Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Jersey 4 · Jul 22, 2024 at 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

A healthy human being should be able to manage more than one social thing in a day, right?

I'm attending a new-to-me online grief group tonight, where I won't know anyone.

This morning I went for a walk and then popped into a shop, where we ran into friends and ended up going for coffee. I could feel my social battery depleting by the second.

We sat there for an hour before the thought 'I need to get out of here' crossed my mind.
Shortly after that, we left.

Is this normal, or 'normal for someone who's going through a lot'?

It’s definitely normal. Even if someone is not going through a lot. I’m an introvert. My circle is very small. A couple hours spent with one friend at a time is enough for a very long time. Even if I have to run an errand, I do it as early as possible where places are less crowded. My current profession does not have co-workers. It’s the best for me to not have to talk with anyone all day. I mean..I have to talk to a tiny child or two but my current child is only 8 months so our conversations are one sided and short. Haha. When I’m going through a lot of stuff there is a long time where not even engage my circle through text message because even that feels like a lot. I get it.

Jersey 4 · Jul 22, 2024 at 06:09 AM

ATAT- Ireland if you haven’t been there yet.

Jersey 4 · Jul 22, 2024 at 06:11 AM

LT-I’m glad the R session was helpful. On the past life stuff…

LonesomeTonight · Jul 22, 2024 at 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

LT-I’m glad the R session was helpful. On the past life stuff…

Thanks, Jersey! I did mention it to Dr. T in our Friday session, and he gave a little smile--one of the few positive points in what felt like a rough session (he was out of town, but the one I had Monday felt OK, so don't think it was just that). Hoping today's, which will be in person, is better.

I *think* this is the last week in the old office, but who knows? Sounds like if they need to stay longer, he may need to squat there illegally, unless he can work out something with the building management. But on Friday, he found out their construction permit was mostly approved, and they were resubmitting the remaining bit that day. Though then he'll have to schedule the workers, who have a few more days of work left, I think, once that's set.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 22, 2024 at 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

It’s definitely normal. Even if someone is not going through a lot. I’m an introvert. My circle is very small. A couple hours spent with one friend at a time is enough for a very long time. Even if I have to run an errand, I do it as early as possible where places are less crowded. My current profession does not have co-workers. It’s the best for me to not have to talk with anyone all day. I mean..I have to talk to a tiny child or two but my current child is only 8 months so our conversations are one sided and short. Haha. When I’m going through a lot of stuff there is a long time where not even engage my circle through text message because even that feels like a lot. I get it.

Ha to your one-sided and short conversations with your "co-worker"! Despite being an introvert, I do miss being in an office sometimes--the good friend I saw for lunch last week, I met at work about 15 years ago. I feel sort of isolated now in that sense.

I think my ideal job (if I switch back to full time) would involve maybe 1 or 2 days in an office each week, the rest remote. And flexible hours. But I could be looking for a unicorn (not ready for that search yet).

I do think I need to replace one of my freelance gigs, because they just switched the turnaround time for articles from 2 days to 1, when it had been 4 days about a year ago (we can take longer for more complex articles). At least it's not the one that's constantly giving me feedback on all the stuff I miss. The third one actually praises my work and pays decently, so sticking with that one as long as they'll have me!

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 22, 2024 at 10:58 AM

It seems very strange to give you 24 hours to write something and get it to them...if they're also shooting for quality content?

Jersey 4 · Jul 22, 2024 at 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Ha to your one-sided and short conversations with your "co-worker"! Despite being an introvert, I do miss being in an office sometimes--the good friend I saw for lunch last week, I met at work about 15 years ago. I feel sort of isolated now in that sense.

I think my ideal job (if I switch back to full time) would involve maybe 1 or 2 days in an office each week, the rest remote. And flexible hours. But I could be looking for a unicorn (not ready for that search yet).

I do think I need to replace one of my freelance gigs, because they just switched the turnaround time for articles from 2 days to 1, when it had been 4 days about a year ago (we can take longer for more complex articles). At least it's not the one that's constantly giving me feedback on all the stuff I miss. The third one actually praises my work and pays decently, so sticking with that one as long as they'll have me!

That’s the best part about being your own boss. You can just replace them.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 22, 2024 at 12:17 PM

I am so fed up of processing 'big feelings' physically.

My chest hurts when I cry, and it seems as though my chest hurts when I 'cannot' cry.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 22, 2024 at 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

It seems very strange to give you 24 hours to write something and get it to them...if they're also shooting for quality content?

To clarify, it's copy editing, but still. Many of them are like 35-page Word documents (and not double-spaced either). A fair number of pages can be taken up by references and tables, but I have to format those, too. And query about missing info in references (like if there's no publisher location or editors for an edited book).

But it makes me think of when I worked for a science journal publisher years ago when they shortened the time window. So the copy editors were just told to do the basics and not read very closely. I figured that would lead us to losing the contract, and I was eventually correct (though I left before that happened--that was a regular full-time job).

LonesomeTonight · Jul 22, 2024 at 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

I am so fed up of processing 'big feelings' physically.

My chest hurts when I cry, and it seems as though my chest hurts when I 'cannot' cry.

Hugs, Lost. I can get a similar achy chest feeling at times from emotions. It's difficult.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 22, 2024 at 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

That’s the best part about being your own boss. You can just replace them.

True! But I've been working for them for a long time, and I work on two accounts there. So not sure if I can cut one without the other. I imagine I could get better pay elsewhere, but now I need to actually look!

I have thought about starting my own copy-editing business--to really be self-employed--but not sure how I'd get it off the ground. I suppose I could try doing that while still having these contracts, see what happens. Then I could set my own rates.

Or I'd like to copy edit books instead, like textbooks, so they'd be longer-term projects. It seems like, from my searching in the past, they want you to already have book experience...you'd think my 20 years of copy editing science journals (and some other stuff) would count for something... I guess worth a try. Or they want people to work on site.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 22, 2024 at 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

To clarify, it's copy editing, but still. Many of them are like 35-page Word documents (and not double-spaced either).

But it makes me think of when I worked for a science journal publisher years ago when they shortened the time window. So the copy editors were just told to do the basics and not read very closely. I figured that would lead us to losing the contract, and I was eventually correct (though I left before that happened--that was a regular full-time job).

Yuck.

All editing is precision in my book.

Seems odd that they couldn't acknowledge that.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 22, 2024 at 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Yuck.

All editing is precision in my book.

Seems odd that they couldn't acknowledge that.

Agreed---the actual company that owns the journals--rather than the publishing company I work for--apparently just wants them to appear online/in print as quickly as possible. But to me, it makes both the journal and the authors look bad if it's sloppy.

And honestly, some of these are in fairly rough shape when I get them. I had to start a long time at a few sentences in the one I just edited to figure out what to even suggest as a rewrite. And I can't just be like, "What the heck (or stronger) are you trying to say here?"

Well, I suppose using that as a query would be one way to not have to worry about this job anymore, but not the way I'd want to go out!

Lemoncake · Jul 22, 2024 at 02:12 PM

So I also shouldn’t buy an extra ticket for SD to the Charles Dickens Festival in Port Jefferson or any American civil war reenactments group events. Got it!

Lemoncake · Jul 22, 2024 at 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Ha to your one-sided and short conversations with your "co-worker"! Despite being an introvert, I do miss being in an office sometimes--the good friend I saw for lunch last week, I met at work about 15 years ago. I feel sort of isolated now in that sense.

I think my ideal job (if I switch back to full time) would involve maybe 1 or 2 days in an office each week, the rest remote. And flexible hours. But I could be looking for a unicorn (not ready for that search yet).

Maybe you could try to find a forum for editors or have a look on Reddit for advice. Perhaps also just email someone local and ask if they could mentor you.

Could joining a co working place to get work done instead of staying home work for you? . Or maybe you could go out to work at a coffee shop. Even there you have the same staff you could chat to.. So it could help with isolation. I tipped £2 once at Starbucks and the manager automatically became a golden retriever.

Lemoncake · Jul 22, 2024 at 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

I am so fed up of processing 'big feelings' physically.

My chest hurts when I cry, and it seems as though my chest hurts when I 'cannot' cry.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Have you talked to R before about these physical sensations? Have you found anything that helps ease these sensations, even a little? Sometimes, different breathing exercises, or physical activities can make a difference.

Perhaps blind distraction could help. Watch a movie or two just to give yourself some space to deal with them later.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 22, 2024 at 03:12 PM

Thanks, Cake.

There are things that help.
Unfortunately, dealing with the feelings later is kind of the problem.

I'm still figuring out what my support system looks like without Steve, as well as so many other things.

R's decision to go online for the month of August makes the conversations I need to have emotionally unsafe.

So, I'm going to have to talk about something else for a while.

I'm thankful to have the helpline and other grief specific online spaces, but nothing compensates for her presence and how that helps me to regulate.

Jersey 4 · Jul 22, 2024 at 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

True! But I've been working for them for a long time, and I work on two accounts there. So not sure if I can cut one without the other. I imagine I could get better pay elsewhere, but now I need to actually look!

I have thought about starting my own copy-editing business--to really be self-employed--but not sure how I'd get it off the ground. I suppose I could try doing that while still having these contracts, see what happens. Then I could set my own rates.

Or I'd like to copy edit books instead, like textbooks, so they'd be longer-term projects. It seems like, from my searching in the past, they want you to already have book experience...you'd think my 20 years of copy editing science journals (and some other stuff) would count for something... I guess worth a try. Or they want people to work on site.

I think you can consult a business coach or an attorney to find out. I imagine you have to come up with some sort of actual business plan? Then deal with marketing? Trademarks? I don’t know if you will need an employer I.D number for yourself? If so-the IRS can provide that with a simple form. But definitely start with a consult from an attorney or business consultant.

atisketatasket · 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

for me it's just I don't like violent dystopian TV shows.

You can’t watch one if you live in one. As we do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

ETA - So i had a day today. New rule - i have to make a VISIBLE change in the orderliness of my home, every day. Today i took down recycles, got groceries, and peed.

What, no No. 2? I worry about you.

unaluna · Jul 22, 2024 at 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

What, no No. 2? I worry about you.

Im an excellent pooper!
No, i schedule taking my diuretic every other day on my calendar, otherwise i feel yucky and dont know why.

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Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

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Jersey 4 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: NJ Posts: 1,354 5 1,295 hugs given	Jul 22, 2024 at 06:09 AM #502 ATAT- Ireland if you haven’t been there yet.

Jersey 4 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: NJ Posts: 1,354 5 1,295 hugs given	Jul 22, 2024 at 06:11 AM #503 LT-I’m glad the R session was helpful. On the past life stuff…

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,948 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.5k hugs given	Jul 22, 2024 at 02:12 PM #514 So I also shouldn’t buy an extra ticket for SD to the Charles Dickens Festival in Port Jefferson or any American civil war reenactments group events. Got it! __________________