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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,228
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Jul 19, 2024 at 11:50 AM
#1
Hi all,
I think this is part three of my 'virtual therapy over summer' saga. I've all but decided that I'm going to put the stuff I need to talk about with R in a box that I will open again in September, when we are in the same space. That's my intention, but I don't know how practical it is. I'm in a season of Too Much, and talking about the stuff online just feels plain unsafe. With that in mind...when I dissolve in session, R will often use some variation of 'I'm right here' or 'I'm still here.' In my experience, those two phrases make it worse when she uses them online...for obvious reasons. I don't want to tell her what to say, but I really need her to avoid those phrases. I'd be very grateful for any thoughts you could offer on potential alternatives. Many thanks, Lost __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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 LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,589
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Jul 19, 2024 at 12:04 PM
#2
L used to tell me that all the time on her leave. Pissed me off because she wasn't there, she wasn't with me.
I always worry that if I tell her what to say then she'll just say it because she knows that's what I want to hear. Kind of like, I'd rather H tell me he loves me without any suggestions than to ask him if he loves me. I want her to be able to read my mind or at least read what I need. But I have to remember a few things: 1. We have honesty first policy. 2. She can't read minds, 3. She recently told me that by not telling her what I need, that that makes her feel like she has to walk on eggshells. Last one was an eye opener for me. I don't know if any of that helps you? For alternative things to say: * I understand * I'm holding it with you * You are in my mind/thoughts/heart * I hear you __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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 LostOnTheTrail
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
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Jul 19, 2024 at 12:19 PM
#3
Maybe the Frasier Crane "I'm listening"? Because she is listening.
I mean, I just got finished with a virtual session where I kept crying and wasn't sure why. And I think (now that the session is done with), it was partly because i was virtual and I didn't want i to be. And also because I felt I couldn't fully talk about the things I really wanted/needed to talk about, for assorted reasons. Or at least to talk in greater depth about them. So I'm not sure I'm a good person to give advice about this otherwise. |
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| LostOnTheTrail
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,228
13 3,409 hugs
given
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Jul 19, 2024 at 12:48 PM
#4
That might be a good option, provided she doesn't get the reference.
Virtual moves the goalposts so much...I'm sorry you had a soluble session. The potential for solubility is why I'm considering 'pausing' the stuff I need to talk about until we can talk about it properly. Of course, that doesn't mean it goes away. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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