Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

LonesomeTonight · Sep 14, 2024 at 07:25 PM

Dear T,

How nice of you to bill me for last week's sessions without replying to my email. I know that was for services already rendered, and I'm sure it's much easier to invoice than to reply to my email. But I'm starting to doubt you'll actually reply "this evening" like you said earlier.

I'm not going to say anything unless you haven't replied as of late morning tomorrow. Though that would be along the lines of "don't bother; we'll just talk Monday." I just worry that the last time this happened, it was because you were confused by my email (as you said later) and just kept putting off replying. I gave you an easy out today--saying that if you were too busy or if you preferred to just talk about it in session, then no need to reply beyond acknowledgement--why didn't you just take it?

Maybe you'll reply later tonight or in the morning. It had better be at least somewhat supportive and not some defensive screed. If it's going to be the latter, just say "let's talk in session."

Love,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Sep 14, 2024 at 08:50 PM

Dear T,

If you haven't responded in some way before 9:59 tomorrow morning, I'm canceling Monday's session to avoid getting charged. I can't have potential drama in session right before I'm going to a concert with my dad. I hope this isn't a replay of a year and a half ago, when you were annoyed by my email and passive-aggressively kept delaying a response. Then later told me about being annoyed by it. If this is what's going on, just tell me we'll talk in session. Or let me know via email that you're annoyed so I can make my own decision about session.

I hope it's just that you're actually busy. And are trying to take the time to thoughtfully respond. Instead of acting like a child and avoiding it and stringing me along.

Love,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Sep 14, 2024 at 08:51 PM

I guess it's fitting, if there is some sort of drama, that it's around a show by this particular band.

Mountaindewed · Sep 14, 2024 at 10:31 PM

I guess I'll have to take a shower tommorow afternoon and wash my comforter during the day since we're having family over and I haven't showered since yesterday morning.

Idk. I don't want to do much of anything right now including seeing you.

stopdog · Sep 15, 2024 at 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

should i be worried that i understood this?

just teasing dear una.

Dear god yes do

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Thats why stopdog doesnt need them - she already grown!

Haha.
Although -sometimes being dismissive is a plus.

Mountaindewed · Sep 15, 2024 at 01:01 PM

I'm kinda not sure how I would feel if you switched to virtual tommorow. How many times can you or your kid suddenly wake up sick though? It seems to happen every other week.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 15, 2024 at 01:57 PM

Dear T,

I think that was a very productive session today. I'm glad we were able to meet. I really appreciated what you said about how the vast majority of the time, you really enjoy working with me. I think I needed to hear that.

We definitely need to continue the conversation on my feeling stuck, in terms of reducing sessions, emailing less, etc. It helped that you said it was unnatural to pull back from a relationship. It makes it feel less like it's some failure with me in particular and more just human nature in general.

Lots of other important stuff, too. Still "marinating," but pretty sure I'll cancel tomorrow. I'm glad you're good with that and with my letting you know this evening. And made it clear you see that sort of change as part of how you run your practice.

Love,
LT

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 15, 2024 at 04:02 PM

Hi R,

Struggling to feel as though you have the full picture again.
How many times is it acceptable to explain something?

I wish there was some other way to ascertain what you understand here.

Lost

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 15, 2024 at 05:48 PM

Agreed, Lost. I wish there was a way to tell that they truly understand.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 15, 2024 at 07:50 PM

I just read this quote and it hit me right square in the feels: "The desire to be loved is the last illusion: give it up and you will be free." - Margaret Atwood.

unaluna · Sep 15, 2024 at 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

I just read this quote and it hit me right square in the feels: "The desire to be loved is the last illusion: give it up and you will be free." - Margaret Atwood.

She is so smart.

I think about something like this sometimes when i am making dinner for myself. Would i want to do it for so.eone else? I.e., be all "oh youre so smart and pretty and i love you." Like what is the point? I think it is mortar to the brick of a child's psyche, but after that? And if it wasnt given then, a lot of rebuilding and refacing is needed.

Mountaindewed · Sep 16, 2024 at 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I'm kinda not sure how I would feel if you switched to virtual tommorow. How many times can you or your kid suddenly wake up sick though? It seems to happen every other week.

You didn't switch to telehealth but you did email me asking if we could meet 15 minutes later.

And all I said was my normal "yeah thats fine." Even though I wasn't very happy about it.

I sometimes feel like you do this all the time because you know how agreeable I am all the time.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 16, 2024 at 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

She is so smart.

I think about something like this sometimes when i am making dinner for myself. Would i want to do it for so.eone else? I.e., be all "oh youre so smart and pretty and i love you." Like what is the point? I think it is mortar to the brick of a child's psyche, but after that? And if it wasnt given then, a lot of rebuilding and refacing is needed.

more to think about. thanks, una.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 16, 2024 at 02:15 PM

L, I wonder what you would think of this: "the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place." That was me in therapy. In a nutshell. I didn't even know exactly what I was pursuing anymore, even talking with you had started to leave me feeling "less-than". I keep saying I'm broken. I'm not ****ing broken. I'm HUMAN. And ain't no therapy that can "fix" being human.

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 16, 2024 at 03:14 PM

Dear H,

Thank you for sitting with me for all these weeks on the phone.
I appreciate you reminding me that I am always worthy of the space, regardless of the other support I have.

The fact that you remembered the significance of Saturday (or at least I think you did...) without me spelling it out meant so much.

The Critic is blithering about pulling myself together, but that doesn't mean pulling away from the people who support me.

Thank you for making sure that I know that.

Lost

unaluna · Sep 16, 2024 at 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

L, I wonder what you would think of this: "the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place."

Where are you getting all this smart stuff?

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 16, 2024 at 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Where are you getting all this smart stuff?

Ha, believe it or not for that last one I googled "i don't give a **** itis" (because today I don't lol) and stumbled upon a book called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a *****: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by someone called Mark Manson, that includes that little gem. Tis a book I need to read.

unaluna · Sep 16, 2024 at 04:54 PM

Thiis sounds like a good way around my self-sabotage. Like it was a joke in the olden days that the way to throw Arnold Palmer off his game was to ask him a specific question about his swing. It would get him thinking about an unconscious process or something.

Thanks!!!

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 17, 2024 at 09:01 AM

Well, it's just dawned on me what has been missing in our discussions about my new realisation.

It's a big one, in terms of our relationship.

Empathy

I don't feel as though you understand the impact this realisation had on me.

I've had many conversations with other people as a result of your choice to work virtually over the summer, that I couldn't have with you online.

We need to talk about the feelings, and yet for that to happen, I need to know that you understand what I'm talking about.

Rational mind says it's been a while since we talked about it...and yet I've never had such a sense that you need a recap.

Mountaindewed · Sep 18, 2024 at 10:12 PM

I didn't eat much today but what do you expect

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,622 (SuperPoster!) 9 76.2k hugs given	Sep 14, 2024 at 08:51 PM #923 I guess it's fitting, if there is some sort of drama, that it's around a show by this particular band.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,827 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,784 hugs given	Sep 14, 2024 at 10:31 PM #924 I guess I'll have to take a shower tommorow afternoon and wash my comforter during the day since we're having family over and I haven't showered since yesterday morning. Idk. I don't want to do much of anything right now including seeing you. __________________ I'm Blue

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,827 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,784 hugs given	Sep 15, 2024 at 01:01 PM #926 I'm kinda not sure how I would feel if you switched to virtual tommorow. How many times can you or your kid suddenly wake up sick though? It seems to happen every other week. __________________ I'm Blue

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,743 (SuperPoster!) 11 7,266 hugs given	Sep 15, 2024 at 05:48 PM #929 Agreed, Lost. I wish there was a way to tell that they truly understand. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,605 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,020 hugs given	Sep 15, 2024 at 07:50 PM #930 I just read this quote and it hit me right square in the feels: "The desire to be loved is the last illusion: give it up and you will be free." - Margaret Atwood.

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,978 (SuperPoster!) 13 69k hugs given	Sep 16, 2024 at 04:54 PM #938 Thiis sounds like a good way around my self-sabotage. Like it was a joke in the olden days that the way to throw Arnold Palmer off his game was to ask him a specific question about his swing. It would get him thinking about an unconscious process or something. Thanks!!!

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,827 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,784 hugs given	Sep 18, 2024 at 10:12 PM #940 I didn't eat much today but what do you expect __________________ I'm Blue