Couch 248: Curiouser and Curiouser

I'm glad you got it, Scarlet!. I hope court goes well. Were you able to get your father's signature to move out?

Yes, you seem to have basically nailed both of our perspectives. Unfortunately, they're at odds. I did email him last night about it, but his response wasn't too helpful. Just that he'll have to reduce some items in his office, so he doesn't know yet if the fish will fit or not. That it's not personal. And that I...

OK, I'm just going to post his reply. But it didn't make me feel better. Here you go (I'd mentioned that my head understood it wasn't personal, but that emotions don't listen to logic--he's referencing that).

"To clarify, I have no idea what will or will not end up being placed in my new office or where. I just know that the space is smaller and I am already at (or past) the threshold of clutter to make my current office comfortable and easy to keep clean. I am likely to cut as much as 35%-50% of the nick-nacks (sp?).

I’d imagine that this feels like a rejection and perhaps another abandonment. I hope that you can listen to your head that this is not personal, nor is the decision already made. I am glad to talk about this more on Friday as well."

Would be nice if he at least said he was sorry it was difficult or something. I don't even feel like I want to talk to him tomorrow. I hate how this is affecting me so much.

Except it is personal. It sounds like the fish is a very personal and precious expression for you. And he is calling that a nick nack. It's very reductive of your process and how you express meaning, no wonder you are hurt.

Thanks, Comrade. I was actually just having a similar thought about it being personal. If it means something to me and he knows that, then it's personal. If he acknowledged that more, it would help. Like to say that he'd try his best to find space for it because he knows it's important to me. The way he phrased it just makes it sound like a random item in his office, like you said.

If the fish is disposable, then am I disposable, too? Yes, I know it's not the same, but...

Your second paragraph contains a bit of a leap. Whilst he is not paying attention to your process, he is not discounting you as a whole. Having said that, maybe the discarding of the fish highlights the inherent fragility in all therapy and therapeutic relationships. Who knew one little fish could say so much? Oooo, also I wonder which part of you is represented by the fish.

(trigger for female medical stuff)

Yeah, I know it's a leap. And I know he's not discarding me. I think you're right though that it highlights the fragility of therapeutic relationships.

I do think some of this is about not having control, too. Like, the move is out of my control. He's had a few random days off lately,, without explanation of course. The fish maybe felt like some tiny area where I had control.

It feels like I'm a kid and my parents are moving, except that I never actually had that experience as a kid (which I know is rare). This is definitely some child part of me--perhaps what's represented by the fish?--but he doesn't work with that sort of thing at all.

I am thinking about trying to schedule a session with his backup, R, as she's good at working with that sort of thing (and will be moving, too). Dr. T would likely be fine with it, but I'll ask tomorrow. More to help process the move and why it's so hard for me than about the fish.

Yesterday the napowrimo.net prompt was to write a poem that begins with a line from another poem (not necessarily the first one), but then you go your own way with it. The poem I chose was Robert Frost's Birches, the 13th line if I remember right "You’d think the inner dome of heaven had fallen". I didn't know where I was going to go with it until I started and then all of a sudden I was writing about ending therapy. I think it's my best one since we started the challenge on Jan 17. Today I can't get started on anything! I suppose I can always fall back on writing about not knowing what to write about haha.

Hugs, Artie, I hope your results show that you won't need anything until then. And you deserve a nice lunch!

You mean him saying he is sorry that it is difficult for you? Does he usually do that for things that are his to handle but that you have some emotional thing about? If so, then maybe you all could talk about the change.

I would not apologize for the re-allotment of knick knack space in my own office. I think women are trained to apologize all the time for stuff they are not sorry for - and I don't think men are. I admit I don't like people giving me stuff to put in my office (and students try) but I stick it on the shelf and eventually throw it away - I never remember who gave it to me. Right now I have a tiny armadillo and a ceramic pineapple on my book shelf in my office for reasons that are a complete mystery to me at this point. It sounds like a good idea to talk to the other one rather than keep going on to the first guy about it.

He does tend to say "I'm sorry this is so difficult" or something like that. Good thought on talking about the change.

"The Armadillo and the Pineapple" sounds like either a novel or a country song. Now I'm curious as to where they came from. I have some items like that.

I imagine he has some items in his office (he has a *lot* of stuff) are similar in that he isn't sure how he acquired them. I guess the difference to me here is that he knows how he acquired the fish, and I'm sitting in front of him telling him that it's important to me. To me, that should take priority over some random tchotchke (sp?) with origin unknown that has been sitting on a shelf for 10 years.

I also know I have more of an attachment to objects than many or possibly even most people. Exhibit: my house. And I'd be more likely to keep something is someone gave it to me (though I've gotten better at letting go of that sort of thing). So if that's not a thing for him, maybe he just doesn't understand why it's important? I think R would get it.

Yes! He did sign to vacate. Actually, my sister became his power of attorney, so I assume she signed via notary. I don't know. But we are officially allowed to move now.

I know I probably can't keep the restraining order past the court date. I don't think she's dumb enough to do stuff once she's served. Truly, we just want her to leave us alone. But I'm pretty sure there will be lawsuits in our future because she enjoys taking people to court (it's free for her).

LT - If whatever reason he doesn't keep the fish, can you look at it that you just got a valuable piece of treasure? You get to keep something that was once his, lived in his space. I know it will be hard (would be hard for me too!), but if you saw it as a prize, maybe it might feel a little better?

Thanks, Scarlet, that's a good way to look at it.

This fish is your transitional object of f you want it.. Seems to solve.

Back from the dr, just picked up drive-thru tacos on the way home. Dr wasn't too awful; I mean this procedure is definitely not on my list of Favorite Things To Do or anything, but it wasn't terrible either. I'm happy I didn't bother with xanax this time, so h didn't have to take me.

Today has been a Day, but I bought two tickets for a raffle by one of my favourite YouTube artists last week, and found out tonight during her livestream that I'd won the set of handmade, hand picked watercolour paints.

Part of the proceeds from the raffle went to one of my favourite mental health charities, too.

I did not expect to win anything...so to get the top prize (in my mind) was very special indeed.

LT, why don’t you take possession of the fish? Use it as your ownership of a piece of the old office. Transitional object perhaps.

My therapist moved offices in the middle of things. Honestly, it wasn’t that difficult to adjust to. I remember the first session in the new office he took me on a tour (the new office had room for more therapists, etc.) The only odd thing was for that first session there, his personal office wasn’t quite ready, so we used someone else’s. But his new office was fine.

Remember, he has to make it his own, and it may be configured a bit differently so things won’t be physically exactly the same.That’s to be expected.

But bottom line, the most important thing for me was that HE was the same. Our work continued. Our relationship was exactly the same. Sometimes it is important to remember what parts of that relationship are most important.

Some things change, but the foundation of your work will remain.

Nuggets vs Lakers. Nuggets dont pull a lot of fouls so the game keeps moving. I really loved last weeks game. I read about them in the new yorker i think? The foreign guy is the real deal. Nikola Jokić. Ha! He just passed the ball behind his back! And then his teammate scored. Too funny.

AND -my tv just switched to español! I wasnt touching it! I think we had a power outage last night, i had no channels this morning. Now i cant adjust the picture or anything. And it thinks it is speaking english. i should be fluent in an hour!

An hour? Surely a savant like you only needs twenty minutes or so.