T helping with social interactions outside of session

ChickenNoodleSoup · Jul 15, 2024 at 11:02 AM

How would you feel about a T accompanying you to some social situation where you'd need support but don't have buddies to take with you? Not like just a sports competition (though ofc comments on that are welcome too), but where you have to deal with some potential arguments and so on.

My T today suggested that he might be able to help in something like that, and while it sounds incredibly nice and helpful, I'm just not sure what others think...

unaluna · Jul 15, 2024 at 11:27 AM

Not quite the same thing, but i wanted to marry a couple of my ts so that they would stand up for me at family dinners and tell them that i am too okay and that THEY are the goofs.

So... why was i going where i was obviously not wanted. It's hard. It occurs to me that Jesus needed a t to argue for him. Or a lawyer?

LonesomeTonight · Jul 15, 2024 at 03:13 PM

Oh, interesting. I have thought before that I wish my T could have come with me for at least part of some family functions, in part as support, and in part to see that what I'm saying about my family (my parents mainly) isn't just in my head. Though I know he couldn't actually do that. Or maybe just, say, sit a table or two away from us at a family dinner in a restaurant and observe.

I think it would depend on what the event was and what my T would be doing, I think?

stopdog · Jul 15, 2024 at 03:22 PM

To me such a thing would be a horrible nightmare. I cannot imagine any situation where having a therapist there would help. In fact, I can't think of any situation that having a therapist there wouldn't make worse.

Having said that, that one I hired just out of the blue one time offered to come to something- I think I asked if she had gone mad. But she did offer so it seems to be a thing for them I suppose.

Deejay14 · Jul 15, 2024 at 07:20 PM

I do not think that this is a good idea. Therapists in my opinion should not be going to an event such as this. It is a big blur of boundaries. Boundaries are in pI ace for your safety. I would hope she would believe you without having to see the proof.

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 15, 2024 at 10:20 PM

I agree with Deejay. For me, it would blur the boundaries too much. Plus, I'm already terrified to see her outside the office. We have a deal that she has to be in the office 15mins before session, so I don't run into her in the parking lot. That's how scared I am. We talked about trying to go for a walk back during year one. It wouldn't work for either of us. She said she'd be too distracted and too worried about my confidentiality.

If you do decide to try it, make sure all of you wants it and that you are aware of how it might affect you and the relationship.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Jul 16, 2024 at 08:07 AM

Thanks all of you.

I too think it's a bit weird on some hand, I am sure normal T would never agree to such a thing. On the other hand, it's not about "understanding" or "observing" anything, it'd be more something like exposure, just that other people are around. I'm still thinking about it, I don't think boundaries would be a big issue in this case given the circumstances (sorry for being vague, I don't really feel comfortable sharing more). But thanks for all your input!

Edit: for what it's worth, the forensic T gave a similar suggestions when I first saw him, so it seems it'd at least be kind of ethical (that guy is a walking ethics board if I've ever seen one).

LonesomeTonight · Jul 16, 2024 at 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

Thanks all of you.

I too think it's a bit weird on some hand, I am sure normal T would never agree to such a thing. On the other hand, it's not about "understanding" or "observing" anything, it'd be more something like exposure, just that other people are around. I'm still thinking about it, I don't think boundaries would be a big issue in this case given the circumstances (sorry for being vague, I don't really feel comfortable sharing more). But thanks for all your input!

Edit: for what it's worth, the forensic T gave a similar suggestions when I first saw him, so it seems it'd at least be kind of ethical (that guy is a walking ethics board if I've ever seen one).

So, if it's something like eating in a restaurant, where you and T would be eating, and the social aspect is just that there would be other people around you, that seems fine. In fact, ex-T suggested doing something like that with me when I first started seeing her (as I have some anxiety about eating in public). She always seemed pretty ethical.

Or if it was something like a court appearance where you'd be very anxious, and it would help to have your T there to as moral support, I could see that, too. Or, say, a dissertation or thesis defense, where it might help to see him in the audience.

From what you said about the conflicts, I thought it was more of, say, a family or professional gathering where you'd know many or all of the other people. That seems more complicated to me.

stopdog · Jul 16, 2024 at 09:24 AM

For me, the horror for the idea is not based on ethics but rather how much I did not find the presence of a therapist useful even during an appointment. The idea of dealing with one of them in real life is my sticking part. The one I hired did go to the courthouse with at least one client - she ended up at the wrong courthouse for a couple of hours before she got it straight-but she did try even though she messed it up.

NP_Complete · Jul 16, 2024 at 10:08 AM

I wanted my therapist to go to the sentencing hearing for my abuser with me once, but he said he couldn't do that. I'm not sure if it would have helped or it would have just been weird. I know I was incredibly hurt when he said no.

East17 · Jul 17, 2024 at 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

How would you feel about a T accompanying you to some social situation where you'd need support but don't have buddies to take with you? Not like just a sports competition (though ofc comments on that are welcome too), but where you have to deal with some potential arguments and so on.

My T today suggested that he might be able to help in something like that, and while it sounds incredibly nice and helpful, I'm just not sure what others think...

For me it would be a huge blurring of boundaries and I don't think I would feel comfortable with it at all. But I understand there may be an element of cultural difference here, as ethical policies and procedures are varied for different countries.

I would say only do it if it feels comfortable to you and that you don't think it would change the nature of your therapy relationship afterwards. If you have any doubts at all, I would urge on the side of caution and say don't risk the good therapy relationship you have with him.

comrademoomoo · Jul 17, 2024 at 11:57 AM

I don't think this is necessarily an ethical issue since the parameters of the work could be contracted for and boundary issues discussed, made explicit, negotiated and so on. Personally, I wouldn't find it helpful and if anything I would find it restricting and paralysing, but then I am not someone who naturally gravitates towards others for this kind of support. I am also someone who avoids situations where others are present as far as possible so I am probably not the best judge.

Therapy reviewed · Jul 20, 2024 at 02:30 AM

I'd be thinking where are the boundaries

Mountaindewed · Jul 21, 2024 at 02:39 PM

I asked my T one time if she could help me find a mentor to help me outside of sessions and she got all weird about it and acted insulted like she wasn't helping me enough.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Jul 23, 2024 at 04:32 AM

Thanks again all for your inputs! I'm still thinking, also excited to tell flipper about his first controversial forum topic

LonesomeTonight · Jul 23, 2024 at 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

Thanks again all for your inputs! I'm still thinking, also excited to tell flipper about his first controversial forum topic

Ha! Dr. T seems to be amused when he's a controversial topic. Curious as to how Flipper will respond (yours has a better nickname!).

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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,945 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.9k hugs given	Jul 15, 2024 at 11:27 AM #2 Not quite the same thing, but i wanted to marry a couple of my ts so that they would stand up for me at family dinners and tell them that i am too okay and that THEY are the goofs. So... why was i going where i was obviously not wanted. It's hard. It occurs to me that Jesus needed a t to argue for him. Or a lawyer?
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NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,874 7 6,412 hugs given	Jul 16, 2024 at 10:08 AM #10 I wanted my therapist to go to the sentencing hearing for my abuser with me once, but he said he couldn't do that. I'm not sure if it would have helped or it would have just been weird. I know I was incredibly hurt when he said no.
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Therapy reviewed Member Member Since Sep 2022 Location: Eire Posts: 182 2 2 hugs given	Jul 20, 2024 at 02:30 AM #13 I'd be thinking where are the boundaries
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,792 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,763 hugs given	Jul 21, 2024 at 02:39 PM #14 I asked my T one time if she could help me find a mentor to help me outside of sessions and she got all weird about it and acted insulted like she wasn't helping me enough.
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ChickenNoodleSoup Grand Poohbah Member Since Apr 2017 Location: In a land far far away Posts: 1,649 7 1,336 hugs given	Jul 23, 2024 at 04:32 AM #15 Thanks again all for your inputs! I'm still thinking, also excited to tell flipper about his first controversial forum topic
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