tricky situation

I have an interesting dilemma relating to this forum. I would like to get some feedback on it. Also curious if this sort of thing has happened here before.

I've had a hunch for a while that I may know another poster's therapist. This is actually a therapist that I myself have seen for therapy. However, they are not my current therapist. I saw them for several sessions when I was looking for a new therapist but I ultimately ended up going with someone else.

Anyway, my initial hunch was based on prior posts that disclosed some location info plus some identifying traits of the therapist. Now after some more recent posts I am 99% sure that it's the same therapist I saw.

I'm not sure how to proceed. Do I let them know (privately, of course)? Or keep it to myself? This feels tricky because I don't want to be inconsiderate and/or intrusive by sharing this with them...but on the other hand it feels weird to know their therapist and continue reading their posts without sharing that I know. Does that make sense? I've also thought about just leaving the forum but I know I would probably come back to read posts as a lurker, like I did before I joined ...so it doesn't really solve my internal dilemma (which, now that I think about it, is my own issue not theirs- so maybe that answers my question)?

Anyway, I guess I am just asking the opinion of the forum: do you think it would it be considerate/helpful to let this poster know (privately)? Or would that be inconsiderate and possibly intrusive? Has this happened to anyone here before?

This is just my opinion.

I put myself in the other person's shoes. I wouldn't want to know if someone else knows my therapist. Personally, I'm very protective of my relationship with her. I don't let her share anything about her other clients, even in general.

I also don't think you need to leave unless it's bothering you.

I would advise against it. I can't see any good coming from sharing that knowledge - better for it all to stay completely anon. In my opinion

It happpened to me, and it got weird, but i think mostly for the other person, because i have sibling rivalry issues that manifested (nice way of saying i was horrible?).

If it was me, I think I'd want to know (as I'm now curious as to where in the U.S. you are!) As I'd also be curious as to the person's impression of my therapist actually having met them. So, if by some chance it's me, feel free to PM me about it.

I'd add that others may not want to know, so don't take my response to suggest others may feel the same. This is just my thought.

I feel the same way LT does. Very curious and since I'm not seeing t anymore, feel free to PM me about it, on the off chance it's me.

Maybe if the member whose therapist it is tells in this thread that they'd like to know I would share it with them😅

If they don't tell it here or don't participate in this discussion, I'd definitely keep it to myself. I don't think it is something you need to share. And maybe it is just a hunch anyway. Or if not, I'd leave it as such.

It’s a very individual thing! I would be ok with it if it was me (which I doubt it is) So if it is pm me.
But please don’t feel like you have to leave if you don’t get that response from the person who it is.

Oh, that reminds me that one time, years ago, I wondered whether someone on here was seeing my T because of something they said about theirs that sounded eerily similar (I think a phrase he used? I forget now). So I PMed them, mentioned that (without saying anything about who my T was) and asked whether they'd be willing to share the general area they lived in within the US, something just like "the Midwest." They did, and it turned out that it wasn't the same person because it was a very different area from where I live.

my take on this situation - when I encounter something online I think about it this way -

in real life, would I want to come out of my physician's / therapists office and have some stranger off the street walk up to me and say - so you see Dr. so and so. I used to see them too so you must see them for this that and the other thing.

Would I want a stranger who happens to overhear a part of a conversation, suddenly walk up to me and say - I heard you mention this and that so you must be seeing the same treatment provider I have seen last year.

I would probably look at that complete stranger person and quite frankly I would be quite offended that some stranger assumes they know who my treatment providers are and why I'm seeing them, based on their evidence that they see me frequent a particular building or overhear a few sentences of a conversation.

After all anything to do with my health issues is supposed to be confidential and private. Its up to ....me...... whether I tell others about my health issues and who I see for treatment providers, not the other way around.

I would also ask myself am I a person that would walk up to a complete stranger as they exit a mental health office. assume I know who and why they were at that office and strike up a conversation about the doctor. Ive been in therapy for how many years and how often have I done this to others? none.

Nope I am not that kind of person to walk up to a complete stranger like that. Yea that wouldn't be a good thing for me to do.

so, when I encounter the same type of situation online, I remind myself that everyone has the right of privacy and confidentiality. I personally would not ask another who their treatment provider is, why they are seeing them and would not disclose that I may or may not recognize their treatment provider based on what the poster has chosen to post about them.

I would consider that in real life we naturally do encounter strangers who visit the same treatment providers and agencies. And yea sometimes its very obvious what treatment provider they see because that treatment provider may be in a small professional building or in private practice. but that still wouldnt give me the right to walk up to a stranger and tell them I know their treatment provider and that I know why they see that treatment provider based on the fact that I too have seen that treatment provider who specializes in this or that disease or condition.

its just one of those things everyone has the rights to privacy and confidentiality around their mental and physical health issues including who they see and for what.

on that note I have from time to time encountered others online who assumed by my posts that they may know my treatment providers.

When this first happened, I was nice about it. I referred the member to the rules of which ever site that I happen to be on. I tell them that most forums on the internet cover privacy and confidentiality in that we don't disclose personal identifying information.

Therefore, I am unable to confirm nor deny who they think my treatment provider is. By confirming or denying it, that discloses my personal identifying information.

if they persist, I ask them if they would feel comfortable if some stranger on the internet discovered who their treatment provider was, and in turn showed up on their doorstep.

how does that relate - you see by disclosing what treatment provider a person sees that also opens the door stalkers, and strangers discovering personal information like location. not only me but also affecting my treatment provider. the stranger would just have to sit outside that treatment providers office and follow everyone they think fits who they are looking for and follow them home.

I choose not to disclose that information, even if some stranger online thinks they know who my treatment providers are. its a safety issue.

if they still persist in trying to identify my treatment provider I report and ignore.

be safe out there, its very easy to forget and post identifying information and its very easy to assume to know someone else's treatment providers online.

Thank for all of your input. Your comments were super valuable and helpful. I was up all night thinking about this. Even had some weird dreams about it...must be on my mind. I appreciate that you don't think I should leave the forum. I agree with stop dog that anonymity is paramount for everyone on here...and as far as I can tell this in no way jeopardizes the anonymity of any person posting here...just a particular therapist. Although I would also keep that private too in the sense of only speaking about this with the person privately. So, based on your comments I will think on it a bit more, but I'm leaning towards sending a private message to the person. Thanks again. so helpful.

I guess I don't really understand what the point of a pm would be any more than doing it any other way. I mean you can - but what on your end makes this something you want to tell the other person? That is the part I am not getting. I don't have to get it of course-but do you know in yourself? not that you need to say it here

Because I am now aware that they would like to know. That is why. Otherwise, I definitely would not.

Thanks for everyone's input. I agree that keeping it to myself is the best choice unless I can be sure they would want to know. I have received a message that if it were them- they would want to know.

And like you say, I could be wrong, and they are under no obligation to confirm or deny. Totally up to them. Doesn't matter to me whatsoever whether they confirm or deny, but now I can continue reading and contributing with full transparency (to this specific poster). Which does make me feel better.