Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

Three weeks after the flood, they're finally working on it. My dad has been living in the living room the entire time. He's such a slob that he's already made a big mess with trash. But by Saturday, they said they'll be done.

I finally told my sister that living with my dad isn't working out. So we have 6 months until our lease is up and he'll need to find another place.

Sad and infuriating news: my 3 year old niece seriously hurt their new dog. Thankfully, they found a vet that will do the surgery. I'm upset with my niece, but pissed at my sister for leaving the two alone knowing my niece has emotional problems.

L and I are still emailing once a week. I can't even comprehend how to have a relationship with her again. 24 more days... Part of me doesn't want her to come back. The other part is still attached to her. I just hold so much grief and anger towards her. And I don't understand how she'll magically be ready for me in 24 days. Like if she's not ready now, how can she be then?

Too classy for verbs, edam it!

Classy like Fondue.

Has anyone heard from Susannah?

Think her username was Sussanahsays.

Well, we just got some disappointing news at work. I'm glad I could go to lunch immediately after the meeting. My current position is basically being eliminated, well it's happening to a bunch of us, and we're being moved to another job that I am not enthused about. I've done it before, but I don't like it. It's too stressful. My whole decision now is - in the interim before the changeover happens, for which we do not yet have a date - will it be more stressful to find a new job and start completely over someplace else at my age, or staying where I'm at, working at home, and just somehow adjusting to the change in roles?!

Ugh.

Hugs, Scarlet. That all sounds really difficult. I imagine it feels like your father is invading your space (more than usual). Glad it will be done soon. And I hope your sister's dog is OK. Though it's disturbing that your niece hurt him/her (unless it was completely an accident or more self-defense).

With L, I imagine it will take some time to adjust and feel like you can trust her again. She also might be ready to be back to work, like she probably misses that part of her life, too. I'm glad she's still emailing you. Maybe you could ask her there how she'll be ready in 24 days, if you haven't already?

Ugh, I'm sorry, Artie. Maybe try looking for jobs, see what's out there? You can always go ahead and apply for some, see what happens. Maybe you could find something similar to what you're doing now? And keep working from home?

Hugs, Scarlet.

No harm in applying and interviewing for something new. Whilst the new stuff is open.

I've also thought your knits were great. Maybe you could also starting selling those on the side? There's always demand for jumpers and baby blankets.

Thanks, LT.

Sadly, with the dog, it wasn't an accident or self-defense. It's a french bulldog puppy. It is really disturbing and concerning.

I have asked her how she will be ready to return. She kind of answered in a roundabout way. She said that we're going to continue to use what our foundation is based on: honesty first, come as you are, etc. It was comforting, but it also wasn't reassuring because it wasn't a direct answer. Well, the answer was more about us than how she's ready.

Thanks, Artie.

Today's session was tough.
R seemingly advised me to get as much distance as humanly possible from what we ended up talking about.

It's a conversation we've had before, that I didn't expect to have again.
But if the questions persist, then the conversation is required.

I learned a great new term today in an online group of educators- crybully. I am late to the game on that one but it perfectly fits behavior we have encouraged in students and in general -society.

This is a lot to deal with, I hope the puppy will be ok!
It has always stood out to me how wonderful your relationship with L is. Of course it’s been disrupted and it’s no wonder you feel the way you do. Just wanted to say to remember to give yourself some credit for making it this far, and that you are nearly there ❤️❤️
I’d take it that she’ll be ready when she says. Assuming it’s a date of her return to work, just like any other type of leave there has to be a time frame on it, that’s all it is, otherwise it wouldn’t be a leave.

You're right. I did/do? have a wonderful relationship with L. I guess the fact that I am still holding on is evidence of that. We did make a good strong foundation for our relationship, and both of us haven't steered away from that. And she still goes beyond what is agreed upon: her emails are long emails, not short little paragraphs. I know there was/is a lot of good between us. And I guess I'm still holding hope. I think I'm just scared and hurting. I've never had someone leave (for good reasons) and come back. T came back from her maternity leave, but I didn't continue with her.

Good point about the definition of a leave. That there has to be an end date. I'll try to keep that in mind.

I think she might not know 100% “how” she will be ready and there’s a lot of variables in regards to coming back from maternity leave. Some are happy to return and some have harder time and it also depends on child care arrangements.

She does know she is coming back from leave and is preparing for it in many different ways. But she might not have a direct answer “how” as she never had that experience before. That’s why she’s focusing on “you two and your relationship” in her email conversations with you.

Of course just my opinion

My favorite new word I learned recently is “voluntold.” As in, I was voluntold to serve on this committee.

That is another good one.

Had a session with my T today. Trigger warning for health stuff

He of course wants to continue working. But since it has spread, he apparently has like a 50/50 chance to even survive 5 years, so I'm not sure how that will pan out. He did well, though he said he's not sure how to go about patients like me who have such huge abandonment fears. I might make a post later about some things that I'm currently thinking about asking for advice.
I'm coping okay, I am sad but it's kind of like I already knew for three weeks. It's more hard to see him not doing okay. Though I do think my question about what his favorite food is might have made his day a bit better (for anyone wondering, apparently some people have a soft spot for McDonalds burgers...)

In other news, I have reached out to a potential new T. He already gave me a first appointment to get to know him. I'm a bit intrigued by the "main focus: forensic psychiatry", But he does work with BPD as well as substance use and trauma, is not too far from old T, but far enough to not constantly trigger me. He's a bit younger than T, which makes me feel more at ease about issues, although I of course will still worry. He's been let in on the basics of the story too and what I want from him. I think ideally I'd want to slowly switch, and certainly have them talk at least once.

I'm sorry about your T, CNS. I can't even imagine going through that. I hope you can get all that you need from your T while he's still able to be there, and I hope this new T will be a good fit for you.