Ideas for an "emergency" letter

ChickenNoodleSoup · Feb 08, 2024 at 02:51 PM

As some of you might know, my T and I are going through a rough time. He has cancer that has spread, so he can't be completely cured.

We have discussed what happens at the end some. But I'm really scared of it happening really sudden (I know of some people on here who have been unfortunate enough to experience a T suddenly being gone). Therefore, I'd like him to write a few words, to both have a sort of transitional object, but also have his own wording for things. When we discussed it, I told him to "write some nice things" which he doesn't think is therapeutic. I get that, and I'd like to get some insight into what might be good things to put. I told him to imagine we're at the end and not talking anymore after, but he said he's not there yet (which I understand, though I might push him more on that). I wonder what other people might want their T to put into such a letter. I don't want to read it before he is actually gone, it should be something that commemorates our time together after a sudden issue.

Therapy reviewed · Feb 08, 2024 at 03:11 PM

I'd have trust that T would write something relevant..

ChickenNoodleSoup · Feb 08, 2024 at 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Therapy reviewed

I'd have trust that T would write something relevant..

I would too, but he has literally said he will not write just a random thing without my prompt.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 08, 2024 at 03:44 PM

Hm, that's really tough. I'm not sure what he'd consider "therapeutic." What about some words of encouragement? And/or talking about positive changes he might have seen in you through your work together? Like as a reminder of the work you've done together? And I do think "nice things" could be therapeutic, like if he's listing some good qualities of yours as something for you to look at when you're feeling bad about yourself, for example.

And I'm so sorry you're dealing with this...

ScarletPimpernel · Feb 08, 2024 at 04:20 PM

L wrote some things for me on post-it notes before her leave. She wrote some short-worded memories (i.e. belly touching, tattoos, handholding, etc.). She also wrote some advice (1. Validate feelings 2. Get in your window 3. One thing at a time.). There is also the phrase "Little SP doesn't need to fight all the monsters on her own anymore". And "What would L say to me right now".

We have other things that she's written in our scrapbook. Some things are phrases/language we use. There are more memories or endearments and our definition of love.

When I read this, I read writing and transitional object, and my mind went straight to getting something little, in his handwriting, transferred to something cloth like a pillow in embroidery. Might be too far out there, but that's what went through my mind.

I don't know if any of that helps.

East17 · Feb 08, 2024 at 06:28 PM

What about asking if he would record something for you? So that you would not only have something personalised from him, but also that you could hear his voice whenever you wanted to.

For example, (take whatever seems appropriate and discard the rest):
How much progress you've made. Remind you of all the things you've learned, the coping skills, the grounding techniques. He could say what he feels about the time you've worked together. Maybe a summary of why he believes in you, that you will be okay. That it's okay to grieve for him and for the loss of the therapy relationship (I had difficulty with this myself and it would have been helpful to have been told it was a natural and normal thing to do).

Of course if he weren't willing to record this, he could write it down for you to read.

Hope some of this might help.

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk

precaryous · Feb 09, 2024 at 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East17

What about asking if he would record something for you? So that you would not only have something personalised from him, but also that you could hear his voice whenever you wanted to.

For example, (take whatever seems appropriate and discard the rest):
How much progress you've made. Remind you of all the things you've learned, the coping skills, the grounding techniques. He could say what he feels about the time you've worked together. Maybe a summary of why he believes in you, that you will be okay. That it's okay to grieve for him and for the loss of the therapy relationship (I had difficulty with this myself and it would have been helpful to have been told it was a natural and normal thing to do).

Of course if he weren't willing to record this, he could write it down for you to read.

Hope some of this might help.

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk

Yes, I highly recommend a recording if you can get it.
My Previous T recorded a review of our time together before I had to stop seeing her due to a move.
In the recording she talked about my improvements, acknowledging things I’m working on, my strengths, her hopes for my future, etc.
It has been helpful to have this in her own voice…the warmth… It works well as a transitional object..and it helps bring back the lovely support I received from her during a difficult time.

divine1966 · Feb 09, 2024 at 11:23 PM

Going by what he says to you and by his resistance to write such letters he’s not comfortable doing so. Likely because it means he has to face his death.

He might not be comfortable with it.

Often people, who know they are dying, write letters and make recordings for loved ones. Yet it’s typically initiated by them, not their loved ones.

I do understand you wanting such letters or recordings so I get where you are coming from, but we have to remember that yes they are our therapists, but they are also human beings with their own feelings, fears and lives.

You might have to accept that he’s not ready to write such letters or make recordings, if he’ll ever be ready

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Therapy reviewed Member Member Since Sep 2022 Location: Uk Posts: 114 1 1 hugs given	Feb 08, 2024 at 03:11 PM #2 I'd have trust that T would write something relevant..
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