Couch 248: Curiouser and Curiouser

I think I get it, LT. At least the importance of having part of yourself in that space. There was one item, a selenite crystal, that I gave L. I wanted it in the corner of her window so that the light flowing in would produce the energy of the crystal: peace and calm, mental clarity, and well-being. She was hesitant and said something along the lines of she didn't want people to have any misleading thoughts about her. It stung so bad. She did accept it even when she came back. It was the first (and only so far) item I've given back to her. I, too, wouldn't have wanted it back. It was just a crystal. But it has so much more meaning than that. I wanted a place in there with her. And not accepting it felt like she wasn't accepting me.

I could be wrong in my understanding. But I do feel for you. It's hard being the client.

Thanks, Scarlet. I remembered that with you and L--wasn't she also worried about neighbors seeing it from outside or something like that? I felt for you then.

And I think this is very similar. It does feel like he's not accepting me in a way. And as I was attempting (unsuccessfully!) to get sleep, I also had tthe thought that I had given it to him for the thera-versary, to honor our work together. So now, in a way, it feels like he's dismissing that.

I also realized that at first, he said it was about a lack of physical space in the new office, which I do understand (hence my suggestion of something much smaller). Now, it seems, from what he's saying, to be mainly about his having control over how he decorates that space. It's almost like, "damn, the physical space thing didn't work, need to switch tactics." It feels like it is about me having a spot there, and he doesn't want to say it out loud (granted, that would hurt, but if it's the truth, I guess it's better I know).

Also, it occurs to me that years ago, sometime pre-pandemic, amidst the stone drama, he OK-ed me bringing in a tiny white shell I'd found on the beach to put in the sand tray (the tray is really small, maybe 5' x 8"). I brought the smallest, nondescript one I could because he said it would also need to be something he found aesthetically pleasing. it was so nondescript that I have no clue whether it's still there. He probably forgot about it. But he's seemed OK with my having some tiny presence in the office since then.

My thought if I gave the small fish would be something similar--though I imagine he wouldn't put it in the sand tray, as he seems like the sort who'd say only creatures that walk on land could go in there. But like an item to be amidst other items in a container rather than requiring a space on its own, as current fish does. To blend in more, I guess. I imagine if I mention the shell, he'd get rid of that, too, if it's even still there (sand tray also is on another side of the room--used to be next to me, but he moved it during the pandemic). Or he'd be like, "see, you're already in the office," but at the time, it was also meant to be in exchange for a new stone.

I don't know...