Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

Libertysong · Sep 28, 2024, 11:36 PM

I have seen you for ages but at the moment it feels too hard and complicated. I think I am gonna see someone else.

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 30, 2024, 04:33 PM

Dear H,

Thank you for helping me figure out how I could approach things at work.
I've been overthinking, as per.

I wish we'd talked about my sense of holding it together by the skin of my teeth.

I've been walking wounded since July, and I can't seem to explain the emotional toll of all this in a way that R can understand.

Speak soon,

Lost

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 30, 2024, 09:15 PM

hi

(8 characters)

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 01, 2024, 12:59 PM

i hate how bad i feel

LonesomeTonight · Oct 01, 2024, 01:49 PM

Dear T,

How is it that I handle something stressful like being rear-ended totally fine (at least, in the sense of remaining calm and collected, exchanging information, and still continuing on to my doctor's appointment)? But then I fall apart for something very minor, like your seeming to close the door without acknowledging me on the last day in the old building?

I mean, I guess it's the two T's: transference and triggers...

Love,
LT

LostOnTheTrail · Oct 01, 2024, 05:31 PM

Everything feels like aftermath, all over again.
Are you aware that we only had one opportunity to talk about my grief in its current form?

Doesn't feel like it, somehow.

Mountaindewed · Oct 02, 2024, 01:23 PM

Please switch to telehealth tommorow.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 02, 2024, 03:37 PM

I feel so bad. Today the thought that world war 3 is likely going to happen in my lifetime and may have already begun has me terrified. I want to crawl into a deep cave and hide. Or call in sick and go hide under my bed.

Mountaindewed · Oct 03, 2024, 05:31 AM

Do you mind a shower in a can? My stomach is fine, I'm just dizzy from this new med.

LostOnTheTrail · Oct 03, 2024, 06:12 AM

The surreal thing about all this is that you are the only person who can be in the same space with me, and yet I still feel the distance.

You were the only person I trusted with my innermost feelings for so long, then you disappeared when I needed you most.

In Steve's absence, it is hard to access the level of self-belief I had.
I believed in myself because he believed in me, and now you are asking me to figure out what remains?

I took it on the chin when he died, somehow, because that was the only option.

comrademoomoo · Oct 03, 2024, 07:45 AM

I really hope I can describe what's happened and what I have done and what I have realised without sounding like a loony. In amongst all this is something touching and real about you and how I feel about you, but I am worried it's going to sound copy and paste. Maybe it is. Maybe all these things are copy and paste. But still.

ScarletPimpernel · Oct 03, 2024, 09:39 AM

Thanks for ending the conversation on me. I really appreciated it.

Mountaindewed · Oct 03, 2024, 12:19 PM

I can't believe I got so jealous today of your other client. Wtf is wrong with me. I'm glad I controlled my emotions.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2024, 08:21 PM

it's interesting, L. just admitting to myself earlier this evening that i still struggle with letting you go, opened up another poem that just came and helped me let go a little bit more. teeny tiny little baby steps, maybe, but i'm getting over you.

Mountaindewed · Oct 03, 2024, 11:57 PM

I want your attention real bad right now. Idk whats wrong. Whats with the sudden shift in feelings for you, and why I have no energy and I'm taking 4-5 hour naps a day.

Mountaindewed · Oct 04, 2024, 01:09 PM

Do you ever listen to the song Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men? I was listening to it last night and thinking of you.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 04, 2024, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Do you ever listen to the song Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men? I was listening to it last night and thinking of you.

Hope it's OK to respond--but I used to (still do, I guess) associate that song with my former marriage counselor. I even started crying one time when I heard it while out (after we terminated) from the line "Tell her that I miss our little talks."

LonesomeTonight · Oct 04, 2024, 02:42 PM

Dear T,

Hopefully, there won't be a therapy grenade later. But I'm trying to hold onto your comment about how your role is to be there to support me until I get to that point. When I find therapy to be less important, that I want to spend my time doing other things, except maybe as a regular check-in sort of thing. That point just feels so far off...

I guess I just wanted to talk more about the attachment aspect, how I want to be able to feel that less. When I think you were just talking about therapy in general. It's not just about wanting therapy for me, but about wanting therapy *with you*. (I mean, I suppose I could just go get attached to some other therapist.)

Maybe I should write about that (for myself/the memoir, not as an email), and then we can come back around to it on Monday? Of course...that's a difficult anniversary for me--I guess 29 years? (Happy 29th to me? In a sense...)

Love,
LT

Mountaindewed · Oct 04, 2024, 03:55 PM

I hope you don't fly off your rocker by that email I just sent. I have gone off the deep end and idk why. But I want to stab myself in the forehead with a fork right now from this migraine.

Ok so you messaged me 3 minutes after I messaged you. And you were fine with me. But I still don't get what my issue is.

ScarletPimpernel · Oct 04, 2024, 06:00 PM

Pdoc, Really? Politics now. First was insensitivity to my infertility then pushing religion. Now this? The only reason I stay with you is because you prescribe my anxiety meds and because finding a new one will be difficult. Maybe when your contract is up in January, you won't come back!

Mountaindewed · Oct 04, 2024, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hope it's OK to respond--but I used to (still do, I guess) associate that song with my former marriage counselor. I even started crying one time when I heard it while out (after we terminated) from the line "Tell her that I miss our little talks."

I like the parts that go

"Some days I dont know if I'm wrong or right"
"Well tell your mind its playing tricks on you my dear."

And

"Its killing me to see you this way."

LonesomeTonight · Oct 04, 2024, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I like the parts that go

"Some days I dont know if I'm wrong or right"
"Well tell your mind its playing tricks on you my dear."

And

"Its killing me to see you this way."

Yes, those, too!

FooZe · Oct 06, 2024, 02:34 AM

The new thread is here: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVIII

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