distance that virtual gives.

I just worry I'll feel sad and disconnected, then will take that into the weekend when I'm on solo D duty. Maybe we can discuss it. And perhaps you'd be open to a morning-of decision? Or at least night before.

I also wish you could guarantee you wouldn't take certain things out of the office before that Tuesday's session, too. (You said before it wouldn't be till after, but I guess you've changed your mind?) Maybe I'll ask about it again Monday. There are many things I don't really care about. And you said you'd forewarn me, but if you're like, "I already packed up the fish," that would be extremely difficult for me. At least I already got the stone back.

I suppose I could just ask you to hold off on packing the fish up. I mean, it's one item, it's not going to take you that long to wrap it in newspaper or whatever. I understand if you're moving the paintings yourself that you might have to take those down early, but I'd feel OK about that, I think? And the sconces.

Love,
LT
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 15, 2024 at 12:13 PM
  #647
I make it five more sleeps.

Explaining the aftermath is hard.

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
ArtieTheSequal
Writing my way through...
 
ArtieTheSequal's Avatar
 
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,453 (SuperPoster!)
4
5,882 hugs
given
Default Jun 16, 2024 at 08:30 PM
  #648
I have a little bit of the missing you blues today. It started with looking at the bird feeder live cam in my mom's yard, seeing my sister's house, I started missing my family. And then I started missing you.
ArtieTheSequal is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 17, 2024 at 08:58 AM
  #649
Yesterday really took it out of me, and work need me to be on form at the moment.

I'm wrecked, and you're the only person who understands why.

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
 
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,134 (SuperPoster!)
9
75.4k hugs
given
Default Jun 17, 2024 at 05:11 PM
  #650
Dear T,

Struggling with the move stuff right now and am hoping you have something tomorrow, as I'm reluctant to send you this novel of an email. I doubt you will, though, as I think it's your busy week, based on it being one two weeks ago. Maybe I can just sit on it till Wednesday. (Or send and say to not reply, then we'll discuss then, but not sure how much that will help me.) And I did feel connected for most of today, which was good, but the move is just hitting me more, I think.

And your uncertainty of when things will go away from the office is really difficult, especially considering that you do, in fact, have control over most of that. Yes, you can't control some aspects, but it feels like you feel it's up to the fates, when you could opt to hold off on something until a few days before your move. I have moved before myself. I get you want to do stuff when you can, but my last in-person meeting would be 3 days before your actual move.

Yes, I'm being selfish. But I also feel like your uncertainty about timing is making this much more difficult for me. If you were like, "I am definitely going to take x out of the office Monday," then I could decide, "OK, maybe it's not worth going in Tuesday, and I'll say my office good-byes Sunday." Or good-bye this Friday, I guess.

Like I said in the email draft, it's like I'm watching someone die slowly, their faculties going away one by one. I'd rather be there when they are still conscious. Of course, your office is not a sentient being, but still. I feel like ex-MC and ex-T just ripped off the Band-Aid, where this is a slow, 6-week removal, where every arm hair hurts.

Love,
LT
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
ChickenNoodleSoup, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 18, 2024 at 02:09 AM
  #651
Thank you for your email.

I'm still keeping hold of 'It doesn't matter what day it is. Your job is to take care of you.'
Layers upon layers.

See you Thursday.

Love,

Lost

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
Mountaindewed
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Mountaindewed's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 37,257 (SuperPoster!)
8
9,228 hugs
given
Default Jun 18, 2024 at 01:45 PM
  #652
You said you were thinking of me when you were at a Coke freestyle machine. I'm kinda preoccupied with other things and I don't normally think of you at random times.

Also what was up with your boobs practically popping out of your shirt? Yes I saw you pull up your shirt up when you thought I wasn't looking.
Mountaindewed is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
MuddyBoots
Monster on the Hill
 
MuddyBoots's Avatar
 
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,786 (SuperPoster!)
3
5,519 hugs
given
Default Jun 19, 2024 at 09:58 AM
  #653
Ayyo,

haven't seen you since the 6th. Another cancelation this week so won't see you again until the 26th if you don't have any emergencies or meetings or whatever else "comes up." Thought this was supposed to be a weekly thing. I'm not saying I'm mad about not seeing you. I'm saying I'm mad because I make time to see you. I make sure I'm not sleeping. I make sure I'm sober (enough). I do not make prior plans during our appointment time. And when you cancel on the session, I also cancel on the session, a nap, binge drinking, I don't know having lunch with a friend or a good fckking?

__________________
After you make a mistake, you can either repeat them or learn from them.

I like repeating them just to see if it really is likely cause and effect.
MuddyBoots is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
Mountaindewed
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Mountaindewed's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 37,257 (SuperPoster!)
8
9,228 hugs
given
Default Jun 19, 2024 at 10:49 AM
  #654
I am so glad our session was yesterday and not tommorow. I do not feel like doing therapy right now with everything else thats going on.
Mountaindewed is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
Mountaindewed
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Mountaindewed's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 37,257 (SuperPoster!)
8
9,228 hugs
given
Default Jun 19, 2024 at 05:00 PM
  #655
Go to the ER if I don't feel "medically" safe. Never heard that one from a therapist.
Mountaindewed is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 19, 2024 at 05:58 PM
  #656
T.S. Eliot asserts that "April is the cruellest month."

For years, I agreed with him.

Now June is giving April a run for its money.

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, unaluna
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 20, 2024 at 05:03 AM
  #657
Hi R,

Thank you so ****ing much for springing that on me at the beginning of session.
Having had two years of virtual sessions where you opened the call, I tried to speak and promptly dissolved, you'll understand why I'm not thrilled at the prospect of you going virtual for the summer.

Of course, you 'know' that will have an impact on me...and we can talk about it, but like we talk about Steve now, it doesn't change anything.

Feeling pretty broken right now, and possibly worse than I was.

See you Thursday,

Lost

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 20, 2024 at 10:30 AM
  #658
There's something screwed up about having a session, and needing to call the bereavement support line on the same day.

There's something more screwed up about having another human being say to me: 'If you feel the need to cry again and you'd rather do that with somebody, you can call back.'

How the hell has my life come to this?

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
ArtieTheSequal, DigitalDarkroom, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 21, 2024 at 04:02 AM
  #659
I wish I could send you this song, because it says it all.



People in pain need people, not screens.

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
LostOnTheTrail
Human Feeling
 
LostOnTheTrail's Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,026
12
3,283 hugs
given
Default Jun 22, 2024 at 03:37 PM
  #660
There's a quote attributed to the Sufi mystic Hafiz:

'Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I'd like to see you living in better conditions.'

It's running around my head again, when it hasn't been for a while.

Much appreciated.

__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
LostOnTheTrail is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
 
Thanks for this!
unaluna
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII LostOnTheTrail Psychotherapy 1021 Dec 16, 2021 09:15 AM
Lost my dear dear friend tonight LucyD Our Pets 18 Jun 01, 2015 10:20 PM
Dear God Zen888 Sanctuary for Spiritual Support 1 Jan 25, 2009 01:37 PM
Lost a dear,dear friend enigma17 Grief and Loss 6 Oct 24, 2006 08:49 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:17 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.