Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Thanks, Lost. Hugs to you as well--I know you're going through a rough time. Hugs to anyone who wants.

I actually just told my friend that the fish probably suffered an unfortunate accident during the move. Like, "Whoops! It broke. Sorry." I sincerely doubt it will end up in the new space--maybe he'd have tried before (still bad odds), but now that I scheduled with R, feels more doubtful.

Hope he gets back to normal soon.

Thanks - he should - I don't know who gets more stressed about him at the vet -me or him. Probably me. But at least they haven't asked me to stay out of the examination room like they have a friend of mine

@LonesomeTonight, I totally get how frustrating and upsetting it can be when a T's attention is distracted by someone else in a session you are paying for. I've had this happen on more than one occasion. It's difficult to know whether to confront them about it or let it go. On the one hand, saying nothing feels like you're letting them get away with behaviour that is disrespectful, on the other hand it's a potential cause for a rupture.

On reading the posts further down the thread, it seems you are in a rupture with Dr T anyway, with regards to the scheduling of a session with R.

Many therapists here in the UK don't like a client seeing more than one T at once, sometimes not even for totally unrelated issues, such as EMDR, but I understand it's slightly different where you are, and as Dr T has previously been okay about you consulting with R, it seems a bit strange that suddenly he isn't. I hope you can ask R if she would be willing to be your primary T if things go south with Dr T, and that you are able to have a frank discussion with him about his apparent change of heart. It's not fair of him to suddenly move the goalposts especially if he isn't able to be available when you are struggling. I would really take issue with him over that, but I get how difficult a conversation this could be for you.

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk

Thanks, East. I do think the moving of the goalposts is a big part of my issue here. Along with his not being available when I need support, but objecting to me seeing someone who is available. Like my struggles need to fit neatly into his schedule.

I do think I need to have some difficult conversations with both Dr. T and R. It would help to know what R is and isn't willing to do, if I were to have a major rupture with Dr. T (not sure yet whether I'm in one now)--could she see me for a bit? Or would she not do that because she thinks it would bother him?

To clarify, she rents space from him, but it's not a group practice--they're all solo practitioners.

I'm just not sure what happened...maybe it's that I mentioned a bit of attachment to R at a recent session with Dr. T? I struggle when rules seem to change in a relationship without any sort of warning or explanation...it really triggers my insecure/anxious attachment.

Getting a little uh whats the word territorial? Maybe your not the only ancient historienne on the couch!

Thanks for clearing it up @.

I thought :
Gremlins from the movie.
Pinto = Pinto beans
Vegas = Las Vegas

Odd combination, but within the acceptable limit for Una.

Yes - I was on the same wavelength, Cake.

Meeting with R (virtually) in 3.5 hours. Pocket riders welcome. She's been so warm and friendly in all her correspondence.

I'm just unsure what to talk about now because Dr. T's reaction to my scheduling with her and my reaction to that feels like it's overshadowing all the move stuff that I was originally going to talk about. But I don't know that I should talk about that phone call with her. I guess I'll just see how it goes and what I'm feeling...

I'm in, LT.

So sorry that Dr. T's whims and foibles are preventing you from talking about the stuff you need to talk about in session.

It sucks when therapy becomes about how the therapist's 'stuff' affects us.

Thanks, Lost. And yes, it does suck when that happens.

I wish I could go back in time and not have requested the session with R. Well, really, I wish I could return to Sunday and not have chosen to use the bathroom after session, as that's when I saw Dr. T shut the waiting room door, and it triggered a bunch of other stuff.

I understand a bit more now - thank you.

It's almost like he was physically 'shutting you out'....so I can really appreciate why that would hurt. Now, rather than seeking to repair that, he's somehow doubling down.

I hope R is helpful.

Yes, and in the email Monday morning, he said he didn't realize it was me and was just shutting the door to take another client back. But I thought we briefly made eye contact. Maybe it just didn't register for him.

So yes, it was like he was shutting me out and also ignoring me. Which may have been by accident, but still... I do wonder if he thought my wanting to see R was solely about that. I clarified in one email to him yesterday (in response to his saying he'd prefer I not see her) that it's about more than what I'd emailed him Sunday about.


And thanks, Lost.

Though it’s painful, I do think R can help provide you with more support based on what you’ve written about her previously.

Thanks, Lemon. I think you're right. But I'm struggling knowing Dr. T initially didn't want me to meet with her and that I'm probably going to be extremely limited in how often I can see her going forward. So, if she does really help, it's rather bittersweet.

So I'm pretty sure I'm having a major depressive episode. I haven't been on psych meds for a couple years, but Zoloft helped me before. There's a site where you can provide info about your symptoms and medical history, plus a request for a particular medication (no controlled substances), then they'll send it to the pharmacy (so it's legit medication, and insurance will cover the medication itself). They have apparently already sent it to the pharmacy.

I do think some of this may be hormone-related, as I'm in perimenopause. I was reading on one site how the most common age for women to experience hormone-related major depression is 45-49. I'm right in the middle of that. So maybe that's part of what's going on? Bonus that SSRIs are supposed to help with hot flashes, which have been affecting me lately (my sleep in particular). So, fingers crossed this helps some...

I do wish Dr. T might have registered that this could be a depressive episode, as I've dealt with them before, including earlier on while seeing him...

Glad to hear you're covering all bases, LT.

If there is a hormonal component then it's good to have something else to help.

Thanks, Lost. Sorta wish I'd looked into this more sooner, but at least I'm doing so now.