Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Couch Workout Club day 5

Another three sets of my exercises, in spite of feeling sub-par mentally.

If the $2100 includes the $400 junk fee then it is different.

Dad owes $400 plus one third of the remaining move out fee of $1700 which is $567. So dad owes $967 total.

The remainder of the move out fee which you and H are responsible for is $1133. Subtracting the $500 deposit leaves $633 that you need to pay.

I think that should be correct based on the new info you provided.

I thought that was you all by your lonesome?

The daily refried bean brunch has not been helping matters.

For ex hankster: ‘Yorkshire apostrophe’ row raises bigger question: do we even need them? | Yorkshire | The Guardian.

Ahead of her time, as always.

Because the apostrophe is implied in spoken Yorkshire dialect, I have never given much thought to how it might be written down.

I definitely think there's a good argument for keeping it.

"'head uv my time, i yam!"

Us Derbyshire folk are far more efficient with our language. No need for apostrophes or contractions, our minds are on more important matters like whether Bakewell tart should be served cold or warm. "Gerrit in bin duckie" Is all we need. Simple. Like us.

LT, I didnt read all the Dr. T posts. I saw the session wasn’t great and how a week away may help you decide what to do going forward. I’m wondering if after the week away..if reducing sessions will help. Like maybe not completely walking away but perhaps only 1 a week. I often wonder if it’s just too much to go more than once a week because then it’s not giving you enough space to process what went on the previous session. Like it’s just endless processing and always just anticipating the next session just a couple of days away. It’s like it doesn’t give you time to just slow down a little before the next one. You know?

Oh freudians.

Have you heard of beano?

@LonesomeTonight, I know R rents office space from Dr T, but I'm not sure that gives him the right to forbid her to work with you!?

If you want to have her as your therapist and she wants to work with you as her client, that should be good enough.

The only downside I can see is maybe the potential for running into him when you're there to see R, that could be awkward perhaps, but if you can live with that, I don't see it as a conflict of interest.

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Thanks, Jersey. I do think I'm probably keeping my Monday appointment now (we had a brief email exchange). But I was having a similar thought about dropping at least to twice a week for now (I generally go three times--was working on reducing at one point, then life stuff happened), then maybe one sometime in the future. What you mention is part of it, but his not being particularly available lately made me realize that I've become dependent on his availability. And I don't want to be that way.

One part of the exchange (just one email each--well, aside from a thanks email from me) was also about working on other ways to help me cope with strong emotions. Which is something I'd realized on my own (as I'd tried many things that weren't working), but he also mentioned. So we're going to talk about that. It could involve, say, my going to a DBT group and/or focusing on other methods.

Maybe in some way, this whole experience will ultimately help me to move forward and become better at coping on my own and with the support of those in my outside life (though I did get lots of support on here and from a couple friends this past week). Like it's serving as a wake-up call that relying on him (and R) is not a long-term, fail-proof strategy.

Thanks, East. I know he said at one point that it would inappropriate for her to work with me if I stopped seeing him. He's also said it would damage their relationship, which, I mean, I don't really care about? I just think she might defer to him if he didn't want her to work with me. I may be wrong. I probably should have asked her about it during our session--and I was tempted to email her about it yesterday after my session, but didn't (note that they don't have my permission to talk about me--they did early on, but I formally rescinded it).

But I agree that he shouldn't be able to forbid my seeing her. I feel he should ideally want what's best for me--he's said that before, if I wanted to switch to a different T in general. But he seems to have some hangup about me working with her in particular.

Oh, in our exchange today, he did admit that part of the blame is on him for not talking to me about his concerns regarding her sooner. So that's something, I guess...

Would you deny me the only pleasure remaining in my pitiful life?

What are your goals for therapy in general?

Three times a week is very intense, more common in traditional psychoanalysis or psychodynamic.Unless you are in an active crisis mode, you need to see that you already are capable of dealing with your emotions.

I do think session reduction would be beneficial and teach you resilience, but also confidence in yourself .

You can learn some aspects of DBT like grounding and self soothing techniques on YouTube too instead of waiting to start a class.

You just need to start building up your window of tolerance to distress, before emailing him. This is not impossible.

Thanks, Lemon. The three times started very early in the pandemic, when I was struggling to cope and most of my usual outlets weren't available to me. And I've started reducing at various times, then, again, things happened.

I'd actually been doing considerably better lately (like the past year really) with coping without emailing him or asking for an extra session (he had commented on this, too). Something about the move was just really triggering to me, and then it all extended a month longer than it was supposed to do.

He actually said he thinks I may have been a mixed episode, which makes me wonder if I should revisit a possible bipolar II diagnosis (saying bipolar II because I wouldn't meet the criteria for regular mania, after reading about it again to make sure). And it's making me think back to other times when I struggled to cope and wondering whether that could have been what was going on? I mean, times where it became really intense. Where I'm depressed but also very agitated and anxious (and have lots of trouble sleeping). Thinking even of times going back to my teens.

So I'm going to look into a psychiatrist again, too.

Sweetie, your bean-related emissions have lit many a lamp for others.

I worry about both of you.

If it helps, LT, I went from 3 to two sessions last fall. I'm not going to say there aren't times I miss the third session, but overall it's been ok. And I have really no outside support system that I can fall back on. I think you could be fine with it after an adjustment period. It seems like there's been a lot of conflict lately between you two. Maybe a little more space between sessions would actually help your relationship.

Thanks, NP. It helps to know that you've mostly managed OK with the change. Out of curiosity, what days do you have sessions?

I do wonder if there's too much familiarity between Dr. T and me. Thinking of the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." Well, and "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Maybe he and I can figure out a plan together for me to reduce sessions. I mean, there are already a few weeks at the end of this month/early September where it will need to be twice due to our respective vacations/holidays. So I could see how things go then. And maybe we spend some time getting tools in place for me before I make that switch (for weeks when 3x would work out).

There's also the factor that H wants to look for a new job (he's waiting until the end of the year--in part because he's having another surgery next month, which will end up free on this plan), and if we end up on a different insurance plan, they may object to 3x a week or may reimburse considerably less. I'd rather make the switch on my own than be forced to do so.