When you hate T

Do you always tell your T about any hateful feelings you have towards them?
I’ve done it once and she took it very well, but I had a specific reason for hating her which we discussed and the hate disappeared.
I hate her now in a much bigger but vaguer way and I can’t pinpoint why. It’s odd to feel so hateful, like I hate her so much that I don’t care what she thinks anymore and could walk away from the whole thing and not care, but at the same time I know that I will more than likely be discussing the fact that I hate her at the next session. It’s weird to have both in my head… and I’m also worried it’s too soon after the last time I told her I hate her.
Thoughts appreciated. And let me know if anyone else frequently talks to their T about their hateful feeling towards T?

I haven't, but I wish I had spoken of my dislike as I think it would've meant termination of the sessions and my getting another T.

Time would've been saved.

One of the 2 potential new therapists I'm seeing right now brings out that hateful feeling. I keep trying to decide if it is worth staying and trying to talk about the hateful feelings - since I don't have the ability to talk directly to people about negative feelings I am having towards them. It would give me a place to practice. Also, several people say he is really good at his job. On the other hand, I think he's an arrogant a. So why waste my time dealing with him. He's covered by insurance so there's no money involved directly from me.

If your T is good, then you should be able to talk through these hateful feelings and try to figure out where they are coming from, why they are there, and if it really is your T or something else.

Thanks. I know it’s not my T. She’s the best I’ve had and mostly I’m very attached to her. It’s weird that I can know this but I still feel like I hate her. It’s a familiar feeling actually and something I know is worth exploring.
The problem is that I know I intend to explore it and that means working with T and when she accepts it and connects with me (which part of me wants) it will make the hate go away and hating her right now makes me feel the best I have done in a long time and I don’t want to lose that.

Ambivalence is painful...

My tolerance is just so low around her acknowledging in any way some of my life experiences. I have now told her to shut up and f**k off multiple times. I can’t even tolerate her vaguely talking about abuse in general, eg we were going through the symptoms of BPD and she got to the bit about causes of BPD and I freaked out but held it in because she was reading about the different types of abuse and as usual my head went weird and I spaced out and had no idea what she said for ages but I had this anger in me and even though she moved on, it just kept building because she was still talking and then I verbally lashed out at her. I did the same thing next session when she mentioned my childhood. Then I feel so guilty afterwards for treating my only ally this way. I don’t know why I’ve got so angry but I feel very close to giving up because I don’t want her to have to put up with my behaviour. I’ve apologised but what good is it that when i know I will probably do it again.
We’ve both agreed that I am majorly pushing her way at the moment. I used to love her and now I hate her and she hasn’t done anything to deserve it. Why do I turn everything bad?Even thought I hate her, I don’t want her to terminate me but I wouldn’t blame her if she did

I'm sorry this is so painful. I wonder if it's possible that you're going through a sort of rebellious teenaged phase with your T, where you're separating from her in the way that a teen would from their parents? Whether it's just where you are in the process with her/therapy in general, if she's triggering something from your teen years in particular, or something else?

I ask because I feel I've done that with my T some, pushed back against him, told him I'm upset with him, told him something in anger that he said was "very offensive" to him a year ago, etc. And I'm someone who doesn't generally express anger (or even let myself feel it) or hurt. As I've always tended to be a people pleaser. So I feel that it's actually a sign of development and growth that I've pushed against my T in that way

Anger didn't seem acceptable when I was a kid, so my being able to feel it and let it out now with my T I think it a good sign. Though he'll push right back against me, too, rather than simply taking it as some T's might, which is difficult. But he hasn't made me leave.

Maybe it's something about being able to express anger toward your T and not have her reject you? Or maybe you struggle with having someone accept you, knowing the things you've shared, so you're trying to push her away? Just some things to consider.

Thank you LT, I did laugh about the teenage phase. It does feel a bit like that but I don’t want it to. I feel like I’m on my own now and that makes me hate her, even though I know me hating her is what has me feeling on my own.
Can I ask what you said to your T that he found offensive? (Im just being nosey) and trying to gauge how bad my f**k offs and shut ups are 🙈
That last bit is the one I think,

This is it! She tries to offer me all this understanding and compassion and it enrages me. Every time I’ve been rude to her is because she’s doing this. Yea I’ve told her things things, but that was early on. Now I can’t cope with her even mentioning it, even in a general non specific to me sort of way. Yet If she stopped I’d probably die because Id know it would lie forgotten and that would be too painful also. So she can’t win with me. I’m a nightmare

I wonder if it would help to talk to her about what you think is going on?

And the comment I made to my T is pretty complicated to explain. Basically, I was suggesting he cared more about the money that I was paying him than about me.

Could it be projection? A good therapist would accept your statement that they are hated and not turn you away. I think it would be good to say that, so the therapist can get some insight.

And yes, tell the therapist why you feel that way, by all means.