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Default Oct 01, 2024 at 05:31 PM
  #981
Everything feels like aftermath, all over again.
Are you aware that we only had one opportunity to talk about my grief in its current form?

Doesn't feel like it, somehow.

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Default Oct 02, 2024 at 01:23 PM
  #982
Please switch to telehealth tommorow.

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Default Oct 02, 2024 at 03:37 PM
  #983
I feel so bad. Today the thought that world war 3 is likely going to happen in my lifetime and may have already begun has me terrified. I want to crawl into a deep cave and hide. Or call in sick and go hide under my bed.
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Default Oct 03, 2024 at 05:31 AM
  #984
Do you mind a shower in a can? My stomach is fine, I'm just dizzy from this new med.

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Default Oct 03, 2024 at 06:12 AM
  #985
The surreal thing about all this is that you are the only person who can be in the same space with me, and yet I still feel the distance.

You were the only person I trusted with my innermost feelings for so long, then you disappeared when I needed you most.

In Steve's absence, it is hard to access the level of self-belief I had.
I believed in myself because he believed in me, and now you are asking me to figure out what remains?

I took it on the chin when he died, somehow, because that was the only option.

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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Default Oct 03, 2024 at 07:45 AM
  #986
I really hope I can describe what's happened and what I have done and what I have realised without sounding like a loony. In amongst all this is something touching and real about you and how I feel about you, but I am worried it's going to sound copy and paste. Maybe it is. Maybe all these things are copy and paste. But still.
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Default Oct 03, 2024 at 09:39 AM
  #987
Thanks for ending the conversation on me. I really appreciated it.

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Default Oct 03, 2024 at 12:19 PM
  #988
I can't believe I got so jealous today of your other client. Wtf is wrong with me. I'm glad I controlled my emotions.

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Default Oct 03, 2024 at 08:21 PM
  #989
it's interesting, L. just admitting to myself earlier this evening that i still struggle with letting you go, opened up another poem that just came and helped me let go a little bit more. teeny tiny little baby steps, maybe, but i'm getting over you.
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Default Oct 03, 2024 at 11:57 PM
  #990
I want your attention real bad right now. Idk whats wrong. Whats with the sudden shift in feelings for you, and why I have no energy and I'm taking 4-5 hour naps a day.

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Default Oct 04, 2024 at 01:09 PM
  #991
Do you ever listen to the song Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men? I was listening to it last night and thinking of you.

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Default Oct 04, 2024 at 01:43 PM
  #992
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Do you ever listen to the song Little Talks by Of Monsters And Men? I was listening to it last night and thinking of you.

Hope it's OK to respond--but I used to (still do, I guess) associate that song with my former marriage counselor. I even started crying one time when I heard it while out (after we terminated) from the line "Tell her that I miss our little talks."
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Default Oct 04, 2024 at 02:42 PM
  #993
Dear T,

Hopefully, there won't be a therapy grenade later. But I'm trying to hold onto your comment about how your role is to be there to support me until I get to that point. When I find therapy to be less important, that I want to spend my time doing other things, except maybe as a regular check-in sort of thing. That point just feels so far off...

I guess I just wanted to talk more about the attachment aspect, how I want to be able to feel that less. When I think you were just talking about therapy in general. It's not just about wanting therapy for me, but about wanting therapy *with you*. (I mean, I suppose I could just go get attached to some other therapist.)

Maybe I should write about that (for myself/the memoir, not as an email), and then we can come back around to it on Monday? Of course...that's a difficult anniversary for me--I guess 29 years? (Happy 29th to me? In a sense...)

Love,
LT
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Default Oct 04, 2024 at 03:55 PM
  #994
I hope you don't fly off your rocker by that email I just sent. I have gone off the deep end and idk why. But I want to stab myself in the forehead with a fork right now from this migraine.

Ok so you messaged me 3 minutes after I messaged you. And you were fine with me. But I still don't get what my issue is.

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Default Oct 04, 2024 at 06:00 PM
  #995
Pdoc, Really? Politics now. First was insensitivity to my infertility then pushing religion. Now this? The only reason I stay with you is because you prescribe my anxiety meds and because finding a new one will be difficult. Maybe when your contract is up in January, you won't come back!

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Default Oct 04, 2024 at 07:38 PM
  #996
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Hope it's OK to respond--but I used to (still do, I guess) associate that song with my former marriage counselor. I even started crying one time when I heard it while out (after we terminated) from the line "Tell her that I miss our little talks."
I like the parts that go

"Some days I dont know if I'm wrong or right"
"Well tell your mind its playing tricks on you my dear."

And

"Its killing me to see you this way."

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Default Oct 04, 2024 at 07:45 PM
  #997
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I like the parts that go

"Some days I dont know if I'm wrong or right"
"Well tell your mind its playing tricks on you my dear."

And

"Its killing me to see you this way."

Yes, those, too!
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Default Oct 06, 2024 at 02:34 AM
  #998
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