Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

It's impressive that you've been able to resist temptation!

Well done on making conscious choices to avoid your triggers- you’re showing great self-awareness and determination.

Keep up the fantastic work Art!

Not showing myself in the best light, but I feel like after 10 months I’m done with hating Fin and all of that associated hurt.

It feels different in my heart and I’m ready to let go.

I also went hiking with my friends on Monday . The sunlight and trees did my soul good. There was also pastries involved, so maybe that’s the secret cure to all.

It's so hard to let go... I think you're doing well with it though! A wise person once told me it takes as long as it takes.

I still have my moments of missing L - but I'm not angry with her anymore. And I know that what I miss is not her per se, but the way our relationship used to be. Anyway I wrote a lot of angry poetry "at" her, not that she'll ever see it haha. But it helped get it out. I'm not really even feeling hurt anymore.

I'm so happy to hear you went hiking with friends! I love getting out in the woods and listening to the trees... always good for the soul.

Thanks Lemon! I should have also said that the weekly OA meetings are a huge help too. Keeps me mindful.

Just logged off from this month's poetry challenge zoom call. Georgia Popoff was the guest poet this evening, and boy was she inspiring!! She talked about something called "persona poetry" which I hadn't heard of before. I have begun exploring this form, reading about it then maybe tomorrow I'll try to write one and see where it goes. She also talked a bit about revising poems, and read some of her work. These monthly calls are such fun!

My friend decided to tag home with me . I made beef noodles for lunch. After I put it on the table she told me she couldn’t eat beef. I should have asked before. I wished I had more time to clean up tbh.

She read the ingredients on the noodle packet, but wasn’t 100% convinced and I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. I washed the pan and restarted with another flavoured packet. So I’m feeling proud of myself that I was in chef mode, even if I have minimal cooking skills.

I checked up online the packet does say “beef” on it,but it doesn’t actually have any meat or meat derivatives.

It sounds like you had a fantastic time.

It's great that you're open and eager to give it a try and see where it takes you.

The calls seem like a wonderful opportunity to connect with fellow poets, learn from experienced writers, and fuel your creativity.
I hope you do continue to enjoy the journey of exploring persona poetry and revising your work!

I have a feeling that that wise person may have been me. . It’s so much harder when you’re dealing with yourself.

I am not there with Rob though at all. I found out that Fin had been ill enough to hospitalised. I hated him, because it was easier. I don’t want to be twisted by bitterness.

Also In all honesty it was a baby hill with great views.

Today in random things that Dr. T has said (tied to the conversation):

"I mean, I've never tried on a woman's bathing suit before. Not that I'd tell you if I had."

I finally found a couple of things I can do with the state of my health and such being as it is. I was thinking, I have some really good experience so why not put that to use?. There is an organization called the G02 foundation, they are attached to the American Lung Cancer Society. They have something called a phone buddy program, I used it eight years back and it is wonderful. When someone is newly diagnosed with lung cancer, if they contact this group they match you closely with someone that went through the same things. Well I am a medical doctor to boot, so I will take one hour calls as need be to try to help the newly diagnosed through it. Getting that diagnosis is like stepping on a landmine, it puts one in darkness and a phone buddy can be a beacon of light to help. Tell them what to expect, understand the feeling, plus I know a great deal of the science and medicine of it. The other thing is I have volunteered for a group called RAINN, completed their online training program and got their certification. I will take two hours of calls a week from those that are or have suffered childhood sexual abuse, help them find resources, advise them and if needed contact the authorities where they are for them. Many of them are too scared to do it but the RAINN organization is not. Who would have thought that going through such a terrible thing, could be pivoted in life to do such a terrific thing? I have felt so useless since having to stop practicing, but there are things I can do from right here at home. Maybe help some people along the way, it's a win/win.

Women’s underwear?

Since forensic guy is becoming a professor, I've reached out to other therapists. Not sure about this new one, mainly because of age. He is probably 5-6 years older than me max. It could be okay, some of my irritations with T were about him being rather removed from technology, but then again it almost feels like talking to a peer, not sure how I am feeling about that. Though forensic T is also young and I manage, but he speaks German and that sounds professional and clean.

CNS - L is 4 years younger than me. I thought it would be a problem. And it still trips me out today when I think about it. But it really didn't matter in the end. I was still able to to attach. Not saying you want to attach. But age, in my experience, doesn't affect the relationship too much. I still feel she's experienced and knowledgeable and can hold her own with me.

Dr. T is 7 years older than me. I feel it helps in a way being essentially in the same generation. We have a lot of the same reference points. I think his backup, R, is a bit younger than me, which is OK, too.

I'd give it a try and see how it goes. If you otherwise feel OK about him.

It was certainly a mental image to have in the middle of my session!

Like when Marcia Brady pictured her driver's test instructor guy sitting there in his underwear so she wouldn't be nervous haha!

Today I learned another new poetic form, called the Magic 9. So-called because the rhyme scheme is abacadaba (abacadabra minus the r!) I'm not making it up haha, I found it on Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides column. So I wrote one. Kinda fun, am adding it into my list of forms to try again in the future. I almost put my first try at one here haha. Because it's about an extremely fleeting thought I had earlier today of calling L. I don't know why that flitted through my mind. I've no intention of contacting her.

Today was National Poem in a Pocket Day. You’re supposed to carry a poem in your pocket and share it with people. (I bet that is not annoy8ng at all.)

I have a ridiculous number of poems memorized, so I’ll share with you one of my favorites:

Oh. life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea,
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Rumania.
—Dorothy Parker

I am not that big on poetry -but Stephen Crane has some I like:

A man said to the universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”

One I recently read for the first time, by Robert Moss (1998):

You see a flash of blue in the air at midnight,
that blue, the blue of kingfisher's wings,
and you take flight from the seen to the unseen.
Poor strategy: the unseen is my home.
You hide from me where I live.

Oh, all right!

There once was a man from Nantucket...

I still have this one memorized from when the tall folk were small:

Plum

Don’t be so glum, plum.
Don’t feel beaten.
You were made to be eaten.
But don’t you know deep within,
Beneath your juicy flesh and flimsy skin,
You bear a mystery,
You hold a key,
You have the making of a whole new tree.

-Tony Mitton

The Way It Is
William Stafford

There's a thread you follow
It goes among things that change
But it does not change
People wonder about what you are pursuing.

You have to explain about the thread,
But it is hard for others to see
While you hold it, you can't get lost
Tragedies happen, people get hurt or die
And you suffer and get old.

Nothing you can do can stop time's unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread.

Although I don't really like poetry - I do have more memorized than I realized.

The only plum poem I know is the WCW poem:

This is Just to Say
I have eaten the plums
that were
in the icebox.
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

The only reason I memorized this poem was that the prof I took poetry from got so worked up about it being such a sensual poem and I thought I could use it to woo my person who did like poetry. Alas - my delivery was such that she almost hurt herself laughing at me. It worked but not in the way I expected.