Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Oh yes, professional validation is definitely a thing! It's great when it is validating, but not so much if the third party begins to pick holes in the previous therapy relationship.....

This is happening a little now with myself and current T over my TR with former T... It's uncomfortable to say the least.

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When I shopped around for Ts the last few months, I always was put off when they would criticizes my T. Like, I know my stance on things, whenever we disagree we will talk it out, so anything I tell to other people are my own thoughts or believes.


Current second T is supportive whenever I bring up T and doesn't outright question him, he might say something like "there's different opinions and that's fine".

My tonsils have a problem... not sure what, thought it was tonsillitis, but went to the doctor yesterday, they tested me, I have 0 symptoms besides lots white discharge on the tonsils. No pain, no fever, no infection, no swollen tonsils, no nothing. He transferred me to a specialist now, but he said it's "normal" and "most probably will go away on it's own". If it's normal, why do I find absolutely zero people who have ever had anything similar...

CNS, maybe its tonsil stones? Those sound so... prehistoric.

I was noticing that too!

Thanks for the suggestion, but no. I get those regularly and this is different. Doc said it consists of the same stuff as the stones, but I can't imagine why within half a day a huge amount would suddenly pop up (since I have the stones so often, I check my tonsils daily, so it wasn't there for even a day).

I get that. The thing with Dr. T is, he's not going to say something just because I want to hear it if it's not true. So I do trust when he says it that he means it. I do think back with suspicion on some things ex-MC has said, as he seems more the "tell people what they want to hear" type.

Hive mind 😜!

I hope the specialist can help give you an answer.

"Yes, boss."

Isnt feeling so distraught over the delay a little like the woman in love with an alarm clock? I say this as someone who cant take out her trash or recycleables and sleeps surrounded by piles of them. Im attached to them. I had to READ a book about attachment, about 15 years ago now, to figure out what was missing in my life. That is beyond pathetic.

My life was/is like the twilight zone episode with ann jillian.

Hm, that is really odd. I hope they can figure out what it is and that it's easily fixable. If they were swollen or you had other symptoms, I'd ask if they'd checked into mononucleosis, as that involved a lot of, well, white stuff. But mine were incredibly swollen when I had that (to the point that I needed steroids so that I could eat anything non-liquid). Plus I was exhausted. Maybe you have a milder version.

Yikes, i wasnt expecting responses! I dont even know what normal time is anymore! But i guess this is! Duh!

Yes, I had a similar issue a couple times when I considered replacing Dr. T. Two potential T's (at different times) said he shouldn't even be a therapist. I know a few people on here have said or implied that, but it's different when a T I'd have potentially worked with to says it. At first, it felt really validating when they said it, but as I thought about it, it wouldn't have been overly helpful in the long run if that was their opinion of him.

It's like if you split up with a spouse or a long-term partner and someone said, "Well, you never should have been together anyway" or "I never liked him." It can seem validating, but it's also very black and white. Because in a way, it feels like, "What was wrong with you to stay with this person so long?" Relationships are more complicated than that.

One thing I appreciate about my R (Dr. T's backup, who I'm seeing for one session next week) is that she can be a little critical or questioning of some things he's said or done while still clearly respecting him as a T and my decision to keep seeing him. I mean, granted, she leases space from him, so I don't think she'd want to be like, "Wow, he totally sucks," but I think it's more that she sees the layers of complexity in relationships. That she'd be the same if I were talking to her about another T she'd never met.

The students' showcase is tomorrow.

My colleague has invited me to read one of my poems as well.

It's a piece I love, and under normal circumstances (as 'Professional Lost') I would relish the opportunity to memorise and then recite it.

At the moment I feel like I'm going to need the piece of paper.

People have the impression that grief is one thing...and I'm learning that it really isn't.

What does this mean?

This happened recently with the guy I see for meds. We also basically have a therapy session when we meet to discuss medication. He said my ex was a schmuck. While it was validating, and I agree, I also thought "what does that say about me that I stayed with this schmuck for so long".

Speaking of meds, has anyone tried Cymbalta/duloxetine? Did it make you doze off a few hours after taking it and does that eventually go away?

I dont understand why you dont understand me. I watch court tv. Those guys major in non-sequiturs. And frankly i think my post was totally sequitur.

T isn't one to judge another person who she doesn't know. I don't think she's ever judged ex-T and even when I consult with her about L, she focuses her response about me and what I can do. She always keeps a positive attitude (which can be annoying sometimes).

L has judged ex-T. She says things like ex-T makes her angry that she couldn't handle her own transference. Or that I can slam a door with her and she won't get mad. I never thought she was insulting me by being with ex-T for any amount of time. I think she was just validating my experience. She doesn't know very many positive good things from ex-T, but that's because I wasn't able to hold onto any after ex-T left. L does encourage me to talk to T when I'm having a hard time. And she wants me, one day to try to work things through with J.

Dr. T's backup is R, but my regular T's/MC have been a B and two D's. Hence my not using first initials, as I'd have confused myself and everyone else if I were using "D" (though I suppose they could have been D1 and D2 or something).

Hugs, Lost. Nothing wrong with having the piece of paper, even as just a backup in case you need it. I do think grief can be very complicated.