Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Yes, I was reading a recent advice column (I think on parenting?) where the writer said all of her friends track their teenage kids on their phones (using an app), and she was wondering whether she should keep doing this after her child went to college. And she mentioned that one friend still tracked her 24-year-old married daughter (maybe it's with her consent? I don't know). Which just seems screwed up.

My sister-in-law is able to use Find My Phone to locate where my mother-in-law is, but that's because she's in poor health and lives alone, and she also consented to it. I could have seen my mom wanting to track me if I was a teen/college student today, due to her anxiety.

I used to track H on his way home from work. You can track your Teslas within their app. I wanted to predict when he came home so dinner was ready about the same time. When I drove, he'd track me too. We're not jealous or controlling people or anything like that. I guess just nosey or curious?

About Clan of the Cave Bears: It's more like a woman's romance novel. Pretty cool because she actually did research on that period so it could be more accurate. My dad is actually the one who told me to read it. I feel I was too young for the sex stuff. I didn't even have sex Ed until the following year. Then I understood better what I was actually reading.

Y'all, I just feel so tired lately. Tired of working full time. I find myself a lot of days just plain not giving a **** anymore about work. I didn't make bonus for June, and I've already f'd myself out of July's bonus as well by not giving a carp and making stupid mistakes. Not major mistakes that are going to affect anyone's life/health, just dumb spelling errors that I lose quality points for so knock myself out of the ridiculously high quality range to get bonus. Sigh. I know it's mostly because I've gained SO much weight since February. My dr the other day when I had my normal thyroid follow-up told me he was "concerned". I told him I know, so am I, and that I signed up for the medical weight loss program offered through my insurance; I am having thorough blood work done on Friday morning to start that program and will work with a doctor and a dietician. I'll bet my thyroid is completely out of whack again. I don't know. I'm not sleeping well and I'm just so tired and sluggish all day long. All I really would like to do is lay on the couch and read/write poetry. I'm trying to force myself to be positive and upbeat and stuff but I'm failing. I'm also still feeling a lot of guilt about how I ended with L. I will be talking to the new temporary t (R) on Thursday. Hope she can help.

hugs/headnods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

Oh, I think tracking is fine if both people consent. When H used to go on runs (before he was injured), he'd set up his Garmin watch so that I could track him. That way, if he collapsed or something, I'd be able to figure it out and could send help. I was thinking of it more in terms of parents still trying to control or keep tabs on their college-age/young adult children. I could see needing something like that for our D when she's older, though, due to her autism and intellectual disability. Her school bus has a tracker, which is helpful.

I guess if both people are okay then fine but it concerns me that some people are so anxious or afraid or whatever that they think that tracking someone will do anything to really help the anxiety. To me -that is just adding to the problem. I don't want to be tracked or to track anybody. My father who is in his 80s still does 1/2 marathons and his spouse and my sibling both track his progress with worry. I figure if something happens someone will tell me and tracking him would do nothing at all to help.
For something like dinner - a text of I am on my way would do the same - to me.

My sons and I have/had shared tracking, not to keep an eye each other but when we were all living in the same house they would use it to see if I was on my way home or at the grocery. We’ve since turned mine off since I’m mostly not living there but they apparently still track each other to see if one other other is at school/work/etc. It was just a mutual convenience. We did turn it on during a recent trip, which was helpful.

I do remember a couple host families wanting to put Life360 on their young adult exchange student phones. The students had been living alone for a year or more in a big city, so I mentioned (politely) I didn’t think it was necessary and in my experience students manage to navigate pretty well communicating by text. The host parents were upset by that. But they only had young children, so I expect they were still in supervision mode and hadn’t had the opportunity to navigate increasing freedoms for young folk.

Here's an interesting site about self-compassion that L shared with me. I found it interesting, but personally, a little hard to grasp. Maybe because my definition is slightly different? Or because I don't have compassion for myself? Eh.

Exploring the Meaning of Self-Compassion and Its Importance

I really appreciate you bringing this here, Scarlet.

Kristin Neff's work is something I have intended on delving into for some time, but life happens and it slips my mind.

I guess what some people see as convenience - I see as a slippery slope to 1984 and Brave New World. I still do a lot of things that my students see as inconvenient. I cannot think of a single reason I would have had in high school or college for letting my sibling know where I was or where he was or where our parents were - It is truly a concept I just don't understand. Just thinking about it makes me feel both trapped and oddly responsible for knowing where everyone is at any given time although I would have no use for that information. I prefer the freedom of not knowing and the freedom that I could not be found. I never use venmo or whatever the other money things. I refuse to shop at places that won't take cash. I hate all the cameras taping people all the time. I refuse to use power points or give students the videos of lectures. As much as I like a computer, ipad, and cell phone - I am very grateful they didn't come along until I was old. I don't think they are helping young people or their parents at all. I am glad to be old. You kids get off my lawn - I have to dig it up to hide my cash. I don't keep it all under my mattress.

If my spouse ever asked if I could turn on location services so he can track me-I would laugh at him. Honestly.

I was watching a rerun of frasier and Lilith (the reason I was watching) had this dialogue

Dr. Lilith Sternin : Brian has been a dutiful suitor for some time and I am convinced to within an acceptable margin of error that he loves me.

And I know I have said this sort of thing about my partners. I probably even said it to them. It is the most accurate way of describing things to me. I know others don't all see it that way (the laugh track pointed it out on the tv show)- but to me -that is pretty intimate. And I always found Lilith sort of hot. Just trying to put my oddities into a perspective.

Yes well lilith would have been well served had she had a tracker on brian. Didnt he marry their decorator or something?

Just... i dont think jd vance is going to last the week. Or not til november. It just feels like a mistake to me. I dont know why. A quick decision that is going to be remade. JD is a creampuff - who could object to him? He will substitute one of the Steves at the last minute- bannon or that one creepy guy. Stephen Miller. Or where is Mike Pompeo?

Hugs, Artie. Please try not to be so hard on yourself, both about work and the weight. Didn't your job duties change fairly recently? You're likely still adapting. And it sounds miserable to be tracked that closely. Is a different job a possibility?

For one of my editing contracts (the newest one--I have several), they read behind everything I do and nearly always have some list of stuff I missed. And it's never "Oh, good job catching these 100 things": it's "you missed these 3 weird style points we have." Well, some are more careless errors, but the style is really complicated. It really makes me not want to do the work for them, as I'm just thinking, "Well, I'm sure I'm going to F something up in this one." Though I've gotten more to an "eh, it's good enough" point. I need to look for a replacement contract for that.

As for the weight, if it happened that quickly, it seems like it's probably some sort of hormonal issue, like maybe your thyroid, as you said. I hope the program helps.

Thanks, LT. I really appreciate the hugs and your thoughts. I think at this point with retirement not that far off I'm probably better off just sticking it out. I dunno. I'm hoping part of the weight thing is my thyroid, time will tell and all that. One of my friends did a medical weight loss program prior to having bariatric surgery, she had to lose x-amount of weight before having the surgery, and she was able to with the program, so I'm hopeful. She's been doing really well.

I'm sorry that one contract is so picky. I'll bet that's hard when they ignore like you said the hundred things you catch, and focus only on a couple unusual style points. I applaud you for being able to do contract work - that's not something I'd be able to do. H's job is basically the same thing, and he handles it fine too, but I really don't think I could.

Today I was able to see an area of a botanical garden I love from a new vantage point.

My support worker helped me get into the Japanese garden area, then we found another way to get to the hut.

I couldn't go in because the wooden steps looked a little dodgy to me, but I made it further than I thought I would.

Seems as if the core workout I've been doing has paid off.

So i did a bunch of stuff today! Took a shower, took deliveries, took down trash, and took my pee medicine late, so i will be up for a while yet tonight.

Frasier analogies are the best way to explain yourself to the Couch.

I quite liked Lilith, but I prefer to think of myself as the father, sitting in his chair and making caustic but sensible observations on life.

And your little dog, too!

Anyday is a good day when you can quote from the Wizard of Oz.

Today's session was an effing mess.

I should have one more in person session with R before she goes on leave for two weeks, and we resume virtually in August.

I feel like she's already in vacation mode, when I really need her to be on form.

This couldn't be further from same ****, different session.

Martin was great and often quite funny. Excellent foil to Frasier (and Niles).