Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

I'm so sorry your fears were confirmed, CNS. Hugs, if wanted. I'm glad he was relatively open about what's going on.

That's good you've already reached out to a new T--I hope he works out for you. Maybe you could see old T and new T at the same time for a bit? Like you said about slowly switching.

As for his main focus, mine partly has another focus (sports psychology), and he's ultimately worked out for me (despite some bumps in the road). And don't know if you watch Law and Order, but sounds like someone who would consult on there with psych cases, like determining whether someone is competent to stand trial, whether they could be considered not guilty by reason of insanity, etc.

Thank you Scarlet and LT, I think you are the two on here who probably understand the most how this feels without actually having been there.

I think after almost 7 years I got pretty good at picking up my Ts signals even if they are very subtle. Plus just observing regular stuff. So, I am not really surprised. It was actually the first thing I thought of, and it all adds up even though we talk like 0 about his issues. It's hard to explain...also since there's a language barrier, like there's some kinds of phrasings and ways of speaking that just make you know, even if you do not.


East17 has also shared some stuff and I think it's a good decision to find somebody who can at least be there if something sudden happens. I certainly do not want to just ditch my T. He has been the biggest impact in my life so far and I will forever remember him, so I don't just want to leave him all alone either.

I did not watch Law and Order, but I "love" true crime shows (as in enjoy hearing about it, it's all horrific, I don't wish any of it on anyone). My parents also used to watch things more aligned with Law and Order, so I know plenty about what it is. It's more intriguing as in it's a very different perspective. He has all the things I think I need more or less listed, and he fits with some of the stuff I need (like one other therapist I also contacted because we don't have that many has a website which still has sample text in like two categories. It's not that I miiiind, it's something that I'd even find cute if it was my current T. But if you're 40, you really need to know not to do that anymore please.)

Even though the possible new T has a different style or modality, it's the relationship that matters the most. Like how you know your current T even without words being spoken. And different could be a good thing. You're not trying to replace your T. No one could ever replace him. But a fresh perspective and learning new things is always a benefit. So I hope you can develop a good rapport with new T AND still hold onto current T.

I'm very grateful for all of you, not because of some of the small talk, but because when there's big issues, there's a collective that can share different opinions and ideas. Thank you, Scarlet.

Hugs, CNS. I'm sorry that your fears were confirmed; the situation sounds very difficult.

That's really sad news ChickenNoodleSoup and very complex for you to navigate. It sounds like part of you is responding in a very practical and rational way - wisely looking for other support elsewhere. Something I am still learning after more than a year of "losing" my therapist (not through illness or death) is that different parts have different timescales. It is has been really important for me to allow time for all aspects of me until I can arrive at a place where all bits of me are on board. Long and painful grief. Keep posting here, many of us are interested.

Does anyone here have PTSD?
My psychologist tried to test me for it last week but i sabotaged the test 🙈 She called me out and made out like my avoidance was to stop myself from the re experiencing part of ptsd. which she suggested was the emotional reaction I would have when talking or being asked about a particular event. I always thought it had to be nightmares or flashbacks ?
Anyway I was not right afterwards, drank a lot of alcohol and
I saw my T the next day and she said ‘ I have not seen you like this in a long time ‘ because I was so on edge and just a mess. I couldn’t get it out in session but managed to put it in a message after that it’s because I was called out on the ptsd test and couldn’t cope because I do not have ptsd

Does anyone have ptsd from something that happened so long ago like in childhood? Without having flashbacks? I just get really messed up if I try and talk about it which is why I don’t. That could not count surely ?

I have PTSD from being neglected and mistreated in childhood. Like you, I didn't believe it. I just assumed I had a bad childhood. Like PTSD was for (what I considered) more extreme forms of trauma. My ex-pdoc diagnosed me with PTSD without us having any conversations about it. One day, I asked L if I did have it. We did an assessment together. In the end, she explained everything to me. I wish I remember how she labeled it and what qualified me, but I don't. But I do know that after her explaining all my symptoms to me, that I did have it.

I would do the assessment honestly and try to be open to the possibility. PTSD does not simply mean nightmares or flashbacks. It shows up differently for different people and different types of trauma.

Have you had a look at the diagnostic criteria for ptsd? It might help you understand how/where/if you feel that your experience fits the ptsd label. I think this link is clear in its explanation: PTSD and DSM-5 - PTSD: National Center for PTSD

As I understand it, the re-experiencing of the trauma is key to the diagnosis. However, flashbacks are not the only way to re-experience the trauma and flashbacks can manifest in different forms. The self harm you describe might meet the emotional distress/physical reactivity type of re-experiencing stated in criterion B. It's also worth noting that criterion A states the specific kinds of trauma which a person needs to have experienced to meet the diagnosis. If you have any of these horrible events in your past (certainly including childhood), then this probably makes sense of why your psychologist is investigating in this way.

Thanks guys. Comrade, I hadn’t actually seen that one, it’s very clear, thank you.
Yes I think that’s what she meant about the re experiencing part. But I don’t know how to discuss it with her without triggering myself. I cannot cope when I am triggered. I also don’t want to discuss it and be in such a state and then not end up having ptsd because then I will feel like nobody can help me.

I also don’t want to engage In any of this because I feel like it might be a sort of pity diagnosis since I told the psychologist that I would feel like I have to !! Trigger warning !!!


Kill myself if I cannot be diagnosed. That was when they thought I had BPD and I said I would be able to accept it because it’s better than not having it and just being like this for no reason.

If you don't want to engage with it, don't engage with it. Afterall, this is your business and no one else's. She should know how to have these discussions whilst helping you manage your emotions and overwhelm, you don't need to work that out on your own.

A skilled therapist has a duty of care to the client, to ensure that they [the client] do not become unduly distressed during sessions, especially when dealing with difficult subject matter.

Is vaping common in the US?

I would think it would be the same as for us.

I suppose I was thinking of it in terms of disposable vapes being banned here as well as the tobacco sale ban to young people and how that would fit with an American libertarian, conservative set of values. I think the British have a mixed relationship with such individualism - on the one hand we are British and think we can do what we like and believe we still rule the world; on the other hand we are very class/political subservient, respect hierarchy and do what we are told. Tally-ho.

Seems like i dont see ads for it like when they first came out.

I imagine the French have no time for it and the Greeks must be positively outraged.

I've read it's a big issue among teens here (U.S.). They're trying to crack down more on underage sales and marketing. My brother-in-law used to vape--used it to stop smoking. Unsure whether he still does? I think there's this conception that it's a lot safer than cigarettes, but there's still health risks and addiction concerns, if it's a nicotine vape. Recreational cannabis is also legal in many states now, including mine, so I think lots of people will vape that, too.

OK, I realize that sounded like, "The kids these days!" But while talking to Dr. T today, I mentioned seeing someone I knew in college in a Facebook group. Then I said, "I guess I knew her more than 20 years ago." Then, "Oh, I guess I graduated college 25 years ago in May. Huh." I sort of stared into space for a moment after that.

holy smokes i just did the math - this May will be 39 years since i graduated from college! i'm old