Would something about this be weird or inappropriate?

MuddyBoots · Jul 23, 2024 at 06:50 PM

I got something yesterday that came with a stuffed dog, and my T is obsessed with dogs so I was thinking of giving it to her. Would that be ok?

TheGal · Jul 23, 2024 at 08:13 PM

Professionals aren't supposed to accept gifts; however, that didn't stop me from giving a few gifts. The most I'd give now is a Christmas card. In my case, the relationship soured and I actually regretted it.

So my advice is not to give the dog to your therapist, or even mention it to her. Give it to charity, instead, if you don't want it.

unaluna · Jul 23, 2024 at 08:28 PM

Once my t was travelling and i gave him a little dog to put in his briefcase like a telephone commercial that was running at the time. He SAID he did it. I dont really know, do i? It's really about what it means to us.

I was CONSTANTLY giving him stuff. I was like a dam cat bringing treasures. Then when i left i was like a cat escaping thru an open door.

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 23, 2024 at 09:05 PM

I have given L multiple things one being a small stuffed animal. But L allows me to give her gifts. And all of my gifts have meanings. I don't simply gift her because I want to. I ordered a plant once and got a free one with it. I gave it to L to gift it to someone else (I didn't want to throw it away). It had no meaning for me, so it wasn't for her. I gave it to her to gift because I didn't know anyone to give it to.

I would talk to your T about gifting first, make sure she's okay with it. Some have a monetary limit. L does.

Therapy reviewed · Jul 24, 2024 at 02:55 AM

I never gave T anything only becuse any gifts I gave to my adoptive mother growing up were never "good enough"... But I saw other things clients had given her.. They were kept in the therapy room (upstairs on her house) ...I think that was her boundaries between her therapy life and her outside life

MuddyBoots · Jul 24, 2024 at 07:26 AM

Yeah, not super worried about it souring our relationship or exceeding monetary value. I'm moving out of the zone they accept patients from in a few weeks, and it is half the size of a Beanie Baby that came as an attachment to something else. I'll wait until our last session and ask her I guess.

TheGal · Jul 24, 2024 at 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Yeah, not super worried about it souring our relationship or exceeding monetary value. I'm moving out of the zone they accept patients from in a few weeks, and it is half the size of a Beanie Baby that came as an attachment to something else. I'll wait until our last session and ask her I guess.

I am actually referring to the possibility that your T will sour the relationship (as my pdoc did by letting me down horribly) and then you might regret having been so nice to the T as to have given her a gift.

MuddyBoots · Jul 24, 2024 at 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGal

I am actually referring to the possibility that your T will sour the relationship (as my pdoc did by letting me down horribly) and then you might regret having been so nice to the T as to have given her a gift.

Does that really matter if I'm never seeing her again after I give it to her in 3 or so weeks though? Or do you mean sour my OPINION of the relationship afterwards?

TheGal · Jul 24, 2024 at 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Does that really matter if I'm never seeing her again after I give it to her in 3 or so weeks though? Or do you mean sour my OPINION of the relationship afterwards?

I mean it might tee you off, as it did me, that you were kind to your T and your T turns out to be an unkind to you.

However, maybe your T won't tee you off and you'll be glad you gave her the gift.

MuddyBoots · Jul 24, 2024 at 01:37 PM

Is it bad to be pissed? I don’t think I’ll throw away any progress I’ve made because she didn’t appreciate a stuffed dog, but if it’s weird on her end I wouldn’t want to do it. Or if it’s a thing that a T doesn’t appreciate it and the client says “fck every discussions that happened in this room”

unaluna · Jul 24, 2024 at 02:18 PM

I think by the way you two have cancelled sessions on each other and survived it, that this would not be taken negatively.

Posters here may be speaking theoretically, or relating what happened to them and their t.

MuddyBoots · Jul 24, 2024 at 06:31 PM

That's a pretty good point. She's put up with sooo much of my bs and my CM says she speaks pretty highly of me anyways. I've put up with her cancelling 3/4 sessions in a row, and I still find a lot of meaning in our discussions and lessons.

Brown Owl 2 · Jul 27, 2024 at 02:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Once my t was travelling and i gave him a little dog to put in his briefcase like a telephone commercial that was running at the time. He SAID he did it. I dont really know, do i? It's really about what it means to us.

I was CONSTANTLY giving him stuff. I was like a dam cat bringing treasures. Then when i left i was like a cat escaping thru an open door.

I wish there was a laughing emoji to respond with, your analogy of a dam cat really made me laugh.

I remember giving a T a carefully chosen Christmas card, and the act of giving it was surprisingly emotionally laden to me. I think the T was oblivious to this, and that time I didn’t discuss such things in therapy.

unaluna · Jul 27, 2024 at 06:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brown Owl 2

...I remember giving a T a carefully chosen Christmas card, and the act of giving it was surprisingly emotionally laden to me. I think the T was oblivious to this, and that time I didn’t discuss such things in therapy.

I had that moment too! He kept trying to give the toy back to me, but it felt like i was reliving a moment with my mother who just never played with me.

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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,559 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,493 hugs given	Jul 23, 2024 at 06:50 PM #1 I got something yesterday that came with a stuffed dog, and my T is obsessed with dogs so I was thinking of giving it to her. Would that be ok? __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]
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TheGal Poohbah Member Since Aug 2022 Location: The House Posts: 1,200 2 819 hugs given	Jul 23, 2024 at 08:13 PM #2 Professionals aren't supposed to accept gifts; however, that didn't stop me from giving a few gifts. The most I'd give now is a Christmas card. In my case, the relationship soured and I actually regretted it. So my advice is not to give the dog to your therapist, or even mention it to her. Give it to charity, instead, if you don't want it.
	Reply With Quote

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,984 (SuperPoster!) 13 69k hugs given	Jul 23, 2024 at 08:28 PM #3 Once my t was travelling and i gave him a little dog to put in his briefcase like a telephone commercial that was running at the time. He SAID he did it. I dont really know, do i? It's really about what it means to us. I was CONSTANTLY giving him stuff. I was like a dam cat bringing treasures. Then when i left i was like a cat escaping thru an open door.
	Reply With Quote

Therapy reviewed Member Member Since Sep 2022 Location: Eire Posts: 183 2 2 hugs given	Jul 24, 2024 at 02:55 AM #5 I never gave T anything only becuse any gifts I gave to my adoptive mother growing up were never "good enough"... But I saw other things clients had given her.. They were kept in the therapy room (upstairs on her house) ...I think that was her boundaries between her therapy life and her outside life
	Reply With Quote

MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,559 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,493 hugs given	Jul 24, 2024 at 07:26 AM #6 Yeah, not super worried about it souring our relationship or exceeding monetary value. I'm moving out of the zone they accept patients from in a few weeks, and it is half the size of a Beanie Baby that came as an attachment to something else. I'll wait until our last session and ask her I guess. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]
	Reply With Quote

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,984 (SuperPoster!) 13 69k hugs given	Jul 24, 2024 at 02:18 PM #11 I think by the way you two have cancelled sessions on each other and survived it, that this would not be taken negatively. Posters here may be speaking theoretically, or relating what happened to them and their t.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,559 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,493 hugs given	Jul 24, 2024 at 06:31 PM #12 That's a pretty good point. She's put up with sooo much of my bs and my CM says she speaks pretty highly of me anyways. I've put up with her cancelling 3/4 sessions in a row, and I still find a lot of meaning in our discussions and lessons. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]
	Reply With Quote