Afterthoughts

After a long while I was thinking about past therapy and therapy in general and decided to take a look here too and write some thoughts.

I'm mostly curious of the experiences of others who did long term therapy and finally quit it already a while ago. I'd like to know how do you feel now about some aspects vs. how you felt then.

My therapy ended many years ago, and a lot of it feels almost surreal to me now. The attachment and the feelings of dependency among other things.

I was in therapy for anxiety mostly and I have a big childhood trauma. While on therapy I spent countless of hours pondering about therapy, the therapist and the relationship and what does the therapist think (!). Somehow I thought it was good way to spend time to overthink all this, constantly. Now I think it was not, I could've spend that time much better. I also felt so dependent on therapy and the therapist, and being a highly functioning adult both before and after therapy I feel it was rather strange experience.

So was therapy useful then? Yes and no. Sometimes I felt I couldn't be without, and being heard, seen and discussing many different subjects were definitely useful, no doubt. And while in therapy I felt it was 100% useful, but I also think my way of thinking about therapy was not objective while in. The attachment was so strong and I think for someone who endured same kind of childhood trauma as myself it is typical and even expected to fall into that hard. It caused both pain and frustration but also good and validating feelings. My therapist was great, our relationship was professional, a bit personal in the end and we are still in touch. I call her a friend now, but it's not pajama party kind of friendship, more casual and "normal". I'm glad to have met her and she is someone that has been a big part of my life and I am happy I didn't lose her. And communicating doesn't really bring up strong feelings, it's just like with other people I talk to and like.

Did the anxiety go, was I "cured" in therapy? Not really. I learned ways to think differently some stuff and it definitely eased the trauma memories a bit to talk through them, but now that the years have passed, I think the anxiety is about the same than when I started. It comes and goes and I believe it is a very common dg anyway. It is just me, my past and personality and I can live with it and have found a lot of self care that works.

If I knew all this before, would I do it again? The funny thing is that the answer is NO WAY. I loved therapy while I was in, I loved my therapist, and I believed so much it was helpful and at the time it often was. So the experience was good, and I truly cherish a lot of it. But the amount of time and emotional work with totally irrelevant stuff put into it vs. the real benefit. No I would not do it again.

I was in therapy for 20yrs...that was 4yrs ago now.. I can relate to most of your post .. Did it cure me? Was it worth it?
It's a strange thing... Much like the twilight zone... I think what it did do was make me emotionally more resilient... But there's a bit of a sting in the tail with the whole process too... Do I regret it? No... For me it was something I had to do, enjoyed it at the time too.. But the relationship still leaves me feeling a bit lost as to what it really was at times... But T was professional at all times. Went above and beyond at times... So when I'm feeling angry at her for not being here now... That soon disiptates when I remember how kind she was... There were benefits... Maybe not as in your face as I expected... But subtle more life lasting benefits that even more surprise when a rection I have isn't the same as the ones I had before therapy .. Sorry for he disjointed ramble

I tried it for 5-6 years and still don't see any point or benefit from it. I didn't love it or even like it - it was like weekly dentistry to me.

I was in therapy with one psychologist for over 20 years. I dreaded the day it would end but ,surprisingly, I ended it. I started psychoanalysis with a wonderful doctor. I don't think anything is "cured" but rather understood and accepted. This brings a greater understanding to me as far as the "why" things happened in my family. Yes, in many ways, psychotherapy has helped more than therapy with the psychologist.

I’ve been in and out of therapy, with 3 different therapists for 30 years. For the past year I have been contemplating terminating with my therapist of 8 years. I plan on this being my last therapist, although you never know.

So much of what I’ve struggled with is the relationship’ with each different therapist. From push/pull and hate/love ,to mostly yourning and agony. I could physically feel the pain. You can psychoanalyze that in so many ways., but I always thought that if I can stop with obsessional thoughts I wouldn’t need therapy anymore.

Well I think I’m finally there. Her vacations are no longer torture, I don’t think of her 24x7 during the week, our sessions are mostly about my ‘real’ life and the after affects of sessions don’t haunt me for the rest of the week.

During my time with her we have sort discussed my struggle with therapy and my feelings about her. She has ‘indulged’ me for years, off and on in discussing these thoughts. At some point she started to not encourage these discussion as she felt these thoughts were my way of avoiding ‘real’ issues. I didn’t quite agree with her analysis, but after much pushback from me, years, I finally stopped hitting my head on the brick wall. I stopped talking with her about these thoughts and feelings. I did try and connect with other therapists to talk about my issue, but none would take me on. They all suggested I talk directly with my therapist about my issues. I couldn’t clearly communicate to them that talking about it directly had failed.

I know this has been way too long, but it’s really been the first time I’ve felt comfortable talking about my challenges in therapy. And please don’t get me wrong, I know I have benefited greatly in therapy, but the underlying issues regarding therapy have never been fully understood on my part. Of course I’ve been in therapy long enough to know it comes from my childhood!

For those of you that have terminated, did you leave with some unresolved issues, and if so has it been ok?

Not disjointed at all. We share a lot of thoughts. Thank you for this!

For me it was different during, as I really liked to go to the appointments but looking back it is hard to tell if there were lasting benefits or not. Which makes me think I wouldn't choose the same path again in the same crossroads.

Sounds like you have found ways of understanding and accepting during your therapy.

Thank you for writing all this. Therapy is not an easy way and there can easily be confusing aspects even if there was a benefits.

For me termination was smooth and considered. At the time I felt I was ready and there were nothing left. I was both happy to have more freedom and sad not to go anymore. But I adjusted quickly.

Has anyone stayed in touch with their therapist after you terminated? I want to be in a place where I won’t feel the need

We terminated with our former marriage counselor about 6 years ago. I was really attached to him and still reached out to him periodically after termination, including once when I was having an issue with my current T. He was generally kind but brief and somewhat distanced in his replies. And when I was having issues with my T, he said I should just work it out with him.

I eventually just lost the need to reach out to him. Part of that was feeling more of a connection to my T, but I think it just would have gradually faded out had I not been in therapy as well.

It may have had to do with how he replied, too. He did still respond. But if he'd given me more detailed replies (and generally took a couple days) or offered to talk to me or have a session when I had the major conflict with my T, it might have gone differently--I don't know.

My T has said that some T's aren't willing to stay in touch beyond receiving an occasional update from a former client. As there's the chance that if they respond (with more than "thanks for the update!), there could be an implication that they're still the person's therapist and could be liable for their care (even if they're no longer paying them or seeing them regularly). Just commenting on that because some might just say "no contact once we terminate." Or "you can send an update, but I won't reply." That might be combined with "You're welcome to ask to meet for a session or resume therapy."

So it would be good for clients to address this before termination.

Well I was in long term therapy. A few different therapists as I moved around. I quit about 8-9 years ago. Don’t know that I was cured but I found the coping skills I learned useful and of benefit. But I never had any type of attachment to the T. It was just a mostly weekly appointment I didn’t really think on it in between appointments. That could be why it took so long to learn the coping skills. Unfortunately my time was before DBT became better known. From what I’ve read I think I would have found the mindfulness useful. Did some dream work and Native American healing with one T that was interesting and mind expanding but not too useful in daily living. I just needed to learn skills I didn’t get from my family and how to cope with bipolar. I needed to learn little human behavior that most people learn though hearing and daily interaction. I grew up deaf and didn’t learn those secrets. But alls well that ends well.

Would I do it over again, yes, I would, it was ultimately useful

I stopped therapy I guess 11 years ago after probably a total of 15 years of therapy—the last one my longest at right at 10 years. I don’t regret my therapy as I got past my past and now have healthy coping skills that have enabled me to handle my present which has included the loss of my sister, both parents, and my husband of 34 years. So, it has served me well.

I don’t foresee myself ever needing or desiring long-term therapy ever again. I stopped therapy when I realized I was handling life on my own quite well and didn’t need therapy to help me cope any longer.

I have stayed in touch with my former therapists over the years, purely on a very occasional basis without any expectation. I check in via email with my most recent as a navigate the aftermath of my husband’s death, but it is a quick check in maybe once or twice a year. Generally, I am very stable and manage pretty darned well. Therapy helped me find me. Therapy helped me feel gain control and contentment in my life even when it is often full of serious pain and challenges. I could not have made it through these last few years in the state I was in prior to therapy.

I drop an email about once a year .. She's messaged me merry Xmas in Dec...

There are times I'd love to be say with her wrestling with thoughts but that train has gone now and I do eventually get there by myself and with time now..