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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,544
(SuperPoster!)
9 76k hugs
given |
#901
Hugs to you, Lost.
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LostOnTheTrail
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LostOnTheTrail
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,544
(SuperPoster!)
9 76k hugs
given |
#902
Dear T,
Thanks for all that this morning. The chatting about politics and how dating is today helped get my mind off the surgery and helped me feel connected. And I'm glad you saw my comment on worrying about H as affectionate. Maybe I surprised myself a bit in saying it. I'll try to figure out some way to say that to him once he's not doped up on painkillers. As much as I'd like to email you an update that he got through surgery OK and is headed home, I won't, as I know that's your preference. I think maybe a big part of making our relationship work is appreciating it for what it is--for what you do give me--and accepting what it isn't and never will be, no matter how much I might want it. (And maybe it's the case for most or at least some other relationships, too.) I imagine that statement would make you jump up and cheer (if you did that sort of thing--that's more R-like). But those are easier words to think and type than to live. So we'll see. Maybe something to talk about Friday. Love you, LT |
LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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LostOnTheTrail
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,341
13 3,469 hugs
given |
#903
Hi R,
I'm in a weird space at the moment as regards our relationship. I can't tell whether you're trying to protect me from the impact of the new understanding, or whether you don't remember what it was. I wish there was a way to find out that didn't involve an awkward conversation. See you next week, Lost __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: US
Posts: 81
7 2 hugs
given |
#904
t,
you calling me (term of endearment) threw me for a loop. where did that come from? me __________________ Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. |
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,966 hugs
given |
#905
I miss therapy with you. Boo. That is all.
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,341
13 3,469 hugs
given |
#906
Hi R,
I'm sorry to say that I feel really let down by you regarding your response to my realisation. I knew the timing wasn't ideal, but I couldn't hold it for six weeks. Having said that, I'm beginning to wish I had done so. At least then I would be able to hold on to the sense that you knew what's going on. Feeling like you don't understand that is a difficult place to be in. I need you to understand the impact this discovery is having on me. It might be a new stage, but it feels like I'm grieving all over again without the insulation that shock provides. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,544
(SuperPoster!)
9 76k hugs
given |
#907
Dear T,
I'm sure you could guess I'm struggling with today's session. You probably think it's just about the last half. But I think the disconnect happened right at the beginning. When I talked about having to go to the coffee shop under your old office with D over the weekend. How I was worried I'd be emotional. And you were all, "Put a positive spin on it! Think of the good therapy moments you had there with me and across the street with ex-MC. Change the narrative." Like, yeah, that's all nice, but I'm not there yet. We still haven't fully talked about the move. I'm not yet in a place where I can smile about the positive things that happened there. Maybe someday I will be able to. But it's been 6 weeks. It felt invalidating. Then of course, there's what came later. I could say it was my own fault for bringing up my insight, but I thought the discussion would go in a different direction. Maybe something more connecting. Instead, it felt like you were driving a wedge in between us. You knew how I'd react to a few things you said. It's just especially distressing because I felt so connected Wednesday--of course, that didn't have anything to do with the therapeutic relationship. Maybe that's why? But the recent handshake discussion was connecting. I don't know... Sigh. Love, LT |
LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,341
13 3,469 hugs
given |
#908
I'm so sorry, LT.
It sucks when they reach for reframing when we're not ready. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,544
(SuperPoster!)
9 76k hugs
given |
#909
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LostOnTheTrail
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,341
13 3,469 hugs
given |
#910
'Person centred' therapy has never meant less.
I agree. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,662
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,087 hugs
given |
#911
You scared me so bad! Why are we so often in sync? It's kind of creepy.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
LonesomeTonight
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,966 hugs
given |
#912
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,544
(SuperPoster!)
9 76k hugs
given |
#913
Dear T,
I'm glad you responded and that you'll reply to the full email tonight.
Possible trigger:
Love, LT |
ScarletPimpernel
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 35,034
(SuperPoster!)
13 1 hugs
given |
#914
All I ever asked was what the point was -what was supposed to happen. I never got how talking was supposed to do anything. It did not help at all and I never understood how it was supposed to help. I never understood why blaming my mother was supposed to help. So what? My parents were X - okay even if I agree (which granted I never did) -so what? How does it help? Why is it so hard for you people to explain how to do it and why. I think it is because you people(therapists) just make up crap and hope we don't notice
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Last edited by stopdog; Sep 14, 2024 at 03:58 PM.. |
Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,748
(SuperPoster!)
13 68.3k hugs
given |
#915
Quote:
I better stop there before i start to make sense. |
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 35,034
(SuperPoster!)
13 1 hugs
given |
#916
All parents make up crap - they haven't done it before. Therapists pretend to be trained at something - they just aren't exactly sure what.
But my point was not that parents are imperfect - my point was why won't therapists tell you what the point is for a client to whine about it all the time whilst paying them to sit there and pretend to listen. I am more pro some parents than I am any therapist __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,748
(SuperPoster!)
13 68.3k hugs
given |
#917
To get the client to change their mind about something that they are doing that is not serving them well, but they cant see it that it is hurting them.
Getting somebody to change their mind or their ways is hard - usually the way is prison, right? |
underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 35,034
(SuperPoster!)
13 1 hugs
given |
#918
I have no idea what you are talking about
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,966 hugs
given |
#919
Quote:
I suppose that's why L had to take drastic measures to make me see that she isn't the version of her that I made up in my head, otherwise I'd never have left and boy howdy I should have left a long time ago. She never said anything because hey, she was getting paid, why should she? ha. But anyway had she told me that's what she was doing it probably would not have been effective. It's all a guessing game for me at this point, but it's definitely a possibility. |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,748
(SuperPoster!)
13 68.3k hugs
given |
#920
I would say, why were you focusing on her? Or why did you THINK you were focusing on her. Its never about them. They just give you what you need to grow. Thats why stopdog doesnt need them - she already grown!
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stopdog
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