I might have messed up

shamon86 · Jan 03, 2024 at 12:58 PM

I've become really attached to my T and in a round about way told him (well I sent him an email). I'm worried he'll want to drop me as a client now. We've danced around my feelings surrounding my mom's passing for years now and finally did some work on it recently and was concerned he might think I don't need to be in therapy anymore. Here is what I sent:

"Let me preface this by saying I don't want to stop therapy, I've just been thinking about what it will be like when that does happen.
It seems unfair to sit down and form some type of relationship with a person to only have that end, even if it is years later. I eventually open up and tell my deepest thoughts to someone, and then I am rewarded by losing another person I've gotten close to in my life. After already losing friends and family in my life why did I choose this? Why did I let myself open up to someone that I knew wouldn't care and would leave?
My logical brain tells me this is the way its supposed to be. It just doesn't make it any easier emotionally."

CANDC · Jan 03, 2024 at 02:21 PM

@shamon86 I am not sure how your therapist will react, but I feel like you are starting to open up in showing you are unsure about having trust in the therapist because that relationship might end.

You said you don't want to stop therapy. That seems clear. I am not sure what you thought was a problem.
@CANDC (<<< tag me if you reply to this message)

Therapy reviewed · Jan 04, 2024 at 06:04 AM

The dilemma of the therapeutic relationship.
As you say you know in your head but it's the heart.. I don't think you've messed up my sending that email. I think that's the sort of thing you should be taking about.

AnaWhitney · Jan 04, 2024 at 09:20 AM

I don’t think you’ve messed up either! I think you did a great job in wording that email and everything you said makes sense. I’m sure your T will react kindly and should be able to reassure you. I can tell you mine always assures me we are not done until I tell her I’m ready to end our work together. And I try to imagine that when that time comes, I will feel differently.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 04, 2024 at 01:48 PM

I agree that you didn't mess up. Have you heard anything back from your T? Or do you have the sort of arrangement where you can email, they won't reply, and you just talk about it in session? These seem like important things to address, so I'm hoping this leads to a helpful discussion (or series of discussions) with your T.

I've had similar thoughts/fears and found that discussing them helped. My T has made the point that all relationships end eventually, even if by one's own death. Which seems depressing at first thought. But he's said how they're still worth having and that they're "in some ways, the most important thing we do" (that phrase stuck with me).

This may seem like a weird comparison, but he's also said that people adopt pets, knowing that they most likely will outlive them. But they still feel it's worth it to have a dog, cat, guinea pig (my current pets), etc., even knowing they have a limited lifespan. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now.

AnaWhitney · Jan 04, 2024 at 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

This may seem like a weird comparison, but he's also said that people adopt pets, knowing that they most likely will outlive them. But they still feel it's worth it to have a dog, cat, guinea pig (my current pets), etc., even knowing they have a limited lifespan. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now.

I love this! I’ve never thought about it that way! Thanks so much for sharing

shamon86 · Jan 09, 2024 at 08:42 PM

I did talk to my T about everything. I ended up flat out telling him I was attached and didn't know how to un attach myself. He thanked me for my honesty and was very understanding and kind. He said that terminating me never crossed his mind and we are going to work all this.

I am grateful that he responded this way, although I don't feel any better. I'm trying to figure out why everything still feels unresolved. What I called attached he calls dependence. He's not wrong; dependence is a part of it but I wonder if it's something else. I don't like feeling this way. It feels like I'm going to break when therapy ends

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Therapy reviewed Member Member Since Sep 2022 Location: Eire Posts: 182 2 2 hugs given	Jan 04, 2024 at 06:04 AM #3 The dilemma of the therapeutic relationship. As you say you know in your head but it's the heart.. I don't think you've messed up my sending that email. I think that's the sort of thing you should be taking about.
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