Therapist talks too much

I initially thought this new T was the best I’d ever had. However had a terrible session last week. I felt awful afterwards, it triggered my ancient feelings of shame. I don’t know what percentage of time the T talked for, it could be as much as 75 or 80%. It was all psychowaffle. But included reflections on the damage of my childhood emotional neglect. She didn’t put it in those words. I tried to stop her a couple of times, and introduced the subject that I wanted to talk about, but she somehow carried on. The immediate impact on me is that I feel suddenly less confident (it goes with the shame). Also it feels harder to contemplate talking to her about difficult stuff. It’s hard to now wait a week to see her again, not knowing how she will respond when I try to say something to her about it. She seems adaptable and responsive. I’m trying to find the best way to talk to her about this that will get the best out of her. One of my immediate thoughts after the session was that I’d wasted my money. I find therapists always think they need to be doing some greater task than ‘simply’ listening to and responding to the things a client brings. I think that that seemingly simple task seems virtually impossible for a T.

Hopefully your T would have reflected and wondered what was happening between you both in the room that caused her to talk more than it's usual for her..

Thanks, yes, she may well have reflected on it. I don’t know, but perhaps it was as much the content of what she said rather than the amount of time she spoke for that made it a horrible session for me. I did try to intervene. With hindsight I wish I’d been more assertive and direct. It felt rude to be more direct.

Therapy is a good place to be rude.

I really love that statement. However, I had a bad experience with my last long term therapist who I saw for two years. I have doubts that a therapist can take it. Perhaps this one is different. I hope she is.

You are paying for her time, in which you get a chance to talk about what you need to discuss.

If she is talking, she is wasting the time you are paying for.

Is there any way you could say something in writing rather than saying it out loud?

Thanks for the suggestion, but I feel able to talk to her out loud about all this, and I prefer to do that.

I discussed it with her at the next session. She was really surprised at what I said to her, it was a difficult session. Since then we’ve talked about it a bit more, but somehow not quite resolved the rupture. I can’t sleep properly. I like her a lot and I want to carry on seeing her, but on the other hand if I don’t start sleeping better I’m not going to be able to function at work. I’ve decided to quit. I find therapy so incredibly hard. I wish she had something like this when I’ve talked to her about the ‘rupture’: ‘ I don’t get everything right and I see now that I didn’t give you what you needed last week’. Instead she was a bit silent, and she came back the next week with some reflections about me, and I had the feeling that the source of our rupture was being placed firmly with me. I don’t know if my feeling was accurate. I wish she had been gentle and humble. I don’t know if I’ll ever try therapy again. I’ve 95% decided I’m going to quit.

Eeeek.. I remember a session whrn I said something to T and she reacted to it. The next session I brought it up and she apologised and said this was something from her past and she could have handled it better.. It still stung the memory, but she didn't put it on me..

That was great that she did that. I

I saw a therapist over a yr ago who wouldn't stop talking. I had panic attacks in her office every visit and shook like mad and I tried to explain to her about my life but she NEVER let me talk and she wouldn't stop talking so I never went back!
Last two therapists I saw last yr didn't say a word to me! One finally spoke and said "I'm not sure if I understand you or not" so I never went back! (Sounds like his education really paid off well!)

I've seen tons of therapists over last 35 yrs between Philly and Baltimore and they were ALL incompetent!!!
I was in therapy for 3 yrs with a woman who listened to me and who was very nice but she didn't help my anxiety or panic attacks at all! All she said was "You have to manage it!" and I had NO clue what she was talking about! (And deep breathing never helped.)
She had me doing things like walking, riding a bike and swimming and I couldn't stand any of it! And none of it helped my mood or energy at all! So I quit therapy! (My anhedonia has been really bad last 20 yrs and nothing gives me pleasure except music.) When I walk all I do is worry and obsess about my problems. Riding a bike just felt like work to me. And I used to swim every day for 8 yrs and it made me feel fantastic for 2 hrs afterwards then my mood went back to feeling horrible the rest of the day.)

I saw a psychiatrist in Baltimore few yrs ago and tried to get help for my acute anxiety (which I've been hospitalized for and gone to the ER for many times) and told her and she said "Have you made friends with your anxiety?" and I couldn't believe it! So I never went back!
I can't find ANY therapist or psychiatrist the last 15 yrs who will discuss dissociation, personality disorders or asbergers.
I've been in the mental health system 35 yrs with 28 hospitalizations, 5 ECT trials (37 treatments total), taken every psych med with 99.9% no relief and my conclusion is that the system doesn't work! I've been to every hospital between Philly and Baltimore since 1990 and all they did was abuse me and ignore me (because I can't do anything due to zero energy nor can I relate to people after dissociating in my teens/20s/30s) and now I have PTSD from the hospital!

I asked a top Senior Doc at Johns Hopkins (I was inpatient there 5 times, had ECT there twice and the wards were absolutely horrible and didn't help one bit) how much she knew about mood disorders and she said "Not much. Maybe we'll know more in 10 yrs." I don't have 10 years!
The system Johns Hopkins has on the wards are absolutely terrible (and I've written to them about that): You either see a Resident who does all the work and doesn't know what the hell they're doing or you see an Associate Dr and they change Drs every 2 wks so you don't get any consistent care or you see these worn-out experienced Senior Drs (with tons of education from all over the World) and a Resident every day and the Senior Drs don't give you ANY feedback whatsoever!

When I had ECT there in 2017 you would see a disgruntled Senior Dr every morning at 730AM for 5 minutes and he asked the SAME 4 questions every day: "How was your sleep?", "Do you think life is worth living?", "How's your appetite?' and one other stupid question then he would say "Go get your breakfast". He didn't want to know ANYTHING else like your history, past and current symptoms, meds you've taken, what brought you to the hospital, etc. I hallucinated and became delirious after the 5th ECT treatment so they stopped it. After a mth there (and zero progress with my mood/anxiety) I saw him one morning and said "I don't like it here!" and he said "Well...we'll discharge you" and he added "It's going to take a lot for you to make it in this World...". I would never go back to Johns Hopkins again (or Sheppard Pratt for that matter).

Sorry to hear your story, sounds like you’ve encountered many unhelpful therapists who couldn’t give you what you needed.

10 yrs ago I just figured out that I dissociated in my teens/20s/30s after doing some research and NO professional the last 10 yrs has wanted to talk about it or personality disorders or asbergers. (I had no idea what was happening to me between 13-45 yrs old.) I had all 4 stages of dissociation mainly being not being able to identify with myself. And I don't believe anybody knows anything about it. I told a Johns Hopkins resident (who I thought I had a connection with) in 2018 all about it and she didn't want to discuss it one bit.

And I saw the top Dr (with tons of education) at Johns Hopkins 3 yrs ago and told him that my dissociation and mood disorder in my teens damaged my personality because it took everything away from me that I had and told him I haven't felt the same ever since. He said "Damaged your personality???" and was totally dumbfounded and didn't say a word!
No one can help me anymore and I have no options left.